Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Dr. King's Words of Wisdom Still Ring With Truth Today
DEAR READERS: Today we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a martyr of the civil rights movement and a great American who was shot to death in 1968 at age 39.
His persistence in the face of violent opposition and his eloquent pleas for social justice propelled him to international prominence. In 1964, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Dr. King's principles of nonviolence were based on the teachings of Christianity.
His words of wisdom are even more meaningful today than they were in 1963, when he spoke from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and said (in part):
"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal.' ... And this will be the day ... when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning, 'My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where our fathers died, land of the Pilgrims' pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.'
"When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.'"
God bless our great country, the United States of America. And may we Americans, by our conduct, be worthy of God's blessings.
DEAR ABBY: I am an elementary school teacher in a suburban area of a large metropolitan city. I have a good student I'll call Judy who is in training to become a hypochondriac. This little girl misses approximately 25 percent of school days in any given month. She complains of migraines, stomach flu and colds, and has been plagued by numerous injuries. She stays home for minor ailments that I would send my own kids to school with.
Judy has learned to enjoy the attention she receives from her "illnesses" and "injuries" and plays them like an accomplished actress. Her parents seem to be conscientious about her schooling, and her assignments are always completed at home. Her stay-at-home mother dotes excessively on her daughter's complaints and encourages this negative behavior. This could well become a lifelong behavior trait for Judy. Should I continue to overlook the obvious as long as the child's assignments are completed, or should I bring up this subject with Judy's mother? -- TEACHER IN TEXAS
DEAR TEACHER: Is it possible that something is going on at school that is causing Judy's excessive absenteeism -- like teasing, bullying or some other social problem?
The mother should be made aware that her daughter's absences are excessive, if she doesn't already know it. You would be doing Judy and her mother a favor by bringing your concerns forward in a parent-teacher meeting.
'Just Say No' Crumbles Before Lethal Street Drugs
DEAR ABBY: My heart aches for "Someone in Georgia," who buried her firstborn child who died from a drug overdose. I too lost my beloved son from an accidental overdose of "recreational" drugs.
My son was well-educated, talented and handsome. He was not a master of deceit, but he was a substance abuser who eventually became addicted. I was aware my son had a problem and would have done anything to help him. The realization that I had no control over the situation or my son, that he had to want to help himself, was devastating. The powerful grip these drugs have over mind and soul is incomprehensible. These young people do not want to die.
The "Just Say No" campaign was well-meant, but the truth is "It Takes a Village." Our families, friends, neighbors, police, teachers and clergy need to be aware and get involved. The drugs on the street today are stronger and more lethal than ever before. Our kids are addicted before they know what hit them.
As a mother who bonded with, nurtured and loved her firstborn son, I empathize with anyone who has lost a child. The void is painful and everlasting. -- A SADDENED MOM WHO'S GOING TO STAY INVOLVED
DEAR SADDENED MOM: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved son. My heart goes out to you. Kids who are in trouble with drugs are in over their heads. Anyone who can offer help should not hesitate to do so.
Many years ago, I printed the following, which had been published in the Congressional Record. I wish it were not as timely today, but sadly, it may be even more so:
"'King Heroin is my shepherd; I shall always want ...'
"These tragic words, part of a twisted rewording of the beloved 23rd Psalm, were discovered recently in Reidsville, N.C., in a closed car alongside a dead heroin addict. She was 23 years old.
"Her death was ruled a suicide. A hookup with the car's exhaust had sent carbon monoxide fumes from a running motor into the vehicle. Here's the complete 'Psalm.'
"'King Heroin is my shepherd; I shall always want. He maketh me to lie down in the gutter.
"'He leadeth me beside the troubled waters.
"'He destroyeth my soul.
"'He leadeth me in the paths of wickedness.
"'Yea, I shall walk through the valley of poverty and will fear no evil, for thou, Heroin, are with me.
"'Thy needle and capsule comfort me. Thou strippest the table of groceries in the presence of my family. Thou robbest my head of reason.
"'My cup of sorrow runneth over. Surely heroin addiction shall stalk me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the House of the Damned forever.'
"Also found in the car with the dead woman was this written message:
"'Jail didn't cure me. Nor did hospitalization help me for long. The doctor told my family it would have been better, and indeed kinder, if the person who got me hooked on dope had taken a gun and blown my brains out. And I wish to God he had. My God, how I wish it!'"
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Rank Shouldn't Have Privilege to Those Who Aren't in Service
DEAR ABBY: I read your answer to "Perplexed in Riverdale," concerning the woman whose husband was a retired naval officer who required his daughter to call his fellow officers by their rank. You agreed with the naval officer, stating that "a 12-year-old (especially the daughter of a naval officer) should have no trouble remembering the ranks of her father's fellow officers."
Your answer upset me no end. I am a retired veteran of 20 years of service, and the day I retired was the day I hung up my uniform and my rank. However, it seems as though some retired officers have a hard time separating themselves from the military, especially feeling like nobodies since they are no longer in power.
The 12-year-old girl is NOT IN THE MILITARY, and therefore should not be required to remember any military rank or call any military personnel by their rank. During my tenure in the military, I often had active-duty personnel ask me which rank came after so-and-so (e.g. What is the next rank after a full colonel?). These were personnel with up to three and four years of service. What would ever make you believe that any civilian, whether 12 or 50 years old, would have the need to know the level of military ranks?
My wife, for instance, served with me for a period of 16 years as a civilian. When asked about a person's rank, her answer was, "I don't know any rank in the military other than my husband's. He's a sergeant." I sincerely don't think she even knew what level I held as a sergeant. And that was fine with me, because I was in the military, not my wife or children. So neither my wife nor my four sons were ever required by me to refer to any of my friends by their rank.
In my view, you goofed big time. I would suggest you retract your answer to "Perplexed in Silverdale" and let this 12-year-old child be a civilian -- which she is! -- JOSEPH J. MURRAY, RET.
DEAR MR. MURRAY: I received numerous reprimands for that answer, much to my surprise. I had assumed that to a child raised in a military atmosphere, addressing adults by their rank would be nearly second nature -- and not too difficult to learn. However, many military parents disagreed with my presumption. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As the wife of a retired Air Force officer, I do not agree that children should be taught to address active-duty military persons by their rank.
One of the main reasons we did not teach our children to address their friends' parents by rank was because we didn't want the children to feel that one person deserves more respect than another just because of rank. They were taught that adults were to be respected because of their age and wisdom, not because they had attained a higher rank than another person.
By the way, even though I spent 19 years as an Air Force officer's wife, I still cannot tell a Navy officer's rank by the insignia!
Although this time I strongly disagreed with your call, I generally agree with you, and I thank you for being there for us. -- EMILY L. MAHEU, NICEVILE, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: Our son is getting married soon. The bride's parents say this is the '90s and we should split the cost as they are "our kids." What the "kids" want will cost $6,000 total.
They claim they have gotten the lowest prices for this big day. Are we responsible for paying 50 percent?
I told my husband about the financing, and he said it's customary for the bride's father to pay for the wedding. Others who have married children say they've split the cost.
I don't think splitting the cost is such a bad idea. Perhaps when our two daughters get married, we can say, "Hey, this is the '90s -- and we'll pay half."
What do you say, Abby? -- STRESSED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR STRESSED: Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding and reception. However, today it is not unusual for the groom's family to offer to share the cost. In many cases, the couple will pay for their own wedding.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)