To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TEEN DRIVER CONTRACT GIVES PARENTS' RULES FOR THE ROAD
DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, when my son was still a young boy, I read a letter in your column asking you to reprint some rules for teens before they are allowed to drive the family car. I had thought about keeping it, but decided then that the day was too far off. Now my son is two months short of his 16th birthday and eager to get his license.
Would it be possible for you to print those rules again for the benefit of a new generation of teens? Thank you very much. -- A CANADIAN MOM
DEAR CANADIAN MOM: The "rules" were actually a contract, which was the brainchild of a pair of "Proud Parents." I'm pleased to run it for you and others for whom it could be useful:
DEAR ABBY: Being the parents of a 16-year-old who has just passed his driver's license examination, we feel that other parents such as we are apprehensive about their child's newly found freedom, and perhaps would like to ease some of that anxiety by drawing up a contract as we did, as a reminder of the seriousness of this new responsibility. It has worked wonders for us.
DRIVING CONTRACT
I ( ), on this day, do agree to the stipulations stated below rendering me the privilege of driving my parents' cars. If, at any time, I violate the said agreement, the driving privileges will be forfeited to the extent and degree of violation.
1. Should I get a traffic violation ticket, I agree to pay for the ticket as well as the difference in the insurance premium for as long as the premium is in effect.
2. I agree to pay for damages that I incur not covered by insurance.
3. At no time will I ever drink alcoholic beverages and drive at the same time, nor will there be any liquor or beer in the car at any time.
4. I will never transport more passengers than there are seat belts, and will not drive the car until all passengers have buckled up.
5. I will keep the car that I drive clean, inside and out, and be aware of its needs for gas, oil, etc., plus wax the car once a month.
I have read the above agreement and do sign this in accordance with the rules.
Signed,
( ) Child
( ) Parent
( ) Parent
Date: ( )
Submitted by ... PROUD PARENTS
DEAR ABBY: Here's another one for your "never thought I'd be writing to Dear Abby" collection.
I've been reading your column for ages, but I don't recall having seen this topic addressed. I have an old Bible that has seen better days. The pages are tearing and beginning to fall out. I have purchased a new Bible, but I am not sure what to do with the old one. I don't feel right just throwing it into the garbage.
Is there a proper way to dispose of an old Bible? -- MIKE IN TEXAS
DEAR MIKE: Yes. I consulted the Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, Calif., and was told: Protestants can dispose of an old Bible by giving it to someone or throwing it away if they are comfortable doing so -- the paper and ink are not "holy." However, if the individual is not comfortable with that, it can be given to a Bible bookstore or Bible Book Society for refurbishing or disposal.
Father Joe Moniz at St. Joseph's Church in Torrance, Calif., advised that Catholics can either burn or bury old Bibles.
Persons of other religions should consult their religious authority concerning an accepted manner of disposing of holy books.
MAN WITH 'INNER QUALITIES' HAS FEWER THAN HE THINKS
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Available in Maine," who lamented that women disregard him because he is not drop-dead handsome and doesn't drive a Jaguar. He included the ways in which he would show his love if only a woman would see the inner qualities of this mid-30s man with a master's degree.
Although you gave him sympathy, my double-standard alarm went off. Suspicious phrases include: "Is it lovely outside, or is it just you?" and "I'll hide cute little gifts so I can put a smile on your beautiful face." I would be willing to bet serious money that he is not talking about inner beauty.
In my experience, most average-looking women in their mid-30s have long since given up any fantasies of an Adonis in a Jaguar sweeping them off their feet. They are looking for a life partner with whom to share love, respect and the storms of life. I doubt these are the women "Available" has in mind. I would bet that he has his heart set on a beautiful woman 10 years his junior that he can put on a pedestal (or in a trophy case).
I've known several of these men, average-looking males who bemoan their lack of success with their latest obsession -- who is always lovely and always much younger. I've also known many bright, witty and interesting professional women in their 30s and 40s who never have a date because all the men their age are busy pursuing pretty girls in their 20s.
"Available" might do well to examine his own values first. Perhaps he's the one who is passing judgment based on appearance. After all, shallowness knows no gender.
My husband and I are average on the looks scale. I'm 49 and he's 48, and we've been married for four wonderful years. I know what it's like to be in a partnership of equals based on love and respect, and there's nothing better. -- SUSPICIOUS IN WASHINGTON
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with you concerning your response to "Feeling Guilty." You told her you saw no reason to tell her children that their father had been married previously.
My mom had told my brothers and me that she and Dad had eloped and were married by a justice of the peace.
When I was 18, my mother died. While helping Dad sort through her things, I found some pictures of her as a bride in a formal wedding gown. Several aunts and uncles and other family members were in those pictures.
This left me wondering why my three brothers and I had never been told about Mom's first marriage. I was hurt to think she didn't trust me enough to share that part of her life with me.
My grandmother was left to explain my mother's first marriage, and I was left to wonder what else I didn't know about my mother. -- HURT DAUGHTER
DEAR HURT: Although I saw no reason why "Feeling Guilty" should tell her children about their father's first marriage since it was very brief and was annulled by the Catholic Church, I confirmed her option to tell her children when they were old enough to understand what a "divorce" is.
DEAR ABBY: A letter that appeared in your column about baton twirling reminded me of something I witnessed many years ago:
During World War II, I was aboard ship in the South Pacific. One day one of the ship's crew members picked up a section of a broken broom handle and, stepping up on the after cargo hatch, began twirling the stick like a baton. He was absolutely fantastic! I watched spellbound by his artistic expertise. And so did a lot of other men aboard the LST (Landing Ship, Tanks). When he finished his exhibition, the sailors and Marines gave him a standing ovation. His demonstration was not considered effeminate by any of the crew or Marines.
By the way, the Marines were from the 5th Marine Division and we were headed for Iwo Jima! -- MARION E. HUTSON, PORTSMOUTH, VA.
READERS: A little reminder. Today is Friday the 13th. Don't walk under ladders or let a black cat cross your path.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
LIVE-IN COMPANION LEFT OUT OF CLASS REUNION WRITE-UP
DEAR ABBY: My live-in companion (call her Beth) is having a 55-year class reunion in about a month. We have lived together for eight years, travel together, attend church together, etc.
The trouble is, when she received her information on the reunion, she answered the questionnaire saying her husband was deceased, she was active in church groups, had friends, traveled all the time (last year to Australia, Hawaii and Mexico) -- not once mentioning that she had a companion.
I pay for all her trips and all of her expenses. I feel left out by her failing to mention me. I don't even want to go to the class reunion. Please give me some advice. -- LEFT OUT
DEAR LEFT OUT: Perhaps your companion felt uncomfortable disclosing on a class reunion questionnaire that she is living with and traveling with someone who is not her husband, so try not to take her omission personally. If she wants you to attend her 55-year reunion with her, stop pouting and go -- and you'll both probably have a wonderful time.
DEAR ABBY: Thank you so much for a wonderful idea! Stan and Dell Slack celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on July 4. Since all of their relatives lived out of state, we felt that a party would be too hard to pull off. We saw a letter in your column from Kay and Carol about their parents' 50th. Nanny and Poppy Slack went on vacation and we "borrowed" their Christmas card list. We loaded all the addresses onto the computer and printed out labels. We chose attractive computer stationery (the American flag for the July 4 date!) for our letter -- and mailed out 70 of them.
We asked everyone to send Nanny and Poppy a memory or experience that they had shared sometime during the last 50 years. Two days before the big day, Nanny called and asked what we did. We tried to plead the Fifth but failed. The response was phenomenal. They received cards, letters and photographs, and we gave them an album to put them all in.
Nanny and Poppy were thrilled and are still ecstatic over all of the memories. We can't thank you enough for printing such a fantastic hint. -- JERRY, KATHY, CAITLIN AND COURTNEY SLACK, BASKING RIDGE, N.J.
DEAR JERRY, KATHY, CAITLIN AND COURTNEY: I can think of few things as priceless as being showered with happy memories. I'm happy to have been of service.
DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid fan of yours for years, but have been reluctant to add to your voluminous pile of mail until now. Concerning the letter in your column about "calendars that feature scantily clad young women," I do not believe your reply was entirely appropriate.
Most large companies have established rules against such sexual harassment. Lockheed Martin Tactical Aircraft Systems Standard Practices 825-3, which includes the display of calendars that are offensive or sexually suggestive, is an example of such rules. Although there are many public laws and federal regulations against harassment, the most comprehensive is Title 7 of the Civil Rights Act.
I hope you will reconsider your reply and let people know that they do not have to put up with sexual harassment no matter how subtle. -- FREDERICK H. CLEVELAND, FORT WORTH, TEXAS
DEAR FREDERICK H. CLEVELAND: I have reconsidered, thanks to overwhelming outcry from more sensitive readers. Pictures of scantily clad women are inappropriate "art" for display in any office.
DEAR READERS: A reminder from a National Fire Protection Association bulletin:
"Never put butter, ointment or any form of grease on a burn. Grease insulates the skin, keeping the heat in, which makes the injury worse.
"Cool a burn by holding the burned skin under cool running water for 10 to 15 minutes. If the burned area is charred or blistered, the victim requires immediate emergency medical attention."
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)