Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Is Ready to Tune Out Man Who Won't Turn Off TV
DEAR ABBY: I think my problem is unique: My longtime boyfriend is addicted to television.
He has it turned on all the time he's indoors and gets unreasonably angry if I turn it off. The constant distraction and noise drive me up the wall. Fortunately we don't live together.
I have tried to convince him it's irritating, and have even insisted he use earphones in my home, but he complains bitterly about this restriction. The television in his home won't accommodate earphones, and those in hotels and motels are not equipped with earphones either. I've tried earplugs for myself, but after a while they hurt.
The arguments over this have become very heated, and following our last battle, we split up.
Abby, I really love him and don't want to give him up, but if there is no other solution, I may have to do just that. Please don't use my name. -- DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION IN ALBANY, CALIF.
DEAR DRIVEN: This problem is not unique; many people are addicted to television.
Your boyfriend has fought your attempts to turn off the television for a very long time, so don't expect him to change now. It would be a shame to end this relationship because of his television addiction, if he's compatible in every other way. However, if you can no longer tolerate it, perhaps you should say farewell.
DEAR ABBY: As a proud American Indian, I resent the expression "Indian giver," which is what they call a person who gives a gift, then asks that it be returned.
Abby, where did that expression originate? It is clearly an insult to the Indian people. Sign me ... A PROUD SHOSHONE INDIAN IN WISCONSIN
DEAR PROUD SHOSHONE: The Henry Holt Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins gives the following origin for the expression:
"Indian giver. Tradition holds that American Indians took back their gifts when they didn't get equally valuable ones in return. Some Indians were no doubt 'Indian givers'; others, however, got insulted if they received more than they gave. Instances of Indians 'Indian-giving' are hard to come by, and even the Handbook of American Indians (1901), published by the Smithsonian Institution, defines the practice as an 'alleged custom.' Perhaps the expression is explained by the fact that 'Indian' was once widely used as a synonym for bogus or false. Many of the nearly 500 terms prefixed with 'Indian' unfairly impugn the Indian's honesty or intelligence -- even 'honest Injun' was originally meant sarcastically, and 'Indian summer' means a false summer."
DEAR ABBY: My New Year's wish for the many wives who, like me, have added pounds as well as years, is that their husbands be as tactful and loving as mine.
When I bemoaned the fact that at age 45, I weighed 110 pounds and now, at 65, I am 20 pounds heavier, he just hugged me and said, "Honey, you'll always be the ample of my eye." He's a keeper, and I am ... A HAPPY GEORGIA PEACH
MOM'S BOYFRIEND MAY CAUSE DOWNSIZED FAMILY REUNION
DEAR ABBY: My mother married when she was 15. She had six children. When she was 36, she got a divorce and announced that it was time she lived her life as she saw fit.
Mom always kept herself in great physical condition. For the last two years she has been dating a man who is 33 years her junior. Mom's son is four years younger than her boyfriend! This repulses me. I do not want my younger children around such craziness.
This part I can handle, but my siblings are planning a family reunion this summer. I have not seen some of my brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews for six years. My mother plans to attend this reunion with her young lover. I believe it is totally inappropriate to flaunt her carefree lifestyle in the presence of these young people.
I don't know how to handle this. If Mom insists on bringing her boyfriend, my husband refuses to go. Please help me. -- ASHAMED AND HEARTBROKEN
DEAR ASHAMED: If your husband refuses to attend the family reunion because your mother and her young boyfriend will be there, tell him you'll miss him.
As adults, your mother and her boyfriend are entitled to make their own decisions. "Judge not, lest ye be judged."
DEAR ABBY: In reference to an article titled "Lawyer's Courtroom Goofs Are Good for a Laugh," which recently appeared in your column, I was reminded of a church bulletin that had our congregation in stitches one Sunday morning. I'm not sure where it originated. Our pastor announced at the beginning of the service to be sure to read the back of the bulletin before he began his sermon so that he would not think our laughter was directed at the sermon itself. -- LISA SPRADLING, FULTONVILLE, ALA.
DEAR LISA: Thank you for the day-brightener. It's certainly worth sharing:
"Most people don't realize how much editing goes into producing a church bulletin or newsletter. Some announcements have to be completely rewritten because if they appeared the way they were submitted, it would lead to total confusion. Below are some examples:
" -- Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
" -- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
" -- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
" -- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Martin to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
" -- Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet may come forward and do so.
" -- A 'Bean Supper' will be held next Sunday evening in the fellowship hall. Special music will follow.
" -- At the evening service tonight, the topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
" -- The flower on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Hunter, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Hunter.
" -- The United Methodist Women have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the church basement this Friday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m."
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TEN COMMANDMENTS PROVIDE POWERFUL WORDS TO LIVE BY
DEAR ABBY: I read in a newspaper that a poll was taken in which 1,500 people were asked if they could quote the Ten Commandments. Only a few could come up with three, or four at the most. Many of those questioned said there was no way they could remember all of them.
Abby, will you please print the Ten Commandments? You may use my name. -- LINDEL SEXTON, OCEANSIDE, CALIF.
DEAR LINDEL: According to the Book of Exodus in the Old Testament, the Ten Commandments were given to the Israelite leader Moses on Mount Sinai. They are as follows:
1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain.
4. Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy.
5. Honor thy father and thy mother.
6. Thou shalt not kill.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house; thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.
DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from Mr. Harry C. Williams Jr. of Nashville, Tenn., who refuses to shake hands with people he visits in the hospital for fear of transmitting germs.
As a professional health-care chaplain in a hospital setting, I too am very conscious of the spread of infection through person-to-person contact. However, studies have shown that people are starving for the caring touch of another human being. An appropriate touch such as a gentle handshake, or holding the hand of someone who is ill can be healing to that person.
Frequent hand washing is a must for anyone who touches others, especially in a hospital or other health-care facility, but to forgo all contact of skin with skin is not conducive to the healing of the spirit, which is vital to overall good health.
So let's continue touching as appropriate, and practice good hand-washing techniques. -- CHAPLAIN BOB BURNS, FLORIDA HOSPITAL WATERMAN, EUSTIS, FLA.
DEAR CHAPLAIN BURNS: I was touched by the number of health-care professionals who wrote to defend the practice of gently holding the hand of a person in a health-care facility. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: While it may be true that inadequate hand-washing is a common cause of spreading infection, this should not prevent visitors or doctors from shaking or holding a patient's hand.
Most patients feel isolated, and denying them what little physical contact they receive is not the answer. A far better solution would be to touch the patient, then wash your hands before touching your face, or another patient.
Patients would rather see you wash your hands after a visit than be treated as an untouchable. -- A HEALTH-CARE WORKER IN COLUMBIA, S.C.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.