To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: We are a group of women who meet each week to play cards. Last week one women mentioned she had promised to baby-sit her 2-year-old grandson while her son and daughter-in-law go away for the weekend.
She indicated she really wasn't looking forward to caring for the child, and that if he resisted her attempts to put him to sleep, she would "give him a little something" to make him sleep. This woman's husband is a dentist and they have any number of drugs available to them.
When we expressed our shock over what she was planning to do, she brushed us off and said it was perfectly all right, because she and her husband had done the same thing to their own children when they were small.
We are tempted to notify the child's parents. Please help us decide what to do. -- LONG ISLAND CANASTA LADIES
DEAR LONG ISLAND LADIES: Children are not miniature adults; their bodies are developing and they respond to medication differently than do adults. Children should never be given alcohol or any medication unless prescribed by a pediatrician.
Grandma needs to be educated before she is entrusted with a 2-year-old. Tell her that unless she changes her mind, you will feel compelled to inform the child's parents.
DEAR ABBY: I am a man who by most people's standards would be considered normal. I am an architect in my late 40s and lead an average life, except for my hobby: baton twirling.
I have been fascinated with baton twirling since I was a boy. I never took it up, however, for fear of appearing effeminate. Now that I am a man and comfortable with my masculinity, I twirl in my home or back yard during my leisure moments. Abby, I cannot describe to you how much flak I have received about this.
While baton twirling may be an unusual hobby, I don't see what is so wrong with it. What do you think? I am unashamed, and proud to print my name. -- MICHAEL DEIBELE, PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR MICHAEL: Baton twirling is an admirable feat. It require perfect timing as well as nimble fingers. If you wore a tall hat and had a marching band behind you, no one would give it a second thought. Besides, I would rather see men twirling batons than hurling them. Enjoy yourself.
DEAR ABBY: For some time now, I have been meaning to write to you about something that concerns me. I'm a catalog shopper and I'm distressed to see how many children's items are made to be monogrammed for a small charge. It is very tempting to put a child's name on something, but it is so dangerous if the item is one that will be used in public -- either worn, carried or played with.
With a child's name spelled out for those who would wish to do the child harm, it is all the more easy for them to call the child by name and thereby allay any fears the child might have of strangers. After all, if someone calls you by your name, he or she must know you.
Please caution mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and gift-givers to refrain from putting children's names on items they will use in public. I think you will be doing a great service to the safety of children by doing so. -- BETTE K. STEWARD, BRIDGEWATER, MASS.
DEAR BETTE STEWART: I've had this warning in my column several times, but one cannot alert the public too often when the welfare of our children is concerned.
TRIAL JUDGE CALLS CRITICISM OF JURY SYSTEM OUT OF ORDER
DEAR ABBY: I recently read your column in which you quoted disgruntled jurors. I believe you have given the wrong impression to your readers.
I have been a trial judge for 25 years and have presided over literally thousands of jury trials. For many years I even gave jurors forms on which they could anonymously give me their complaints. With rare exception, nobody disparaged jury service as did your readers. Most thought it was not only their duty, but a privilege to serve.
Some of your correspondents suggest we abolish juries and have professional jurors and judges as fact finders. They might be interested to know that this was the system used in Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia, resulting in millions dying in concentration camps.
The reason for the Magna Carta and the Sixth and Seventh Amendments in the Bill of Rights was to curtail the absolute power of the sovereign and allow judgments to be made by one's peers.
The jury system rightly has been called the "cornerstone of democracy." Americans should be proud to serve as jurors. They should be paid a very substantial fee for their services -- and parenthetically, those employers who refuse to continue to pay their employees' wages while they are serving as jurors should be jailed. -- ROBERT E. DAUER, PRESIDENT JUDGE, ALLEGHENY COUNTY COURT OF COMMON PLEAS, PITTSBURGH
DEAR ABBY: Our dad was married to his second wife for 20 years. He recently died.
Our stepmom is a nice lady, but she seldom invited us to their home when Dad was living, and now that he is gone, we never see her.
We're not interested in Dad's money; we just wish that we could each have a memento of his. We asked her once, but nothing happened. She has already given away (or sold) most of Dad's things.
Should we ask her if there is anything left that we could buy? -- HURT IN RENTON, WASH.
DEAR HURT: Yes. And I suggest you hurry.
DEAR ABBY: I am one of a group of ladies who meet once a week for Bible study. We are all very congenial and I enjoy the meetings.
Now, my problem: Every week we take turns preparing a nice lunch, but one lady (I'll call her Sally) always brings her own lunch -- a large salad. She claims she is on a diet and the food prepared by the hostess would sabotage her diet.
I think this is extremely rude and an insult to the hostess. I voiced my opinion to a friend, and she said she saw no harm in Sally's behavior. I must add that Sally is far from discreet about eating her "lunch." I think it would be more polite to eat a small portion of the prepared meal provided by the hostess.
What do you think, Abby? We will abide by your opinion. -- STEAMED
DEAR STEAMED: Sorry, I vote for Sally's right to stick with her diet. (What's eating YOU?)
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Construction Cacophony Is No Music to Neighbor's Ears
DEAR ABBY: Could you tell me why construction workers feel it is their privilege to have their radios and boom boxes blaring while they work on residential property? What would happen if we all felt we had this privilege? For instance, imagine what it would be like if gardeners, tellers in the bank or checkers in the markets all played their radios at high volume while they worked.
I live next door to a house that has been undergoing remodeling for four months. (The owners moved out and won't return until the work is completed, and who knows when that will be?) One day I was subjected to the noise of three radios -- from three different construction crews.
Time and time again I have appealed to the workers, the contractor and the owners to alleviate the stress of having to listen to this unnecessary noise pollution six and sometimes seven days a week -- often starting before 7 a.m. Nothing has changed.
I have no objection to the noise made by various tools they use, nor to the shouting, banging and dust attendant with the work. It contributes to the betterment of my neighbors' property and to the employment of people. But being forced to endure blaring radios is something else.
I have asked the workers why they can't use headsets, but have received no satisfactory answer. -- BOB PROUDLOCK, LOS ANGELES
DEAR BOB: Headsets could pose a danger to the workers. They would be unable to hear a cry for help or a warning of impending danger. Also, orders from the boss would be blocked.
Since your appeals have fallen on deaf ears, perhaps you should report the noise pollution to the police. Many cities have laws on disturbing the peace.
DEAR ABBY: In reference to "Sonia in Spring Lakes," who wrote complaining about "Jake," her 50-plus-year-old boyfriend who got too chummy with the hostess of a party that he took Sonia to:
You compared Jake to a bumblebee in the garden of life: entertaining to watch at a distance, but guaranteed to deliver a nasty sting if you got too close.
You advised Sonia to tell Jake to buzz off, which reminded me of the following poem:
"This is the story of the little bee
"Whose sex is very hard to see.
"You cannot tell the he from she
"But she can tell, and so can he.
"The busy bee is never still
"And has no time to take the Pill.
"And that is why, in times like these,
"There are so many sons of bees."
-- SIDNEY ROSEN, BRANDON, VT.
DEAR SIDNEY: At the risk of appearing "waspish," that poem appeared in my column in 1988, submitted by Jim Harvel, an Arizona beekeeper. But thanks for the reminder. You're a honey!
DEAR ABBY: Here's one more letter about grandmas catching bridal bouquets. I caught the bouquet at my grandson's wedding and didn't shove anyone to get it. I am 86 and not so spry. We all had a good laugh. Another grandson caught the garter.
The ladies at church have my wedding all planned. There's only one hitch -- they haven't found a groom yet. -- HAPPY GRANDMA
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)