Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Noisy Babies Are Welcomed by Rabbi Who Celebrates Life
DEAR ABBY: When did weddings cease being joyous religious and family celebrations and become media events? A clergyman recently wrote to you asking, "Can you imagine what it's like to officiate at a wedding with a baby screaming at the top of its lungs? Have you ever watched and listened to a video of a wedding with two or three babies crying while the parents make no attempt to quiet them?"
Babies are a part of the family, Abby. I have been in synagogues where babies began crying -- not in distress, but simply because babies make noise -- and I have been embarrassed. Not embarrassed by the babies, but embarrassed by their mothers, who felt it was necessary to take them out so as not to "disturb" the other worshipers. I have followed mothers out of the sanctuary of the synagogue (when I had the privilege of doing so, as a congregant rather than a rabbi) and assured them that their babies, in my opinion, enhanced the worship by their truth, their honesty and sincerity. What is a baby's cry if not a prayer?
As with regular worship services, even more is it true of weddings. Yes, I have officiated at weddings where babies were present and noisy; I have not been disturbed by them, and by acknowledging the delight of the infants, I have kept the wedding party and guests from being disturbed.
One wedding in particular comes to mind, in which a couple who had been married five years earlier in a civil ceremony asked me to preside at a religious ceremony. Their infant daughter was present, held in her grandfather's arms, and she made noise, as a baby will do. The noises of the happy baby disturbed nobody present, and she quickly quieted from the loud noises to gentle cooing when I suggested that she be transferred to her mother's arms. I acknowledged her as a part of the wedding party, and the wedding was immeasurably beautified by her presence.
Exclude babies? God forbid that I should ever do so! Peace and blessings ... RABBI ZEV-HAYYIM FEYER, ATLANTA
DEAR RABBI FEYER: As with most issues, there is more than one opinion. Thank you for stating yours.
DEAR ABBY: The Fourth of July is almost here, and I would like you to remind your readers that it is safer to watch fireworks at a professional display than to use them on their own.
Every year, thousands of Americans -- many of them children -- receive injuries serious enough to require a trip to the hospital. The typical injuries are to the head, face and hands, and many result in blindness and amputations. Even sparklers, often given to young children as toys, burn at temperatures as hot as 1,200 degrees.
Please, Abby, ask your readers to think twice this Fourth of July about needlessly exposing themselves and their children to serious injury. Instead, attend a public display put on by professionals who are trained to safely handle dangerous materials. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION, QUINCY, MASS.
DEAR MR. MILLER: Thank you for the reminder. I couldn't have said it better myself. Readers, please take note, and have a safe Fourth of July.
Wedding Dinner Guest Switch Was Quite Properly Handled
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently invited to a wedding, and we promptly returned our RSVP indicating we would be attending the wedding and dinner.
At the last minute, my husband found out he would not be able to make it to the dinner. Since I did not feel comfortable going alone, and knowing that two meals had been paid for, I brought my 24-year-old daughter in his place. Our friends who were hosting the reception were most gracious about it. My daughter left shortly after the meal when my husband arrived.
Was this proper etiquette? I'm sure other families have found themselves in similar situations. -- C.L., MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR C.L.: Your question was not addressed in any of the etiquette books I consulted; however, I do not think you committed a breach of etiquette. Because your RSVP indicated that two individuals would attend the dinner and your daughter is an adult, your hosts did not have to make any adjustments in order to accommodate her. A further courtesy would have been to telephone the hosts (if they were reachable) and let them know your change in plans.
DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago at work, while on our coffee break, "Sarah" mentioned to me and three other women that her nephew had published a book of poems in some kind of fancy script writing. The nephew was asking $15 for the book. Sarah said she knew we could all afford it. I told her I just wasn't interested in poetry and knew it would end up cluttering my home.
Later, Sarah came by my desk and loudly informed me that when I didn't purchase the book, the other three women also turned it down. She said that because we were such good friends, I should have purchased it "just to be nice," and she would have done as much for me. Now she's no longer speaking to me.
Was I obligated to buy the book, even though I didn't want it? What are your thoughts on this, Abby? -- POETIC JUSTICE, PLEASE
DEAR POETIC JUSTICE: Sarah was taking advantage of all of you. You were under no obligation to purchase the book, and neither were your co-workers. Many employers have policies against interoffice soliciting to protect employees from such awkward situations.
DEAR ABBY: I can't think of a better way to get the word out to the various radio stations across America than to write a letter to you and have you publish it.
I would be most grateful if you would alert them to the fact that their call letters mean absolutely nothing to travelers on their way through their listening area. My husband and I travel a lot, and while crossing the United States, we often turn on the radio to get weather forecasts. When the radio stations don't identify which city they are broadcasting from, we have no idea whether they are in the vicinity or in another state.
I suggest that all radio personnel, when giving out their call letters, also indicate the city from which they are broadcasting. Thank you, Abby. -- JEANETTE WATSON, AUBURN, N.H.
DEAR JEANETTE WATSON: Thanks for an excellent suggestion. Vacationers traveling by automobile will bless you.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mother's Day Brings Only Pain for Mom Who's Mostly Ignored
DEAR ABBY: I have three grown children between the ages of 30 and 40. This past Mother's Day, I received no card or gift from any of them. Oh, one child finally left a message on my answering machine late in the evening after I had given up hope and gone to bed. (I found it the next morning.)
My heartache increased with every hour of Mother's Day, and in the days that followed when I looked in vain in my mailbox for a belated card and waited for my phone to ring with a call of apology.
I admit I haven't been a perfect mother, but I think I am worthy of being acknowledged on Mother's Day. From the time they were born, I have given my children -- and their children -- my love and support and have always remembered them on their special days.
Although my heartache has diminished, I cringe at the thought of facing another Mother's Day, and yet I don't want to chastise them for ignoring me because I would never know if future remembrances were done only out of a sense of duty.
Abby, do you have any words of wisdom to comfort me? -- IGNORED MOTHER
DEAR IGNORED MOTHER: Sorry, I have no words of wisdom to comfort you, but I do have a question: How do your children treat you the other 364 days of the year?
DEAR ABBY: About May or June of each year, people begin to receive graduation invitations from nieces, nephews, grandnephews and grandnieces they have rarely seen and with whom they have had no communication whatsoever.
Well, what I do may not be right, but I write the graduates a letter to let them know that I am pleased with their status, and state that I wish I had the opportunity to know them better and hope they will make an effort to stay in touch with me in the future.
I send no gift, no check -- nothing but my congratulations. Abby, what do you and your readers have to say about how I handle the situation? -- IGNORED IN FLORIDA
DEAR IGNORED: I think you handle the situation admirably in view of the circumstances.
DEAR ABBY: Many people write to you complaining about receiving catalogs in the mail. They call it "junk mail."
I disagree. I'm an older woman and don't drive. If I want to shop locally, one of my children has to drive me, then wait until I get my shopping done. I hate to inconvenience them, so I shop through catalogs for birthday and Christmas gifts, clothing, shoes, even fishing gear. That way, I can shop at my leisure, compare prices and find items that are otherwise impossible to find. I love catalogs. You may use my name. -- ELIZABETH MC GREW IN RENO, NEV.
DEAR ELIZABETH MC GREW: You are not alone. Many readers have written to say that catalogs are the answer to their prayers. Small wonder that catalogs are now a multibillion-dollar business.
DEAR ABBY: My wife's aunt and uncle were married for 46 years; then they divorced. Neither remarried during the next four years. They then decided that their divorce was a mistake, so they remarried and have been married for the past four years.
They now want to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Can they? Should they?
Some relatives think it's a great idea, but a few others think that because their 50 years of marriage have not been continuous, they do not qualify for this honor.
Abby, what do you and your readers think? -- NO CITY OR STATE, PLEASE
DEAR NO CITY: I think they should go ahead and celebrate their 50th.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)