Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Combined Wedding Gift Rates Not Even One Thank-You Note

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, when I was a young lawyer with a prestigious law firm, I received a wedding invitation from an associate. (We're both female.)

Another colleague also received an invitation, and suggested that we pool our money in order to purchase something nicer than either one of us could afford alone. I agreed.

Well, it was a lovely wedding, but neither my friend nor I received an acknowledgment of our gift. Several months later, I asked the bride if she had received it. She replied, "No, I haven't, but it could be among the many packages in the warehouse that we haven't had time to open."

Abby, it's been three years and still no thank-you note from the bride or groom. I'm wondering if we committed a faux pas by combining our resources to buy her a single gift, and she was so offended she felt we didn't deserve a note of thanks. -- PHILADELPHIA LAWYER

DEAR PHILADELPHIA LAWYER: You did not commit a faux pas. The bride did. There was nothing wrong with pooling your funds to buy the bride a nicer gift. Should another occasion arise when a gift is required, a book of etiquette might be appropriate.