HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WOMB-MATE IN CHICAGO -- We were 12 years old before we realized that all the fireworks and flag-waving were not in honor of our birthday!
TREAT OLD GLORY WITH RENEWED RESPECT AS WE CELEBRATE TODAY
DEAR READERS: This moving piece has become something of a Fourth of July tradition:
YOUR FLAG
Hello. Remember me? Some people call me Old Glory, others call me the Star-Spangled Banner, but whatever they call me, I am your flag, the flag of the United States of America.
Something has been bothering me, so I thought I might talk it over with you -- because it is about you and me.
I remember some time ago, people would line up on both sides of the street to watch the parade, and naturally I was leading every one, proudly waving in the breeze.
When your daddy saw me coming, he immediately removed his hat and placed it against his left shoulder so that his hand was directly over his heart -- remember?
And you, I remember, were standing there, straight as a soldier. You didn't have a hat, but you were giving the right salute. Remember your little sister? Not to be outdone, she was saluting the same as you with her right hand over her heart -- remember?
What happened? I'm still the same old flag. Oh, I've added a few more stars since you were a boy, and a lot more blood has been shed since those parades of long ago.
But now, somehow I don't feel as proud as I used to feel. When I come down your street, you just stand there with your hands in your pickets. You may give me a small glance, and then you look away. I see children running around you shouting; they don't seem to know who I am.
I saw one man take his hat off, then he looked around, and when he didn't see anybody else take off his hat, he quickly put his on again.
Is it a sin to be patriotic today? Have you forgotten what I stand for and where I have been? Anzio, Guadalcanal, Korea and Vietnam!
Take a look at the memorial honor rolls and see the names of those patriotic Americans who gave their lives to keep this republic free. When you salute me, you are actually saluting them.
Well, it won't be long until I'll be coming down your street again. So when you see me, please stand straight and place your hand over your heart, and I'll know that you remembered. I'll salute you by waving back! -- PAUL C. GRAHAM
DEAR ABBY: A while back, you answered a woman who wanted to know when it is appropriate to fly the American flag. I thought you would like to see the list from "Flag Code, Directions for Use" that was published by the U.S. Army in 1918:
Feb. 12 .... Lincoln's Birthday
Feb. 22 .... Washington's Birthday
April 19 ... Battle of Lexington
June 14 .... Flag Day
July 4 ..... Independence Day
Oct. 17 .... Saratoga Day
Oct. 19 .... Yorktown Surrender
Nov. 25 .... Evacuation of Yorktown
And long may it wave! -- ELLEN SUE TURNER, SAN ANTONIO
DEAR ELLEN SUE: Thank you for a fascinating bit of history. Since I published in January the "modern list" of dates for flying the flag, readers have pointed out that Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Father's Day were missing -- so I'm adding them now. Happy Fourth of July, everyone.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Noisy Babies Are Welcomed by Rabbi Who Celebrates Life
DEAR ABBY: When did weddings cease being joyous religious and family celebrations and become media events? A clergyman recently wrote to you asking, "Can you imagine what it's like to officiate at a wedding with a baby screaming at the top of its lungs? Have you ever watched and listened to a video of a wedding with two or three babies crying while the parents make no attempt to quiet them?"
Babies are a part of the family, Abby. I have been in synagogues where babies began crying -- not in distress, but simply because babies make noise -- and I have been embarrassed. Not embarrassed by the babies, but embarrassed by their mothers, who felt it was necessary to take them out so as not to "disturb" the other worshipers. I have followed mothers out of the sanctuary of the synagogue (when I had the privilege of doing so, as a congregant rather than a rabbi) and assured them that their babies, in my opinion, enhanced the worship by their truth, their honesty and sincerity. What is a baby's cry if not a prayer?
As with regular worship services, even more is it true of weddings. Yes, I have officiated at weddings where babies were present and noisy; I have not been disturbed by them, and by acknowledging the delight of the infants, I have kept the wedding party and guests from being disturbed.
One wedding in particular comes to mind, in which a couple who had been married five years earlier in a civil ceremony asked me to preside at a religious ceremony. Their infant daughter was present, held in her grandfather's arms, and she made noise, as a baby will do. The noises of the happy baby disturbed nobody present, and she quickly quieted from the loud noises to gentle cooing when I suggested that she be transferred to her mother's arms. I acknowledged her as a part of the wedding party, and the wedding was immeasurably beautified by her presence.
Exclude babies? God forbid that I should ever do so! Peace and blessings ... RABBI ZEV-HAYYIM FEYER, ATLANTA
DEAR RABBI FEYER: As with most issues, there is more than one opinion. Thank you for stating yours.
DEAR ABBY: The Fourth of July is almost here, and I would like you to remind your readers that it is safer to watch fireworks at a professional display than to use them on their own.
Every year, thousands of Americans -- many of them children -- receive injuries serious enough to require a trip to the hospital. The typical injuries are to the head, face and hands, and many result in blindness and amputations. Even sparklers, often given to young children as toys, burn at temperatures as hot as 1,200 degrees.
Please, Abby, ask your readers to think twice this Fourth of July about needlessly exposing themselves and their children to serious injury. Instead, attend a public display put on by professionals who are trained to safely handle dangerous materials. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION, QUINCY, MASS.
DEAR MR. MILLER: Thank you for the reminder. I couldn't have said it better myself. Readers, please take note, and have a safe Fourth of July.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wedding Dinner Guest Switch Was Quite Properly Handled
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently invited to a wedding, and we promptly returned our RSVP indicating we would be attending the wedding and dinner.
At the last minute, my husband found out he would not be able to make it to the dinner. Since I did not feel comfortable going alone, and knowing that two meals had been paid for, I brought my 24-year-old daughter in his place. Our friends who were hosting the reception were most gracious about it. My daughter left shortly after the meal when my husband arrived.
Was this proper etiquette? I'm sure other families have found themselves in similar situations. -- C.L., MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR C.L.: Your question was not addressed in any of the etiquette books I consulted; however, I do not think you committed a breach of etiquette. Because your RSVP indicated that two individuals would attend the dinner and your daughter is an adult, your hosts did not have to make any adjustments in order to accommodate her. A further courtesy would have been to telephone the hosts (if they were reachable) and let them know your change in plans.
DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago at work, while on our coffee break, "Sarah" mentioned to me and three other women that her nephew had published a book of poems in some kind of fancy script writing. The nephew was asking $15 for the book. Sarah said she knew we could all afford it. I told her I just wasn't interested in poetry and knew it would end up cluttering my home.
Later, Sarah came by my desk and loudly informed me that when I didn't purchase the book, the other three women also turned it down. She said that because we were such good friends, I should have purchased it "just to be nice," and she would have done as much for me. Now she's no longer speaking to me.
Was I obligated to buy the book, even though I didn't want it? What are your thoughts on this, Abby? -- POETIC JUSTICE, PLEASE
DEAR POETIC JUSTICE: Sarah was taking advantage of all of you. You were under no obligation to purchase the book, and neither were your co-workers. Many employers have policies against interoffice soliciting to protect employees from such awkward situations.
DEAR ABBY: I can't think of a better way to get the word out to the various radio stations across America than to write a letter to you and have you publish it.
I would be most grateful if you would alert them to the fact that their call letters mean absolutely nothing to travelers on their way through their listening area. My husband and I travel a lot, and while crossing the United States, we often turn on the radio to get weather forecasts. When the radio stations don't identify which city they are broadcasting from, we have no idea whether they are in the vicinity or in another state.
I suggest that all radio personnel, when giving out their call letters, also indicate the city from which they are broadcasting. Thank you, Abby. -- JEANETTE WATSON, AUBURN, N.H.
DEAR JEANETTE WATSON: Thanks for an excellent suggestion. Vacationers traveling by automobile will bless you.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)