What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Regarding complaints about construction workers who play their portable radios while working on homes, which the neighbors found annoying: In Marin County, Calif., the Planning Department has a standard condition prohibiting work before 8 a.m. and after 6 p.m. on weekdays -- and always on weekends.
Nevertheless, some folks disregard the rules, in which case a formal letter of complaint is sent to the Building Department.
I recently built a lovely home, and when I hired the contractor, I informed him that my rules were: no dogs, no radios, no smoking and no blocking the driveway. I was living on the property at the time and didn't want to be disturbed, nor did I want to disturb my neighbors.
The contractor was wonderful and abided by all the rules. When the house was finished, I threw a nice party for all the workmen. -- ANNE S. IN MARIN COUNTY
DEAR ANNE S.: Congratulations on your successful housewarming. Yours was not the only letter I received in reaction to the letter about the remodeling project that upset the neighbors. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am the general contractor for the project the neighbors complained about in the letter you published on July 9. It was the third time the homeowners had hired me to work on their property, and the complaints from your writers, the couple to the east, came as no great surprise.
The project was to be finished by June 15, but due to unforeseen problems, completion was delayed one week. I, personally, would have been thrilled if my workers had started before 7 a.m. or agreed to work seven days a week, as it would have enabled me to meet the original deadline.
True, the workers had radios. On most of the occasions when those neighbors came to complain about them, the volume was so low I could barely hear it -- and I was on the property. Once, the offending radio turned out to be in the master bath of the house on the other side of their property.
Abby, Los Angeles has noise ordinances, and this couple called the police at least twice a week. Each time, they were informed that no bounds were being overstepped. Throughout the remodeling I frequently encountered, but never received a complaint, from the neighbors on the west side of the house. Nor did I ever hear a peep from the tenants of the three-story apartment building to the rear! In fact, I've since been asked to bid on similar projects by two other homeowners who live on the same block, which gives me confidence in the lack of intrusion felt by the other neighbors.
I was astounded to see the whole situation in your column. But it answered a long-standing question that many of us in the high-tech world wonder about: "Can all those letters in Dear Abby be from real people?" -- CHRISTIANNE CLARK, CLARK CONSTRUCTION AND DESIGN GROUP, CULVER CITY, CALIF.
DEAR CHRISTIANNE: There are usually two sides to every story, and in the interest of fairness, I thought my readers should see yours. Since the police were summoned to the worksite semiweekly and found nothing out of order, it seems that you were apparently not only innocent of creating noise pollution, you were well within the limits of the law.
TEEN DRIVER CONTRACT GIVES PARENTS' RULES FOR THE ROAD
DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, when my son was still a young boy, I read a letter in your column asking you to reprint some rules for teens before they are allowed to drive the family car. I had thought about keeping it, but decided then that the day was too far off. Now my son is two months short of his 16th birthday and eager to get his license.
Would it be possible for you to print those rules again for the benefit of a new generation of teens? Thank you very much. -- A CANADIAN MOM
DEAR CANADIAN MOM: The "rules" were actually a contract, which was the brainchild of a pair of "Proud Parents." I'm pleased to run it for you and others for whom it could be useful:
DEAR ABBY: Being the parents of a 16-year-old who has just passed his driver's license examination, we feel that other parents such as we are apprehensive about their child's newly found freedom, and perhaps would like to ease some of that anxiety by drawing up a contract as we did, as a reminder of the seriousness of this new responsibility. It has worked wonders for us.
DRIVING CONTRACT
I ( ), on this day, do agree to the stipulations stated below rendering me the privilege of driving my parents' cars. If, at any time, I violate the said agreement, the driving privileges will be forfeited to the extent and degree of violation.
1. Should I get a traffic violation ticket, I agree to pay for the ticket as well as the difference in the insurance premium for as long as the premium is in effect.
2. I agree to pay for damages that I incur not covered by insurance.
3. At no time will I ever drink alcoholic beverages and drive at the same time, nor will there be any liquor or beer in the car at any time.
4. I will never transport more passengers than there are seat belts, and will not drive the car until all passengers have buckled up.
5. I will keep the car that I drive clean, inside and out, and be aware of its needs for gas, oil, etc., plus wax the car once a month.
I have read the above agreement and do sign this in accordance with the rules.
Signed,
( ) Child
( ) Parent
( ) Parent
Date: ( )
Submitted by ... PROUD PARENTS
DEAR ABBY: Here's another one for your "never thought I'd be writing to Dear Abby" collection.
I've been reading your column for ages, but I don't recall having seen this topic addressed. I have an old Bible that has seen better days. The pages are tearing and beginning to fall out. I have purchased a new Bible, but I am not sure what to do with the old one. I don't feel right just throwing it into the garbage.
Is there a proper way to dispose of an old Bible? -- MIKE IN TEXAS
DEAR MIKE: Yes. I consulted the Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, Calif., and was told: Protestants can dispose of an old Bible by giving it to someone or throwing it away if they are comfortable doing so -- the paper and ink are not "holy." However, if the individual is not comfortable with that, it can be given to a Bible bookstore or Bible Book Society for refurbishing or disposal.
Father Joe Moniz at St. Joseph's Church in Torrance, Calif., advised that Catholics can either burn or bury old Bibles.
Persons of other religions should consult their religious authority concerning an accepted manner of disposing of holy books.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN WITH 'INNER QUALITIES' HAS FEWER THAN HE THINKS
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Available in Maine," who lamented that women disregard him because he is not drop-dead handsome and doesn't drive a Jaguar. He included the ways in which he would show his love if only a woman would see the inner qualities of this mid-30s man with a master's degree.
Although you gave him sympathy, my double-standard alarm went off. Suspicious phrases include: "Is it lovely outside, or is it just you?" and "I'll hide cute little gifts so I can put a smile on your beautiful face." I would be willing to bet serious money that he is not talking about inner beauty.
In my experience, most average-looking women in their mid-30s have long since given up any fantasies of an Adonis in a Jaguar sweeping them off their feet. They are looking for a life partner with whom to share love, respect and the storms of life. I doubt these are the women "Available" has in mind. I would bet that he has his heart set on a beautiful woman 10 years his junior that he can put on a pedestal (or in a trophy case).
I've known several of these men, average-looking males who bemoan their lack of success with their latest obsession -- who is always lovely and always much younger. I've also known many bright, witty and interesting professional women in their 30s and 40s who never have a date because all the men their age are busy pursuing pretty girls in their 20s.
"Available" might do well to examine his own values first. Perhaps he's the one who is passing judgment based on appearance. After all, shallowness knows no gender.
My husband and I are average on the looks scale. I'm 49 and he's 48, and we've been married for four wonderful years. I know what it's like to be in a partnership of equals based on love and respect, and there's nothing better. -- SUSPICIOUS IN WASHINGTON
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with you concerning your response to "Feeling Guilty." You told her you saw no reason to tell her children that their father had been married previously.
My mom had told my brothers and me that she and Dad had eloped and were married by a justice of the peace.
When I was 18, my mother died. While helping Dad sort through her things, I found some pictures of her as a bride in a formal wedding gown. Several aunts and uncles and other family members were in those pictures.
This left me wondering why my three brothers and I had never been told about Mom's first marriage. I was hurt to think she didn't trust me enough to share that part of her life with me.
My grandmother was left to explain my mother's first marriage, and I was left to wonder what else I didn't know about my mother. -- HURT DAUGHTER
DEAR HURT: Although I saw no reason why "Feeling Guilty" should tell her children about their father's first marriage since it was very brief and was annulled by the Catholic Church, I confirmed her option to tell her children when they were old enough to understand what a "divorce" is.
DEAR ABBY: A letter that appeared in your column about baton twirling reminded me of something I witnessed many years ago:
During World War II, I was aboard ship in the South Pacific. One day one of the ship's crew members picked up a section of a broken broom handle and, stepping up on the after cargo hatch, began twirling the stick like a baton. He was absolutely fantastic! I watched spellbound by his artistic expertise. And so did a lot of other men aboard the LST (Landing Ship, Tanks). When he finished his exhibition, the sailors and Marines gave him a standing ovation. His demonstration was not considered effeminate by any of the crew or Marines.
By the way, the Marines were from the 5th Marine Division and we were headed for Iwo Jima! -- MARION E. HUTSON, PORTSMOUTH, VA.
READERS: A little reminder. Today is Friday the 13th. Don't walk under ladders or let a black cat cross your path.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)