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BACK-TO-SCHOOL LESSONS INCLUDE LEARNING THE DANGERS OF DRUGS
DEAR ABBY: I am asking you to please help us alert all Americans about the danger of children becoming involved with drugs. The best preventative is for parents to take the time to consistently talk to their children about drugs, alcohol and tobacco from the time they are old enough to understand. I can think of no better way to get this important message before the public than your column, and that's why I hope you'll print my letter to parents. -- GEN. BARRY MC CAFFREY (RET.), DIRECTOR, OFFICE OF NATIONAL DRUG CONTROL POLICY
DEAR GEN. MC CAFFREY: It is a pleasure to help spread the word. Your vital message is one that all parents should take to heart:
DEAR PARENTS: As your children begin this new school year, take the time to talk to them about the dangers posed by illegal drugs, alcohol and tobacco.
Some questions and answers to get you started discussing these topics with your children:
-- Why should you avoid illegal drugs like cocaine, heroin, marijuana, methamphetamine and LSD? Because your central nervous system is still developing. If you use these drugs, you risk impairing that development and causing permanent brain damage.
Psychoactive drugs affect your brain and impair judgment. Under their influence, you are more likely to endanger your life or a friend's. You will be less able to protect yourself from physical or sexual assault.
These drugs are addictive. You are not in control of how they affect you. You could become dependent on them very quickly. Smoking marijuana is illegal and a possible gateway to more dangerous drugs. A 12-year-old who smokes marijuana is 79 times as likely to have an addictive problem later in life as a non-marijuana-using child.
-- Why should you avoid alcohol (including beer, wine, wine coolers and mixed drinks)? Because alcohol is the second leading cause of preventable death in our nation, claiming more than 100,000 lives a year.
Adolescents are twice as likely to be involved in a fatal, alcohol-related crash as adults.
Half of sexual assault and date-rape cases involve alcohol.
Alcohol-related driving accidents, violence and suicide are the three greatest causes of death among American youth.
Drinking is illegal if you are under 21.
-- Why shouldn't you smoke cigarettes? Because nicotine is the leading cause of preventable death in our nation, claiming more than 400,000 lives a year.
Each day another 3,000 kids will begin smoking. One-third of them will probably have their lives shortened as a result.
Children who smoke cigarettes are 5.9 times more likely to use other illegal drugs. A 1994 study by Columbia University's Center for Alcohol and Substance Abuse found that 83 percent of those who used cocaine identified smoking cigarettes as a gateway behavior.
It is important to speak CONSISTENTLY to your children about these dangerous drugs throughout the year, not just at the beginning of the school year. About one in 10 of our children aged 12 to 17 are now using illegal drugs. They do not understand the associated risks. You can help your children appreciate what's at stake if they smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or use illegal drugs. If you don't, your child is more likely to risk his or her mental and physical health.
Devoted Son Finds a Little Kindness Goes a Long Way
DEAR ABBY: My father died when I was 10. My world spun out of control for a few years because I had lost my hero -- the man I most admired. Since I wanted to grow up to be like my dad, I was always looking for someone like him to be my friend. Fortunately, I was blessed with several who served as mentors and taught me what my dad would have had he lived.
Today, I am 51, and while I mentor others, I am still very close to two mentors of my own. May I pass on some advice from one who transformed the quality of my life and my mother's too:
I have the best mom in the world. She's tough as a water buffalo, opinionated, thinks I could have been president and still nags me to eat more vegetables.
Three years ago, my mentor suggested I call my mother every day just to hear her voice, to let her hear mine, to hear about her day -- and tell her that I love her.
I eat one meal a week with Mom, usually dinner, but sometimes lunch or breakfast. This past week, I didn't get a chance to share a meal with her, and since she was leaving town Friday morning with an elderly friend, I drove over to see her Thursday night. While there, she asked me to review her map from AAA, and we spent about 20 minutes looking it over. Before I left, Mom told me how relieved she was that we had looked over the route and that I knew where she was going.
The last time I was there, I changed two batteries in her garage door opener, and the time before, I used the blower to clean out her garage and she served me a delicious pot roast.
Today I have a priceless relationship with my mom, thanks to the advice of my mentor. I'm as attentive to her as my father would be if he were alive -- I am indeed my father's son.
Diana Ross was right. You can reach out and touch someone, and in so doing, change their world -- and yours too. -- A DEVOTED SON, PHOENIX
DEAR DEVOTED SON: Those who spread joy invariably reap a good measure for themselves.
DEAR ABBY: About the husband who phoned his wife's boss to say she would not be in that day due to a death in the family: When asked who died, he stammered, and it was obvious he didn't know. I can beat that.
The New York City Department of Corrections gives its officers three days of paid "bereavement" time. Since no one checks up, and the policy is so generous, relatives drop like flies. (Always during the holidays or when beautiful weather is forecast.)
One guy I work with has had the worst luck imaginable. This spring his mother died for the fourth time in seven years. I'm not kidding. -- C.O. IN STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.
DEAR C.O.: My condolences to the officer who lost his mother -- again. But someone should warn this guy that by the time her ninth life is over, the personnel department may have learned to add. The Department of Corrections should be using only the most efficient time-management techniques, at least for those uniformed men and women on the right side of the bars.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WIDOWER GUILTY OF BAD TASTE IN SIGNING WIFE'S NAME TO CARD
DEAR ABBY: I am 68 years old and have been a widow for 10 years. The gentleman I am dating (I'll call him Jim) is 72 and has been a widower for seven years. We have been dating for five years.
Recently we attended the 50th anniversary party for some longtime friends of Jim's. After the dinner, the couple opened their gifts and read the cards aloud to the guests. Imagine my shock when Jim's card was read. He had signed it "Jim and Margaret" -- Margaret was his wife's name!
I immediately told him how hurt I was, and he said he saw nothing wrong with signing his deceased wife's name to the card. He said he and Margaret had been best friends of the honored couple for over 40 years, and he wanted to keep Margaret's memory alive in their thoughts through this gift.
I was deeply hurt by Jim's actions, both in signing the card as he did and having no regrets about doing so.
Abby, do you think I'm wasting precious time in this relationship? -- HURT IN CHERRY HILL, N.J.
DEAR HURT: Signing the card "Jim and Margaret" was indeed in poor taste in view of the fact that you and he have been dating for the last five years. He is living in the past. But before breaking off your relationship because of a single thoughtless act, ask yourself if you would be better off WITH him or WITHOUT him.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column faithfully and have a couple of suggestions that could be of great help to your readers.
1. The names of all medications should be written on a card along with the correct dosage, how many times a day it must be taken and what it is for. The card should be carried at all times.
2. No one should leave home without a typewritten note with his or her name on it, stating whom to notify in case of an accident. It should NOT be placed in a purse or wallet; it should be placed in a pocket, in case the person is unconscious or the victim of a violent crime. All too often purses, wallets and ID "disappear," and there is no way to identify the person, or notify relatives or friends what their medical problems might be. -- EUGENE J. CARADEUC, DALY CITY, CALIF.
DEAR MR. CARADEUC: It's wise for people to carry a medication card and a note for identification, but it's also imperative for those with serious medical conditions to wear a medical tag providing medical information and a telephone number where a more complete summary of emergency information is available. (Order blanks are usually available at local pharmacies.)
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been having an ongoing "discussion" during the four years of our marriage. The disagreement involves who precedes whom when locating a place to sit upon entering a restaurant when a host/hostess doesn't seat you.
I am 49 years old and have always been preceded by my escort down the church aisle to locate a seat. He then steps back and lets me enter the pew first. The situation has always been similarly handled in eating establishments.
My husband believes that the woman always precedes the man in any situation. Who's right? -- JEANNIE ROBERTS, WILDERSVILLE, TENN.
DEAR JEANNIE: Your husband. According to Emily Post and Letitia Baldrige, the woman precedes the man in both situations.
In a restaurant, the lady precedes the man to the table and seats herself, or waits for her escort to pull her chair out for her.
In church, she sits in the selected pew, then slides over for her mate or escort.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)