For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own:
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll not try to improve anybody except myself.
We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable, so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all: a happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.
DEAR READERS: Booker T. Washington (1856-1915), born a slave in Virginia, was the most influential African American leader and educator of his time. Washington advised two presidents on racial problems and policies -- Theodore Roosevelt and William Howard Taft. His accomplishments would fill a large book.
Today I'd like to share a meaningful quote from this great man:
"I believe that any man's life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement, if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day and as nearly as possible reaching the high-water mark of pure and useful living."
GENTLEMEN OF U.S. NAVY TREAT FEMALE STUDENTS WITH RESPECT
DEAR ABBY: In light of all the negative publicity given to some of the American servicemen with regard to their ungentlemanly behavior where women are concerned, I would like to share an experience I had recently.
I am a female American college student studying abroad at a program in Spain. Recently, three girlfriends and I went down south to the British colony of Gibraltar to sightsee. There, in a lively bar, we encountered about 40 U.S. Navy submarine men who were temporarily stationed there.
We four girls started a conversation with these Navy men centered around the men's families -- they all carried pictures of their girlfriends or wives back home; some even had snapshots of their babies.
While my father may have been leery about his daughter sitting with 40 men, I felt entirely at ease. Not once in the course of the evening was there a lewd remark or an inappropriate gesture directed at us girls. After spending a few hours at this bar, we all went dancing. Again, not a disrespectful hand was laid on my friends or me. To top off the night, when we girls were ready to go back to our hotel, the entire group walked us through the dimly lit streets and saw us safely to our doorstep.
Abby, without a doubt that was one of the most remarkable nights I had in my four-month stay in Europe. The U.S. Navy is to be commended for grooming its men to be respectable, honorable and chivalrous gentlemen. Thank you to the submarine crew of the James K. Polk. -- LORA WILSON, GRANTS PASS, ORE.
DEAR LORA: All too often the rotten apples in the barrel get the headlines while the good apples go unnoticed. Thank you for writing to relate your positive experience.
DEAR ABBY: First, I want to thank you for a column that benefits all ages, sexes and races.
Last year you printed Edgar Guest's poem titled "It Couldn't Be Done." Being an optimistic person, I want to share a poem I ran across. (The author is unknown.) I hope you enjoy it. -- LINDA SCHRADER, TAMPA, FLA.
IT CAN BE DONE
The man who misses all the fun,
Is he who says, "It can't be done."
In solemn pride he stands aloof,
And greets each venture with reproof.
Had he the power he'd efface,
The history of the human race.
We'd have no radio or motor cars,
No street lit by electric stars;
No telegraph nor telephone,
We'd linger in the age of stone.
The world would sleep if things were run,
By men who say, "It can't be done."
DEAR READERS: Have a happy, healthy and prosperous 1997. And remember, if you're driving, don't drink; and if you're drinking, don't drive.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
BEDROOM INHIBITIONS LEAVE COUPLE'S RELATIONSHIP AT RISK
DEAR ABBY: I am a 41-year-old woman who has been divorced for 10 years, during which time I've had a few long-term relationships.
I have always been a passionate woman with the men I have cared about, and they have reciprocated. I have learned a lot about myself and men as a result.
Five months ago, after a long absence from a relationship or dating, I met a man who is two years older than I am. He is extremely well-mannered and sensitive. He's affectionate and seems to care about me. We share many interests and values, and best of all, he makes me laugh.
He is healthy and in excellent shape. There is one issue, however, that deeply concerns me. I know that he enjoys sex, but I am sorry to say he is a lousy lover.
He told me that he has never been "wild and crazy" in bed. I don't think one has to be "wild and crazy" to be a good lover; however, he doesn't even like to kiss. This makes me sad because I think kissing is an important part of foreplay and particularly important during romantic moments.
I now find myself holding back when I am intimate with him, and becoming more inhibited as well. After sex, I'm left feeling frustrated, unsatisfied and sad. I don't like to put so much emphasis on sex, but I think I deserve more consideration.
Our relationship is flourishing except for the physical part. I care very much for this man, but I long to be kissed and caressed, and I doubt our relationship can endure without intimacy. Should I approach him about this? And can I expect him to change? -- NEEDING MORE IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR NEEDING MORE: Societal taboos, restrictive upbringings and unfortunate early experiences can cause sexual inhibitions.
You can help your lover change only if he is willing to cooperate. Honest communication is a must. There are many excellent books available to help partners improve their intimacy skills. Find a few and read them together.
A sex therapist can also help guide you to a more fulfilling sex life. Ask your physician to refer you to one.
DEAR ABBY: The 83-year-old great-grandmother from Indio, Calif., who wrote to praise the joys of life after getting a hearing aid in middle age, has done a great service for the hearing-impaired community in general.
Utilizing hearing devices at any age offers an opportunity for fulfilling the human need for communication and life participation. The majority of children diagnosed for hearing loss within the first three years of life and fitted with appropriate aids have a wonderful opportunity to develop speech and language skills with the ability to function in the normal hearing world. This is known as the auditory-verbal approach to helping deaf and hard-of-hearing children, and "looking old" is the last thing these children would imagine.
The mother who would not wear hearing aids because she thought they would make her look old might have an easier time if she could imagine the delight young people have when they realize they can actually hear. There is much research still being done to help all levels of hearing loss, and there are now hearing aids available that are hardly visible. Please let your readers know that there are also community services available to help put them in touch with audiologists who are certified to dispense hearing aids and make appropriate medical referrals. -- JOSEPHINE WILSON, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, HEAR CENTER, PASADENA, CALIF.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)