Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
JUDGING BY SIZE OF THE GIFT, THOUGHT DIDN'T COUNT FOR MUCH
DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but I have had an experience that has annoyed me greatly. My son recently got married. It was a lovely wedding at an exclusive club. There was a sumptuous meal and unlimited beverages of every kind. No expense was spared.
One of the wedding gifts was a box containing two towels and a toothbrush holder. Included with it was a card signed by 12 of my daughter-in-law's co-workers.
Abby, I know the thought is what's supposed to count and not the gift, but it cost over $500 to entertain those 12 people. Considering they all earn more money than my daughter-in-law and son, I think a gift that cost $35 (collectively) was miserly. We are all upset because we don't know if the gift was given in a mean-spirited manner or because they are "etiquette-challenged."
Should we approach them on the subject or forget it? We are split on the decision. Sign me ... CANNOT BELIEVE IT IN FLORIDA
DEAR CANNOT BELIEVE IT: Do not approach them about the cost of the gift. It would be worse manners to call them on it. Wedding gifts are not the "price of admission" to a party. People should give what they can afford.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Came Up Clean in Los Angeles," who heard from an old pen pal who was a police dispatcher who ran her name through a police computer and sent her the printout of her driver's license personal information.
In California, where the pen pal worked, police dispatchers routinely access information from the California Law Enforcement Telecommunications System (CLETS) as part of their everyday job.
We ARE authorized users of this system. However, the use of any CLETS information for other than official business may be in violation of the California Penal Code. Additionally, the use of CLETS for other than official law enforcement purposes may result in the employing agency seeking dismissal and/or prosecution of the employee. I have no doubt that other states have similar laws.
I, too, am a police dispatcher and am proud of what I do. I was surprised that a fellow dispatcher would obtain such personal information and then send the information to that person, regardless of their relationship. We use this criteria in the workplace: the need to know and the right to know. If you have neither, you have no business running the person or vehicle.
Perhaps the agency for which the pen pal works needs to re-educate its employees on the consequences of such actions. -- LAURA ABSHER-PERRY, POLICE AND FIRE DISPATCHER
DEAR LAURA: With so much confidential information being stored in data banks, and a growing number of individuals able to access it, periodic reminders about the importance of confidentiality (and the penalties for breaching it) may curb potential abuses. Thank you for your intelligent suggestion.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "NO FRIENDS IN NEW JERSEY": There are two kinds of people in the world: those who walk into a room and say, "Here I am!" and those who walk into a room and say, "There you are!"
Which kind are you?
EATING HABITS DEEPLY ROOTED IN WILD AND DOMESTIC PIGS
DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from "Petunia the Pig," apologizing for her wild streak, I had to write. You've been snookered again!
Wild (feral) domestic pigs in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park are responsible for a tremendous amount of damage to vegetation because of their rooting up and eating roots, plants, etc. (Check it out with the National Park Service.) I suspect that, given the opportunity, Petunia's feeding habits are little different from feral pigs. I guess it's a sad day for Petunia, because pigs do love many roots as well as vegetables.
Armadillos (on whom Petunia tried earnestly to lay the blame) do NOT normally eat vegetation. They may cause some minimal damage to vegetation because of rooting or digging in open areas, rather then under plants. I quote from "The Mammals of Texas" by William B. Davis, page 268:
"A study of their food habits by examination of more than 800 stomachs revealed that no fewer than 488 different foods are eaten. Ninety-three percent (by volume) of their food is animal matter, chiefly insects and other invertebrates."
From the above, it is apparent that armadillos are very unlikely to be the cause of the neighborhood plant damage and the pig was most likely the cause.
Petunia owes the Dasypus novemcinctus Linnaeus (nine-banded armadillo) an apology for false accusations. -- JAY EMRIE, SAN ANTONIO
DEAR JAY: You may be the first person to have squealed on a pig, but rest assured -- if Petunia weren't still incarcerated, I'm sure I'd have had another letter from the neighbors.
Since I first heard about Petunia, I have learned more about potbellied pigs than I ever wanted to know. According to an article written for the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association, the original pigs, brought in through Canada in 1985, matured at more than 200 pounds. Today, the majority of adults average 125 pounds. They shed at least once -- and often twice -- a year and, because of their inborn herd mentality, can become belligerent, aggressive and territorial as they mature.
Originally praised for being small, docile and virtually maintenance-free by promoters of the species, it turns out that many disappointed potbellied pig owners turn to humane societies when they find their pet charges at guests, and at about two years of age, starts challenging the people by whom it was raised to see who will be "top pig."
Rooting is also a natural instinct for pigs. Not only do they root in order to eat acorns, truffles, worms and grubs, they do it to obtain necessary vitamins and minerals from the ground. Because pigs do not sweat, they require a pool or puddle to regulate their temperature in hot weather. And in winter they must have a heated sleeping area.
These insights were generously provided to me by Dale Riffle, director of PIGS, a sanctuary, P.O. Box 629, Charles Town, W.Va. 25414, which currently provides a safe haven for more than 200 potbellied pigs. The sanctuary works with shelter employees and has a guide available to aid shelters should they have to deal with homeless pigs. For cities considering zoning to permit potbellied pigs as pets, Mr. Riffle advises they have a plan in place for dealing with homeless pigs before permitting them in their cities. That sounds like good advice to me.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Animal Shelters Can't Offer Haven to All Homeless Pets
DEAR ABBY: I work in an animal shelter. Thank God more people are bringing unwanted animals to shelters instead of dumping them by the roadside where they risk being struck and killed by cars or attacked by wild animals. At least these animals have a chance at life if they are brought to a shelter.
There is a poster in the shelter where I work which reads: There aren't enough homes for all of them.
For those who are not lucky enough to be chosen, the shelter provides the most humane death possible, with a loving attendant by their sides as they are put to sleep. But what a waste of beautiful life.
Abby, as I write this, I am in tears. The cats and dogs whose cages I clean daily are wonderful, loving animals. It breaks my heart when no one comes to adopt them because when we run out of space, we must choose which ones will be euthanized.
Please print this so pet owners will think about what happens when our country is overpopulated with animals. If only owners would spay or neuter their pets, there wouldn't be so many unwanted animals that must be put to death. -- BEGGING FOR THE ANIMALS IN ARLINGTON, VT.
DEAR BEGGING: Thank you for writing. For years I have encouraged my readers to spay or neuter their pets, and go to shelters to choose an animal companion.
A very dear friend of mine, Rhonda Fleming Mann, went to an animal shelter to get a dog. There she found an adorable mongrel whom she named "Sparkey." No one could hope for a more loving pet. (He looks like a Pomeranian whose mother had more than a sniffing acquaintance with a fox terrier.)
Sparkey is now 14 years old and still going strong. Rhonda's husband, Ted Mann, is also crazy about Sparkey and walks him frequently.
So, dear readers, if you want a pet, consider adopting one from an animal shelter, thereby saving a life.
DEAR ABBY: As a gentleman, I greet other men with a firm handshake. However, over the years I have found that most women do not care to shake hands with men or women.
Occasionally, a woman will offer a hand to shake, but in a very feminine way. The women who do offer a hand tend to be middle-aged or professional women who are accustomed to formality. Older and young women usually do not offer to shake hands. Once I asked a woman why she chose not to, and she replied, "It's a guy thing."
Some women roll their eyes and grudgingly give me a light handshake, apparently just to appease me.
Recently, however, I greeted a woman by just saying, "Hello, I'm pleased to meet you." To my surprise, she offered her hand, so I shook it with medium firmness. She said, "Come on, give me a real shake."
Since I have been rebuffed so much in the past, I no longer extend my hand unless the woman does so first, but how do I know whether to shake a lady's hand firmly or lightly? -- ON SHAKY GROUND, LOS ANGELES
DEAR ON SHAKY GROUND: To be on the safe side, do not offer your hand until the lady has indicated she wishes to use this form of greeting. Then take the middle road and shake her hand with medium firmness.
DEAR ABBY: I often hear people misquoting famous sayings. One in particular gets my goat. The classic adage is NOT "Ignorance is bliss." Correctly, it is "When ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."
Would you help me set the record straight? -- A READER IN LIBERTYVILLE, ILL.
DEAR READER: I'm happy to help set the record straight, but let's make sure it's correct. The quote, "WHERE ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise," is from a poem titled "Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College," by Thomas Gray, who lived from 1716 to 1771.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)