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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem that I am unable to come to grips with and hope that you can offer me some advice. I am a 35-year-old married mother of three. I have a solid marriage and a good family life. We are a religious couple who attend church regularly, do not drink alcohol or use tobacco, and refrain from using vulgar language.

My husband works for the city in a 24-hour plant that is manned by all males in a situation where work space is shared by all. Some of the men have taken the liberty of hanging calendars that feature scantily clad or partially nude young women. My husband finds this very offensive and against his religious beliefs, as do I. One of the other men has the same values, and he took one of the calendars down and threw it away. He later was reprimanded for destroying another person's personal property.

Abby, is there anything that can be done about this? We do not feel that another person's perverted ideas should be forced on the other men who have to share the same work areas.

My husband chooses to ignore the calendar pictures because he feels there is nothing he can do about it. I feel that this is a public work area that should be free of such trash. Do we have any rights? I would appreciate a serious answer, Abby, because I am very troubled about this effort to publicly degrade women. -- TROUBLE AT WORK

DEAR TROUBLE: The calendars are hung in your husband's workplace, not yours, and he works in a public facility. You may not approve of the calendar art, but your husband has the right attitude: Ignore it. A lawyer could tell you if he has any rights in the matter. What's "trash" to one person may be "art" to another.

DEAR ABBY: Like many before me, I never thought I'd need to write to you, but I have a problem that is really bugging me.

Almost three years ago my son married, and some good friends of ours have not sent a gift. We sent nice gifts to their two children when they married. Now their third child is getting married and we have, of course, received an invitation to the wedding.

More than a year ago, they admitted they had not sent a gift to our son and his wife, but they didn't even ask for their address.

I had a pleasant conversation with this friend recently, but I didn't bring up the absence of a gift to my son. You can't very well ask friends why they haven't given your child a wedding gift, can you? I guess there is nothing I can do; nevertheless, I am perplexed and disappointed that they have not seen fit to reciprocate.

I know a gift is just that -- a gift -- but there are certain "rules" that most people follow. If you print this, sign me ... NAMELESS PLEASE

DEAR NAMELESS: There is no way a person can ask friends why they haven't sent your child a gift. If there is, I am not aware of it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4900 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64112; (816) 932-6600