To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Devil's Advocate Has Sympathy for Cops Who Lose Their Cool
DEAR ABBY: I am an 84-year-old woman who would like to play the devil's advocate, but in this case, I would like to know who the devil is.
An officer of the law, whose job it is to reprimand anyone who is breaking the law, must drive 80 to 100 miles an hour on a freeway, chasing someone who is endangering the lives of everyone on the freeway, including himself.
Abby, how can we expect a police officer (who doesn't know whether he will go home to his wife and kids that night) to drive at breakneck speed for an hour or more, and keep his composure when he finally catches up with the criminal? If he's human, he will lash out at the culprit. Then, it seems to me, everyone is appalled at the behavior of the police officer -- instead of the one who is breaking the law.
Ten-to-one, the criminal is high on something, and though the marks on him are visible, I'll bet he didn't feel the blows as much as the high he was getting on the substance, which gave him the courage to drive that fast.
What say you, Abby? -- ELEANOR FROM BROOKLYN
DEAR ELEANOR: I can understand your frustration, but tolerating police brutality will not reduce our crime rate. The police are trained (and paid) to apprehend criminals. They are NOT vigilantes who may enforce their own code of punishment.
All citizens would be in great danger if taking the law into our own hands became acceptable.
DEAR ABBY: What is your opinion of people who take photographs -- and, in some instances, motion pictures -- of strangers in a public area without their permission?
I am not referring to celebrities, but the general public. -- A.O. IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR A.O.: Photographing strangers without permission is a clear invasion of their privacy. Most people may have no objections, but on the chance that they do, they should be asked first.
DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, you reprinted a brief essay about death. I don't remember the exact wording, but the gist of the piece was likening the individual to a ship -- seen by one group of people as leaving, and at the same time seen by another group as arriving.
This piece impressed me so much that I want it to be read at my funeral.
I wasn't able to keep the newspaper. If you recognize this essay, will you please print it again? -- ELAINE HARPER, NASHVILLE, TENN.
DEAR ELAINE: The piece was titled "A Parable of Immortality," by Henry Van Dyke. Not only have I published it before, it's also in my "Keepers" booklet. Here it is:
"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!'
"Gone where? Gone from my sight -- that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the places of destination.
"Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here she comes!'"
Picture of Health Is Clouded by Cardiovascular Disease
DEAR ABBY: I am writing this in the hope of alerting others to some of the lesser-known symptoms of possible heart problems.
I was a daily runner for 23 years and never thought I would have cardiovascular disease.
For several months as I started my run, I felt a burning sensation in my throat. It kept getting worse, but always went away after about a mile of my three-mile run. I never experienced any chest pains, although toward the end, I did have occasional pain in my upper left arm.
My doctor finally gave me a stress test (treadmill), which showed heart abnormalities.
To summarize: In an 11-month period, I have had angioplasty twice and triple bypass surgery. Some of my arteries were 95 percent blocked although the heart itself was strong.
I'm writing to warn anyone who might be experiencing the burning sensation when engaging in strenuous activity such as jogging, running, mowing their lawn, etc. I had had several EKGs, which did not reveal the artery blockages. Please inform your readers that everyone should have a periodic stress test. You may use my name. -- JOHN A. HARDAWAY, LEAVENWORTH, KAN.
DEAR JOHN: I'm sure there are many people living healthy lifestyles who think they have no need to worry about cardiovascular disease, but you are evidence that a healthy lifestyle may not be enough; screening is also necessary.
According to Dr. Rodman Starke, senior vice president of the American Heart Association, coronary artery disease resulting in heart attack is the single largest killer of American men and women. He said: "Each year, as many as 1.5 million Americans experience a new or recurrent heart attack, and about 500,000 of them die. That is why early diagnosis of coronary artery disease is so important."
Dr. Starke and the American Heart Association urge everyone to learn the warning signs that signal a heart problem: uncomfortable pressure, fullness, squeezing or pain in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes or goes away and comes back; pain that spreads to the shoulders, neck, arms or jaw; chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea or shortness of breath.
Not all the warning signs occur in every patient, but if some begin to occur, get help immediately because the delay could be fatal.
Readers, please don't let John's story be your story. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible about a cardiovascular evaluation, and if you have experienced any of the warning signs, call 911 or your local medical emergency hotline immediately.
DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old son recently passed away and I was amazed at how rude people can be at a time like that.
Several people sent plants to the mortuary with a note for certain people to take the plants home with them. One family even sent a plant with a note on it asking that the plant be returned to their home after the funeral!
The funeral director told us that this was becoming a real problem for them as it was causing a great many hurt feelings.
Abby, please tell your readers if they want funeral flowers given to a certain person, they should have the flowers sent to that person's home, not to the funeral home. A grieving person doesn't need any more pain. -- GRIEVING IN BUFORD, GA.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Childless Woman Celebrates Chance to Help Others' Kids
DEAR ABBY: I am flabbergasted at all the letters from people who are desperate to have children.
I am a baby boomer who, like many of my friends, was delighted to discover that getting married and having children was not the only option for women. We went to college, pursued careers, traveled to exotic places and got involved in our communities. Some of us got married, and some of us even raised our husband's children from a failed first marriage. Overall, we've had a great half-century.
I know I owe much of my happy state to the adults -- aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of my parents, teachers -- who took an interest in me when I was growing up. My immediate family verged on the dysfunctional, but these other wonderful, caring people provided the shelter, laughter and inspiration that my parents couldn't give me. I've tried to return the favor to nephews and nieces, and the children of my friends and neighbors.
In this day and age, an empty womb is not a tragedy -- it just means that you have the time and good fortune to make a difference in someone else's life. It's time for childless people to toss those tear-stained pillows away, go to the nearest school, and offer to tutor or help a disadvantaged child. -- NO REGRETS
DEAR NO REGRETS: You are a prime example of two profound adages: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" (Abraham Lincoln), and "Life is what we make it (William James)."
God bless you for your generosity.
DEAR ABBY: I have read many letters in your column from men who aren't particularly handsome, but would love to meet a decent woman who would appreciate him for what he is on the inside. I feel sorry for those men. However, there must be something wrong when a 30-something, educated professional man can't find someone to love, and says it's because women don't think he's good-looking enough.
I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but I got married when I was 25. I had about a dozen proposals before Mr. Right came along.
My best friend, brainy and leggy with a wonderful heart, could barely find a date. The reason? She didn't know how to communicate with the opposite sex. Finally, after much encouragement, she went down your list of places to meet decent men and (here is the clincher) she sought therapy.
The therapy taught her a lot about herself. The church and volunteer organizations gave her a place to try out what she had learned.
She met a wonderful man who appreciates her for what she is. Two years ago, I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Two months ago, I attended the christening of their first child.
Abby, there is hope for those without partners, but blaming others for their being alone will get them nowhere. -- TRULY HAPPY IN TENNESSEE
DEAR READERS: "When a man says, 'I lie,' does he lie, or does he speak the truth?
"If he lies, he speaks the truth. If he speaks the truth, he lies." -- MARK TWAIN (1835-1910)
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)