To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Pharmacy Intern's Experience Turns Out to Be Real Downer
DEAR ABBY: I recently started to work at a pharmacy as an intern, and I go home every night frustrated to tears by what I see in a day's work.
There are medical claims, hundreds of them daily. Many are for preventable sicknesses that could be cured by over-the-counter drugs. Some people abuse the emergency rooms just to get prescriptions necessary for Medicaid. An example is cough syrup. Once again, the system pays a couple of hundred dollars for a child with a common cold whose parents wouldn't spring the $3.99 it would cost for a bottle of cough syrup.
Abby, some people are so uneducated they don't know how to take the medicine. (Have you ever known anyone to eat a suppository?)
I got a call the other day from a girl who asked me whether or not she's pregnant when there are two blue lines on the stick. (She's 12 years old and didn't know how to read a package insert to take the pregnancy test!)
Wait -- there's more. The abuse of the system isn't happening only in health care and pharmacy; we had a job available that women applied for via the unemployment office just to get their papers signed so they could keep drawing welfare or unemployment benefits. Some people have even tried to use food stamps to pay for narcotics!
I am so disgusted -- maybe I'll move to Canada. -- ANGELA IN SAVANNAH
DEAR ANGELA: Please don't move to Canada. We need people like you in the U.S.A.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a soldier currently deployed to Bosnia for Operation Joint Endeavor. I just received an "Any Soldier" box from American Legion Post 1976 in Virginia. I am touched by the goodness of so many of my fellow American citizens who still go out of their way to do a good deed, especially when they do it for strangers. Their mail means so much to those of us who are away from our families and loved ones.
We received shipments of books from the Red Cross, Soldier of Fortune magazine, publishers' warehouses and also from private citizens. All of the special packages, letters, pictures and good will are inspiring during one of the most difficult times in our lives.
With a little faith and luck -- and a lot of patience -- I will return to my 7-month-old daughter and my "Mr. Mom" nondeployed soldier husband.
I want to thank all who participated in this mail campaign for their generosity and kindness in remembering the military forces behind the mission. I will be leaving here in September, but many of my co-workers will be here for more than a year. I ask that your readers continue to remember them. -- 1ST LT. EMILY C. FELVUS, LUKAVAC, BOSNIA
P.S. We read you daily in "The Stars and Stripes."
DEAR ABBY: There is so much hate and violence in this world, but it can be reduced if we all work together. It would be helpful if we had more examples of kindness after which to pattern our behavior.
A friend of mine performed one of those examples of kindness when she took my 84-year-old mother, who has Alzheimer's disease, fishing. It made Mother laugh and enjoy the outdoors. I have a full-time caretaker for Mom, but my friend gave my mother a special treat.
I think it would be nice if you ask your readers to write to you about kind things done for them and publish a series of these acts of kindness. Goodness knows there is media coverage about plenty of bad things, so if you offset those with good news, it would be very inspiring. Please think about it. -- JUANITA BAKER, VERO BEACH, FLA.
DEAR JUANITA: You have done me a kindness with your compassionate suggestion. Readers, please let me hear from you.
COUPLE ARE POLAR OPPOSITES WHEN IT COMES TO SHARING BED
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are totally incompatible in the bedroom. I am not talking about sex; I'm talking about our sleep habits.
Tom likes the windows open with the room air cool, the radio playing, and the curtains open so the morning light streams in.
I like to be warm, so I object to the cool air as well as the street noise. I prefer the room to be dark and quiet, and I can't fall asleep to music playing or sleep through bright lights in the morning.
I've tried earplugs to block out the sound, but they don't always work -- and besides I want to be able to hear my kids. We do have an electric blanket with dual controls, but aside from regulating it, there are other issues we can't agree on.
Please help! Don't suggest sleeping in different rooms. We don't have a spare bedroom. -- SLEEPLESS AND SUFFERING
DEAR SLEEPLESS: You and your husband should compromise in the bedroom. Tell him if he'll agree to turn off the music or use a headset, you'll agree to leaving the windows open. Then, wear warmer nightclothes and buy a sleep mask at the drugstore to block the morning light. You both need to "give" a little.
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my 20-year-old marriage was destroyed by my husband's obsession with another woman. My childhood was anything but secure, so my marriage meant the world to me -- so much so that I swallowed my pride and tried everything to save the marriage.
We went to marriage counseling and I changed jobs so I would have more time for my husband. Well, he left me anyway. He wasn't the only one with zero respect for me -- I had none for myself.
For weeks I slept with a knife under my pillow hoping I would wake up with enough courage to end my miserable life. However, by what I believe was divine intervention, I was asked to volunteer at the Humane Society, and it saved my life. Those homeless animals needed me.
After I had regained some of my self-esteem, I moved to Hawaii and found a studio on several acres of land where I could operate a facility to rescue abused animals. Never had I known such peace and fulfillment.
When I was married, I was afraid of displeasing my husband or his family. Now, I please myself, and I can't imagine living that other life again.
I wrote this to encourage all those who are devastated at the breakup of a marriage and think there's no life after divorce. There is, and it can be a better life. Mahalo. -- RECOVERED DIVORCEE
DEAR DIVORCEE: Thank you for an inspiring letter. It seems to be true that when one door closes, another opens -- usually for the better.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Couple Can't Decide Whose House Should Be Their Home
DEAR ABBY: Within the next year I will be getting married to a man who has recently ended a 12-year marriage that was troubled from day one. He and his ex-wife had purchased and lived in a home not far from the one I now own. He has improved his home over the years and the balance on his mortgage is less than half of what I owe on my home.
Since we are both approaching 50, we are seeking to establish ourselves financially after his divorce. He wants us to sell my home and move into his, although my home has greater potential for appreciation because of its location.
A number of friends have said that I should be reluctant to move into the same house he had occupied with his first wife. I have discussed this with him, and he said if selling his home and moving into mine will make me happy, we will do it. He also says there are no good memories of his marriage in that house, so "ghosts" will not be a problem. He promises we will make our own good memories and says it's not the house but what goes on inside it that matters. I'm free to redecorate however I want, and we will make it our home.
Abby, I'm confused. My practical nature tells me that the economics of moving into his home are better for us; my emotional side tells me that we should either move into my house (which has never been shared with anyone) or sell both homes and buy another one. What are your thoughts on this? -- UNDECIDED
DEAR UNDECIDED: If you can swing it financially, I vote for buying a new home.
DEAR ABBY: I read with great interest the letter from the American sailor with the Filipina wife. The lady is jealous of her husband's absences.
I was in the same situation when I was in the Navy and married my wife, also a Filipina. "Sasebo Sailor" needs to get into the local group of Filipinos in our Navy. (Our Navy recruited Filipinos in the Philippines until 1992.) If "Sailor" and his wife became socially involved in this group, she would no longer be anxious when her husband deploys.
The "bamboo pipeline" (Asian gossip) has more connections than any phone company and it's far more efficient. The Filipina (woman) will be assured that her husband is not availing himself of any other women, plus she will have a support network of people from her homeland.
My wife and I have been married for 11 years, are still very much in love, and have learned to live with our cultural differences. There are reasons why many Asian women prefer American men, and there are many American men who are crazy about their Oriental wives. -- JOE CHASSE, SAGINAW, TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: As I left the mall yesterday, I saw three boys no more than 14 years old sitting on the curb smoking!
I don't know why, but I stopped and said: "It makes me sad to see your young lungs being ruined by smoking. If only you could see the people in my condo complex with holes in their chests because they ruined their lungs by smoking, you would never light another cigarette as long as you live."
To my surprise, the three of them put out their cigarettes without saying a word.
I walked away feeling so good. -- PEGGY BERRY, MARGATE, FLA.
DEAR PEGGY: You deserve to feel good. You had the courage to speak up -- and you possibly saved three lives.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)