Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CLOSED CAPTIONS COME IN HANDY FOR MANY WITH PERFECT HEARING
DEAR ABBY: I have just read the article from Mr. and Mrs. Ellington Mills, of Hot Springs, Ark.,regarding the background music on TV programs that causes the dialogue to be drowned out.
I'm also perturbed by this same annoyance, but have found a solution. May I suggest that they run, not walk, to their TV store and purchase a new television set? I was not aware that approximately three years ago, manufacturers were required to put closed captioning on TV sets to assist the hearing impaired. Not only does this help the hearing impaired, but it also helps the viewer who does not have a hearing problem keep up with the dialogue. It's fabulous! It also helps when the phone rings and the TV must be put on mute, because the closed captioning is still on screen.
While I'm on my soapbox, may I please praise the producers of TV programs and advertisers who use closed captioning. I have made a point to purchase items that are advertised that way.
My wish is that the older films have closed captioning added. It would be appreciated by the millions who use the service. -- WANDA A. FOSTER, FORT SMITH, ARK.
DEAR WANDA FOSTER: I'm sure many readers will appreciate your helpful suggestion. As of July 1, 1993, all television sets 13 inches or larger made or sold in the United States have closed-caption decoders built inside -- a tremendous boon to the more than 20 million people in the United States who suffer from some degree of hearing loss.
But closed captioning can also serve a wider population than the hearing impaired. It's an excellent teaching tool for recent immigrants who are struggling to learn English. The National Captioning Institute claims that a large percentage of caption decoders (which were sold separately before 1993) were purchased by Hispanic and Asian Americans who find it easier to understand new idioms and expressions when they can read and hear them at the same time. It can also be a valuable teaching tool when used regularly in homes where there are children who are reading at or below fourth-grade levels.
Anyone who is interested in learning more about closed caption technology should contact the National Captioning Institute Inc., 1900 Gallows Road, Vienna, Va. 22182. NCI has two toll-free numbers: 1-800-533-9673 for hearing people, and 1-800-950-0958 for deaf and speech-impaired people.
I wouldn't be doing my job, however, if I didn't point out that anyone who's experiencing difficulty hearing their favorite TV programs (or the dialogue in movie theaters) should schedule an appointment with his or her physician for a hearing examination. Special earphones are available for use in homes, theaters and concert halls that clarify sound and greatly reduce this annoying problem.
DEAR ABBY: In response to the letter you printed from a secretary who said she frequently sees "20's," "50's," "80's," etc. written in error, it's not necessarily a mistake. Although such expressions are not possessive or contractions, as she correctly stated, some publications -- most prominently The New York Times -- have adopted the apostrophe as a matter of style.
Some publications choose to spell out the words. The Asbury Park Press, which has published your column for decades, follows the guidelines in "The Associated Press Stylebook," which call for an apostrophe at the beginning of the numerals, as you said '96 necessitates. We write '20s, '50s, '80s and '96. -- WALLY PATRICK, COPY EDITOR, THE ASBURY PARK PRESS, NEPTUNE, N.J.
DEAR WALLY: I received an avalanche of critical letters for my statement concerning apostrophes. Thank you for restoring my self-confidence.
ANYONE STARTING A NEW LIFE COULD USE A 'STARTER' SHOWER
DEAR ABBY: Every year after graduation, thousands of young adults begin new jobs and move into homes of their own. Although this is an exciting time for them, it also can be a difficult one as they struggle to furnish their new living quarters. Most are reduced to begging from relatives, "making do" with castoffs, or doing without.
Since people marry later now, bridal showers often are given for older persons who have good jobs and who already have acquired everything they need. Some couples even purchase and furnish homes and live together for months or years before they say "I do."
Young, never-employed brides who migrate straight from parents to husbands (the ones for whom bridal showers were designed) are rare today.
Isn't it time to add a new twist to the old tradition and give "starter" showers for single men and women who are setting up housekeeping for the first time? "Starting over" showers would benefit people who have lost everything in disasters, as well as people who have recently divorced.
What do you think, Abby? -- MARILYN SWARTZ, TACOMA, WASH.
DEAR MARILYN: When I first heard about showers for singles several years ago, I thought, "Here's an idea whose time has come!" It's a great idea -- for all the reasons you stated.
DEAR ABBY: In all the years of faithfully reading your column, I have never felt compelled to write to you -- until now.
After reading the poem titled "The Tone of Your Voice," I couldn't stop crying. For years, people have criticized me about my tone of voice. They say it is too sharp and full of hostility.
Abby, I fail to understand how this can be true because I honestly feel no anger or hostility.
My mother, husband and siblings all take offense at my tone of voice, which kills any hope of honest communication. Close friends have also told me that I am often misunderstood because of my tone of voice.
Please, please tell me how I can overcome this handicap. It is no fun being disliked and misunderstood. Thank you. -- A MISUNDERSTOOD WOMAN
DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: Find a speech therapist or voice teacher. With proper training, the tone of your voice can be changed.
DEAR ABBY: You printed several letters about children at weddings and the consequences of their (mis)behavior. While I agree with the concept that it is the bride's day, I thought maybe you would enjoy a lighter side to the problem.
Ten years ago, our oldest daughter was married in our backyard. The weather was perfect, the lawn and flowers looked beautiful, and we had 70 guests. One of our neighbors had hired a baby sitter to stay with her two young daughters with strict instructions not to let the girls outside until the reception had started.
As everyone stood to pray, the baby sitter quietly opened the back door and let the dog outside and quickly shut the door before the girls begged to go outside. For 30 seconds, everything was fine -- then the dog saw the guests and commenced barking and howling throughout the entire prayer. As the preacher concluded, the baby sitter let the dog inside and everyone burst out laughing.
So, although everything was perfect and we had no disruptive children, we hadn't counted on the dog's blessing. We have it on the wedding video and it still makes us laugh every time we watch it. -- CAROL J. RHINEHART, ROCKWALL, TEXAS
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Two years after my divorce, I met "Jake," a divorced man near my age (50-plus). After several dates, he suggested that we sleep together. He promised not to sleep with any other woman, but wants to continue dating because he doesn't want to be accountable to anyone.
Jake told me that one of his former girlfriends ("Melanie") has been a bright spot in his life, and he plans to continue seeing her. He takes her dancing, to the movies, to parties -- and he travels with her.
Two weeks ago, Jake invited me to accompany him to a party at Melanie's home. I accepted and went, but now I wish I hadn't. He stayed by Melanie's side most of the evening. They were holding hands and looking into one another's eyes, oblivious to all who were present. I was very uncomfortable, but I didn't want to make a scene. Later, Jake told me that he loved Melanie, but was not "in love" with her -- whatever that means.
It doesn't seem to matter that I was upset knowing that he is seeing Melanie and other women, too. In fact, he said that when he told her I was jealous, they both laughed.
He still wants to be intimate with me, but I'm beginning to think he's not ready for intimacy.
What do you think, Abby? -- SONIA IN SPRING LAKES
DEAR SONIA: At least Jake is honest and up-front about feeling that intimacy and an exclusive relationship don't necessarily go hand in hand. Think of him as a bumblebee in the garden of life -- entertaining to watch at a distance, but guaranteed to deliver a nasty sting if you get too close. Tell Jake to buzz off.
DEAR ABBY: I have neighbors who live above me. The woman appears to be in her late 40s and the man in his early 30s. This couple live their lives in total silence. There's no TV, no radio, no stereo and their phone never rings.
Every time my phone rings, they stop dead in their tracks, as if they are listening.
I know some people are very quiet, but this is ridiculous. I feel like I'm under surveillance whenever they're home. I live in an older building (built in 1906), and sound travels easily. I don't even like to talk on the phone anymore. I'm a very friendly person, and I feel this is damaging my social life and possibly costing me friends.
Should I complain to the manager, or is there nothing I can do? -- QUIETLY GOING CRAZY
DEAR QUIETLY: Your letter is a first. I've never heard of a tenant complaining because the neighbors are "too quiet."
From your description, it's possible the couple is deaf and therefore have no need of a radio, etc. If that's the case, they cannot eavesdrop on your telephone conversations. But just in case they are listening in, tune your radio to a classical or golden oldies station and play it on low volume when you are home. That way, your phone conversations won't be as audible to the neighbors.
DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters and a brother -- none of them were blessed with children.
I have five children and 10 grandchildren. Our parents left us a very generous inheritance. I asked my sister if she had considered leaving anything to her nieces and nephews. Abby, she went ballistic! You would have thought I had asked her for a lung transplant!
Did I overstep my bounds, or was that a normal question? After all, family is family and blood is blood, isn't it? -- CONFUSED ON LONG ISLAND
DEAR CONFUSED: Even though family is family and blood is blood, it is presumptuous and tacky to ask a person what she plans to leave -- and to whom.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)