To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
PILLS IN GIRLFRIEND'S PURSE RAISE DOUBT IN MAN'S MIND
DEAR ABBY: I am in the military, stationed overseas. My girlfriend, to whom I have been engaged for almost a year, recently came to visit me. One evening I went into her purse to get a pen and came across a package of birth control pills.
We are not having intercourse, so I asked her why she needed them. She claimed that many women her age (27) take the pill for health reasons -- she used some medical terms that I didn't understand.
My ex-wife used to tell me that the pill caused many side effects, so many women avoided it.
Abby, I caught my girlfriend cheating once before, so naturally I am having doubts about her.
I am also confused about the pill issue. Is she trying to pull the wool over my eyes? She had an abortion five years ago. Does that justify her taking the pill? She also takes prenatal pills for "iron," she says.
Please answer soon. I'm going out of my mind with these doubts. -- SUSPICIOUS
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your girlfriend could be telling you the truth. According to William E. Merritt III, M.D., OB-GYN, T.H.E. (To Help Everyone) Clinic, and Sydney Hardy, community health educator, UCLA Family Planning Center, women take the pill for a variety of reasons, and in much lower doses than they did years ago when birth control pills caused significant side effects for some women.
Today, many doctors follow the theory that if one takes the pill long enough, it may reduce the risk of ovarian cancer. The pill also helps to regulate menstrual periods, reduces or eliminates severe menstrual cramps (dysmenorrhea), and reduces severe bleeding.
Although prenatal vitamins are most frequently prescribed for pregnant women, some physicians prescribe them for patients who are not pregnant, and later switch the patient to regular iron supplements.
I hope this puts to rest some of your concerns so that you can work on your real problem: the lack of trust between you and your girlfriend since you caught her cheating. Unless you are confident that what she tells you is true, yours is an engagement that should NOT end in marriage.
DEAR ABBY: You began your column just as I began my marriage (in 1956), and I have been a daily reader ever since. I've often taken your advice, and I'd like you to know how your influence has enriched my life.
I married a bright, ambitious young man who was determined to succeed. Poor, and with no financial assistance at the time of our marriage, neither I nor my husband had a college education. My husband began taking evening classes, and within a few years, was on the upward track with a world-class organization.
During our fourth year of marriage, around the time our second child was born, my husband decided to study law. I tended to home and babies. He became immersed in experiences beyond my understanding, and I became concerned for our marriage.
Right around that time, you wrote that marriages were most successful when spouses grew together, not apart. You challenged one reader to match her husband's career achievements. So, at the age of 33, when our children were school age, I decided to enroll in college.
Over the next 26 years, I earned a bachelor's degree, a master's degree and a Ph.D. in educational administration. My marriage, education and career have enriched my life, and my husband has been proud to involve me in his professional career.
As we begin our 50th year of marriage, he refers to us as "Dr. and Mr." A lot of this is your "fault," Abby. Thanks.
If you print my letter, please don't use my name. Sign me ... DOCTOR, WIFE AND MOTHER, ROSEVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR DOCTOR, WIFE AND MOTHER: I can't say enough for continuing education for adults.
Letters like yours make my job doubly rewarding. Thank you for letting me know I've been a positive influence in your life. It made my day!
HELP FOR TEEN-AGE RUNAWAYS IS AS CLOSE AS NEAREST PHONE
DEAR ABBY: In the summer of 1974, I was a runaway teen-age girl from Kansas living on the streets of Las Vegas. A Good Samaritan who called himself "Nard" befriended me.
He showed me a column you had written about Operation Peace of Mind, a program that allowed runaway kids to communicate with their families without disclosing their whereabouts. The hope was that opening the doors of communication between estranged teen-agers and their families would lead to reuniting them.
Operation Peace of Mind's philosophy worked for me. It got me out of a dangerous situation and back home where I belonged. My family and I will always be grateful to Operation Peace of Mind, to Nard and to you, Abby, for making this information available.
Does Operation Peace of Mind or anything similar still exist? Thank you, 22 wonderful years later. -- JANET RAMOS, CORTE MADERA, CALIF.
DEAR JANET: It's gratifying to know that you received the help you needed so long ago.
Although Operation Peace of Mind no longer exists, the need for such programs has not diminished. The streets of major cities all across America are often the only "home" young runaways are able to find. Once these children are on the streets, they are at risk for physical violence, disease and exploitation. They frequently become victims of crime, or resort to crime themselves in order to survive.
Fortunately, another organization that helps runaway and homeless youths, and those who are considering leaving home, does exist.
The National Runaway Switchboard is a toll-free, 24-hour hotline that provides confidential crisis intervention and referrals for youth in crisis and their families. By calling (800) 621-4000, young people nationwide who are stranded on the streets can be referred to a nearby shelter where they can spend the night safely. Teens can also receive crisis counseling, be referred to community-based organizations, and/or have a message delivered (in confidence) or a call conferenced to their families.
In addition, if runaways between the ages of 12 and 18 wish to return home, the National Runaway Switchboard will help them obtain free one-way bus transportation via Greyhound Lines' Home Free Program.
DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of three active children. We live on a tree-shaded street that is lined with condominiums. Most of them are occupied by families with young children.
The streets are all one-way and drivers frequently travel fast (30 to 40 mph), which is a matter of great concern to me and to other parents.
Now that warmer weather is here, kids are everywhere -- playing ball and hide-and-seek. The kids often forget to look left and right before they dart out from between parked cars.
Drivers need to be reminded to slow down, and parents should remind their kids about the dangers of playing in the streets.
Let's make this a safer summer for our children. Abby, please publish my message. -- PATTI DIAZ IN CHICAGO
DEAR PATTI: Many drivers tend to go faster than they should, and it takes only an instant for tragedy to occur. I'm delighted to help you alert other parents to remind their children to be careful when playing in or near the streets.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Reunion Registry Performs Yet Another of Its Miracles
DEAR ABBY: Thanks to reading about International Soundex Reunion Registry in your column, the son I gave up for adoption 26 years ago is back in my life.
I remember being drawn to the concept of ISRR, which, unlike other means of locating a child or birthparent, requires that both parties register and want to find each other in order for a match to be made. I clipped that column and kept it until I knew my son had turned 18, then sent for and completed the form. (That was in 1988.) Finally, a month ago, I got the call -- my son had registered the week before!
Giving up my baby boy was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Over the years, I assured myself that I did the right thing, but I've regretted it ever since. I never stopped wondering where my son was, who he looked like, and if he was healthy and happy. I cried buckets of tears and never quit praying.
Finding him, knowing he wanted to find me, and finally getting to be a mom (I never had any other children) has been my greatest joy.
Thank you, Abby and ISRR, for this miracle. I hope you print the address again so many others will also have an opportunity to unite. -- A MOM AT LAST, SAN RAMON, CALIF.
DEAR MOM: Thank you for sharing the story of your heartwarming reunion with your son. My best wishes to you both.
Readers, for those of you who may not have clipped the address for ISRR and would now like to have it, it is: P.O. Box 2312, Carson City, Nev. 89702. Please enclose a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope for a reply.
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, our son and his wife had a relatively large formal wedding with a sit-down dinner.
The invitations requested "no children, please," yet the bride's aunt brought her hyperactive 5-year-old granddaughter. Although she was a pretty little girl, she took over the reception dinner by running around the dining area, drinking champagne and dancing every dance.
When the bridal bouquet was thrown, guess who caught it. Needless to say, we were very unhappy that she was there because not only did she detract from the bride and groom, but she took over. We have a grandson approximately the same age who is quiet and well-mannered and who would have been thrilled to be invited to a wedding.
I'm sure "A Family Man in Bangor, Maine" is a wonderful, well-meaning dad, but when one ignores the request of the bride and groom, one must wonder how many people like us feel outraged.
No matter how cute the children, the stars of every wedding should be the bride and groom. -- OUTRAGED IN LINCOLN, NEB.
DEAR OUTRAGED: Anyone who has read my column for any length of time knows that I agree with you 100 percent. Not only did the bride's aunt commit a breach of etiquette by bringing her 5-year-old to the wedding, she compounded it by failing to assert parental authority when her child went out of control. And permitting a youngster to drink an alcoholic beverage is dangerous for the child and also against the law.
I heard from many readers condemning the practice of bringing children to weddings. Read on for another letter:
DEAR ABBY: May I add my comments to the ongoing saga about very young children at weddings?
I am a clergyman who has performed hundreds of wedding ceremonies over the past 20 years. I am also a family man with grown children and grandchildren.
Can you imagine what it's like to officiate at a wedding with a baby screaming at the top of its lungs? Have you ever watched and listened to a video of a wedding with two or three babies crying while the parents make no attempt to quiet them?
I recently officiated at a wedding when a baby started to scream so loudly I couldn't hear myself talk. The mother and her screaming baby were in the second row. The mother stood up, holding the baby, and just let it scream.
I stopped the ceremony, then the bride turned around and motioned for the mother to take the baby out, which she finally did. (What a "beautiful" memory that bride will have of her wedding.)
I have seen numerous brides break down in tears because their wedding was ruined by a crying baby. The babies weren't to blame; it was their mothers' fault! -- LAKELAND, FLA.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)