To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Operation Dear Abby Is Cause of Much Eating and Greeting
DEAR ABBY: We are writing to let you know of the far-reaching effects of your Operation Dear Abby campaign. Our sixth-graders at Randolph Middle School in Randolph, N.J., wrote holiday cards as a class project. We sent hundreds of cards to the addresses listed in your column.
As responses to their letters began to arrive, the daily question became, "Is there any mail from the military?" Servicemen and women from all over the globe wrote wonderful notes and letters to the students. Some included pictures, patches and money from foreign countries where they were stationed.
The activity also turned into geography lessons as students located on maps various home bases, current stations and stops in between. Connections with weekly current events lessons made news come alive.
The cards were greatly appreciated by the military people who received them, which is the obvious intent of Operation Dear Abby. In addition, students had the experience of expressing their concern for others as well as patriotic pride. Combining those benefits with the extra bonus of various classroom activities made this an invaluable activity we plan to repeat in the future. We are looking forward to the next Operation Dear Abby. Thank you for making it possible. -- EDIE KLINK, CAROLE HUNTINGTON AND ELENA MASTROIANNI, SIXTH-GRADE SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHERS, RANDOLPH MIDDLE SCHOOL
DEAR MSS. KLINK, HUNTINGTON AND MASTROIANNI: I'm delighted that Operation Dear Abby provided a bonus for your students. Each year I receive letters from readers expressing their enjoyment of Operation Dear Abby, and describing friendships (and even marriages) that grew out of it.
I'm pleased to publicize the following addresses for this year's Operation Dear Abby XIII. They will be in effect ONLY from Nov. 15, 1997, to Jan. 15, 1998 (after that, the APO/FPOs will close). If you have difficulty at your local post office, ask the clerk to check the recent postal bulletins -- the Operation Dear Abby addresses are not always entered into the postal computers, and clerks may assume the addresses are invalid. Priority mail only, please.
1. For Europe and Southwest Asia:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
APO AE 09135
2. For the Mediterranean Basin:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
FPO AE 09646
3. For South America, Central America and the Caribbean:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
APO AA 34085
4. For the Far East:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
APO AP 96285
5. For the Pacific Basin:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
FPO AP 96385
For those who wish to send mail to the military in Bosnia, the year-round addresses are:
1. For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps land forces:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT GUARD
APO AE 09397
2. For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT GUARD
FPO AE 09398
P.S. Cookies (sugar, oatmeal, molasses), gum, hard candy and boxed containers of juice are always welcome (chocolate is not recommended because it can melt in transit). But the No. 1 treat is "food for the soul" and that's mail, mail and more mail!
Mom Makes Too Much Room for Boy Close to Girl's Heart
DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son, "Josh," has been dating a 20-year-old girl, "Jessica," for about 10 months. Josh graduated from high school in June and left for the Army three weeks later. Just before he left, Jessica's mother gave him the family engagement ring, in case he "wanted to use it" before he went.
Josh's father and I were very upset. We talked and talked, and finally convinced our son that he doesn't know Jessica well enough to marry her, and he has no idea where his commitment to the Army will lead him. Besides, he is simply too young to marry. Finally, after four days of emotional turmoil, Josh returned the ring to Jessica's mother.
My son now informs us that Jessica and her mother are fixing up the basement of their home for him when he comes home on leave.
There is no end to this woman's presumptuousness. The extent to which she is going in order to snag my son for her daughter is making me ill. I have written to Josh expressing my feelings, but it hasn't helped. He plans to stay at their home when he returns. My husband says to let him go, but I am hurt and frightened. What can I do? -- ILL IN PA.
DEAR ILL: Remind Josh that marriage is far too serious a commitment for a fellow his age. Most young men that age are in no great rush to get married, although they do get involved in some romantic encounters. Trying to come between the two will only drive them into each other's arms.
Let Josh know that true love is patient and can wait, and help him recognize the mother's actions for what they are -- manipulation.
DEAR ABBY: Our next-door neighbors moved in a little over a year ago, and we've developed a friendship with them. A few weeks ago, Mr. Next-Door-Neighbor invited us to a surprise 40th birthday dinner party for Mrs. Next-Door-Neighbor at a nice restaurant. We accepted.
The party was scheduled for a Saturday night. On the Thursday before the party, we were given four tickets to a preseason football game for the same Saturday night. We don't get to attend many games, and we are big fans of the team. The tickets are very hard to come by and are quite expensive.
We decided to go to the game and forgo the party. I called Mr. Next-Door-Neighbor explaining our situation and apologized. My husband also apologized. After the party and game, I sent Mrs. Next-Door-Neighbor a nice plant and some jewelry for her birthday, and apologized to her.
They still seem to be upset by our dinner cancellation. What should we have done? -- NEIGHBORS IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.
DEAR NEIGHBORS: Would you have been forgiving had your husband planned a surprise birthday party at a nice restaurant, and one of the couples canceled two days before the party?
You did what you wanted to do instead of what you should have done. Friends don't treat friends in such a shabby manner.
DEAR ABBY: Can you please help my friend and me solve a dilemma?
When sending out children's birthday invitations, do you think it is proper to include the child's clothing size and toy ideas in the invitation?
I recently received an invitation that read: Billy wears a size 5 and his favorite toys are Super Heroes. This comment obviously seems as though you are expected to bring a gift.
What do you think, Abby? Should I include this line in my son's upcoming birthday party invitations? -- WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: I wouldn't.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Rape Victim's Support Comes From Both Church and State
DEAR ABBY: I am a former bishop (local pastor) of the Diamond Bar Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My heart broke when I read the letter from the 21-year-old LDS rape victim. Although I am responding to a letter involving a Mormon girl, I would give the same advice to anyone. She must do four things immediately:
First, she must notify the police and press charges, regardless of who the person is. She is the innocent victim of a heinous crime. The community needs to know there is a predator in their midst, and the criminal needs to be brought to justice.
Second, she must see a doctor. Pregnancy is the least of potential problems to which she was forcefully exposed.
Third, she should confide in her parents. She needs support from those who love her most. She has nothing to be ashamed of. She is a victim and needs love and understanding to heal the wounds inflicted on her. She may need counseling from a professional as well.
Fourth, she needs to confide in her bishop. He will assure her that she has committed no sin, and has done nothing requiring forgiveness. No one can take a person's chastity by force. He will tell her she is still a virgin and will remain so until she gives herself to her husband. The presence or absence of a hymen does not determine virginity or chastity. Chastity is a condition of the soul and the mind. It is not physical; it is spiritual.
To all young people who have been raped or molested, I say: "Do not feel worthless. Satan will lie to you and tell you that you are degraded, of no value, a thing of scorn; our Father in Heaven never has, and never will. Believe God; you can trust Him." -- EDWARD D. BOTTOM, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.
DEAR MR. BOTTOM: Thank you for your compassionate and encouraging letter. I have heard from thousands of concerned people offering words of support and encouragement to the young Mormon woman. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Raped Virgin" asked if she is still a virgin. I have spoken to several hundred women in her situation. Her feelings are very normal after having survived a traumatic sexual assault. I hope she reads this, because I want her to understand: She is still a virgin. She did not give herself to anyone; she was assaulted. What happened to her was beyond her control. The choice was not hers; she is not to blame.
You gave her great advice by encouraging her to call her local rape crisis hotline. I would further encourage her to seek counseling through agencies her local police department can provide. There are counselors available who deal primarily with sexual assault victims. Counseling is an important part of the healing process. It will lead her on the road to recovery.
She is a survivor. With the support of professionals, family and friends, she can heal and put this horrible experience behind her. -- DETECTIVE NORMA PEROTTI DORMANN, SEX CRIMES UNIT, SAN DIEGO POLICE DEPARTMENT
DEAR ABBY: I would like to reply to "Raped Virgin." Yes, you are still a virgin. You have lived a clean and godly life. Please don't sell yourself short. Your parents love you and cherish you. Go immediately to your bishop. He is trained to handle many situations and will not look down on you. Most of all, please remember your Heavenly Father loves you and will heal your heartache if you allow it. -- MOTHER OF ANOTHER RAPED VIRGIN
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.