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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Has Second Thoughts About Opposite's Attraction

DEAR ABBY: I dated "James" for 18 months before he proposed. Our wedding is set for the fall of next year. James is loving, considerate and honest. However, we're completely opposite in our tastes and interests. I am romantic, artistic and impulsive. He is practical, predictable and stable.

I was happy with this relationship until a couple of months ago, when I went out to lunch several times with a single man I'll call "John." (We work together.) What began as a casual friendship seems to be developing into more. The attraction is mutual. We share the same values, the same likes and dislikes, and we often think alike. When I look at him, I see myself, so we're very compatible.

John, however, has a less-than-perfect past. He's been in some bad relationships and is twice divorced. He has a troubled family history and two teen-agers in therapy with numerous unresolved problems.

Abby, we both realize we won't remain "just friends" if we continue going out to lunch, etc. John hasn't mentioned marriage, but he has told me that he wants me in his life.

I think I love them both. James is safe. John is exciting. John knows about my fiance, but James doesn't have a clue. Should I go through with the wedding because I'm certain that James would be a good husband, or should I take my chances that John and I will find happiness together? -- BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED

DEAR BEWITCHED: If you are attracted to John, it's obvious that you are not in love with James. You would be doing James an enormous favor if you broke the engagement and freed him to find a woman who would love and appreciate him. And the sooner the better.