What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HELP FOR TEEN-AGE RUNAWAYS IS AS CLOSE AS NEAREST PHONE
DEAR ABBY: In the summer of 1974, I was a runaway teen-age girl from Kansas living on the streets of Las Vegas. A Good Samaritan who called himself "Nard" befriended me.
He showed me a column you had written about Operation Peace of Mind, a program that allowed runaway kids to communicate with their families without disclosing their whereabouts. The hope was that opening the doors of communication between estranged teen-agers and their families would lead to reuniting them.
Operation Peace of Mind's philosophy worked for me. It got me out of a dangerous situation and back home where I belonged. My family and I will always be grateful to Operation Peace of Mind, to Nard and to you, Abby, for making this information available.
Does Operation Peace of Mind or anything similar still exist? Thank you, 22 wonderful years later. -- JANET RAMOS, CORTE MADERA, CALIF.
DEAR JANET: It's gratifying to know that you received the help you needed so long ago.
Although Operation Peace of Mind no longer exists, the need for such programs has not diminished. The streets of major cities all across America are often the only "home" young runaways are able to find. Once these children are on the streets, they are at risk for physical violence, disease and exploitation. They frequently become victims of crime, or resort to crime themselves in order to survive.
Fortunately, another organization that helps runaway and homeless youths, and those who are considering leaving home, does exist.
The National Runaway Switchboard is a toll-free, 24-hour hotline that provides confidential crisis intervention and referrals for youth in crisis and their families. By calling (800) 621-4000, young people nationwide who are stranded on the streets can be referred to a nearby shelter where they can spend the night safely. Teens can also receive crisis counseling, be referred to community-based organizations, and/or have a message delivered (in confidence) or a call conferenced to their families.
In addition, if runaways between the ages of 12 and 18 wish to return home, the National Runaway Switchboard will help them obtain free one-way bus transportation via Greyhound Lines' Home Free Program.
DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of three active children. We live on a tree-shaded street that is lined with condominiums. Most of them are occupied by families with young children.
The streets are all one-way and drivers frequently travel fast (30 to 40 mph), which is a matter of great concern to me and to other parents.
Now that warmer weather is here, kids are everywhere -- playing ball and hide-and-seek. The kids often forget to look left and right before they dart out from between parked cars.
Drivers need to be reminded to slow down, and parents should remind their kids about the dangers of playing in the streets.
Let's make this a safer summer for our children. Abby, please publish my message. -- PATTI DIAZ IN CHICAGO
DEAR PATTI: Many drivers tend to go faster than they should, and it takes only an instant for tragedy to occur. I'm delighted to help you alert other parents to remind their children to be careful when playing in or near the streets.
Reunion Registry Performs Yet Another of Its Miracles
DEAR ABBY: Thanks to reading about International Soundex Reunion Registry in your column, the son I gave up for adoption 26 years ago is back in my life.
I remember being drawn to the concept of ISRR, which, unlike other means of locating a child or birthparent, requires that both parties register and want to find each other in order for a match to be made. I clipped that column and kept it until I knew my son had turned 18, then sent for and completed the form. (That was in 1988.) Finally, a month ago, I got the call -- my son had registered the week before!
Giving up my baby boy was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Over the years, I assured myself that I did the right thing, but I've regretted it ever since. I never stopped wondering where my son was, who he looked like, and if he was healthy and happy. I cried buckets of tears and never quit praying.
Finding him, knowing he wanted to find me, and finally getting to be a mom (I never had any other children) has been my greatest joy.
Thank you, Abby and ISRR, for this miracle. I hope you print the address again so many others will also have an opportunity to unite. -- A MOM AT LAST, SAN RAMON, CALIF.
DEAR MOM: Thank you for sharing the story of your heartwarming reunion with your son. My best wishes to you both.
Readers, for those of you who may not have clipped the address for ISRR and would now like to have it, it is: P.O. Box 2312, Carson City, Nev. 89702. Please enclose a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope for a reply.
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, our son and his wife had a relatively large formal wedding with a sit-down dinner.
The invitations requested "no children, please," yet the bride's aunt brought her hyperactive 5-year-old granddaughter. Although she was a pretty little girl, she took over the reception dinner by running around the dining area, drinking champagne and dancing every dance.
When the bridal bouquet was thrown, guess who caught it. Needless to say, we were very unhappy that she was there because not only did she detract from the bride and groom, but she took over. We have a grandson approximately the same age who is quiet and well-mannered and who would have been thrilled to be invited to a wedding.
I'm sure "A Family Man in Bangor, Maine" is a wonderful, well-meaning dad, but when one ignores the request of the bride and groom, one must wonder how many people like us feel outraged.
No matter how cute the children, the stars of every wedding should be the bride and groom. -- OUTRAGED IN LINCOLN, NEB.
DEAR OUTRAGED: Anyone who has read my column for any length of time knows that I agree with you 100 percent. Not only did the bride's aunt commit a breach of etiquette by bringing her 5-year-old to the wedding, she compounded it by failing to assert parental authority when her child went out of control. And permitting a youngster to drink an alcoholic beverage is dangerous for the child and also against the law.
I heard from many readers condemning the practice of bringing children to weddings. Read on for another letter:
DEAR ABBY: May I add my comments to the ongoing saga about very young children at weddings?
I am a clergyman who has performed hundreds of wedding ceremonies over the past 20 years. I am also a family man with grown children and grandchildren.
Can you imagine what it's like to officiate at a wedding with a baby screaming at the top of its lungs? Have you ever watched and listened to a video of a wedding with two or three babies crying while the parents make no attempt to quiet them?
I recently officiated at a wedding when a baby started to scream so loudly I couldn't hear myself talk. The mother and her screaming baby were in the second row. The mother stood up, holding the baby, and just let it scream.
I stopped the ceremony, then the bride turned around and motioned for the mother to take the baby out, which she finally did. (What a "beautiful" memory that bride will have of her wedding.)
I have seen numerous brides break down in tears because their wedding was ruined by a crying baby. The babies weren't to blame; it was their mothers' fault! -- LAKELAND, FLA.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Men Also Take It on the Chin From Spouses Who Abuse
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the warning signs of an abusive partner. However, you have unfairly portrayed men as the only abusers. Not so; women can also be abusers.
My brother was married to a physically abusive woman who exhibited all 15 points you mentioned in your column. It wasn't until he joined a support group and heard about similar experiences that he realized he wasn't the only man who got beat up by a woman.
After much research, I find that women are just as abusive as men in relationships.
Women are able to get away with abusing men because most men are too embarrassed to report it. With the massive attention now given to domestic violence, I feel it's time the other side of the story is told.
Abby, I am sure it would be a great relief to many men to see this in print. -- E.V. LILAND, DALLAS
DEAR E.V. LILAND: If what you state is true, that women are just as abusive as men in relationships, then I would like to see the statistics. Although I have no doubt that many men have been subjected to abuse by their spouses, my experts tell me that their numbers are dwarfed by the vast number of women who experience physical abuse at the hands of their husbands or boyfriends.
While researching a column about spousal abuse a year or so ago, I inquired if shelters were available for male victims of spousal battery. I was told that there are no shelters for men in California. Men are presumed able to provide for themselves.
Abused women are often captives in the abusive relationship, fearing that if they leave, they will be killed. Frequently they have been isolated by their abuser, have no money, credit or job skills, and feel they'll be unable to support themselves and their children. The same is not true for men.
DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, you published a letter from "Florida Wife," whose husband needs oxygen all the time and must carry a portable tank when they go out. She asked what to do in a restaurant when her husband needs to use the restroom, as the tank is too cumbersome for him to manage alone.
I also have to be on oxygen around the clock and have found the portable tank very inconvenient. Through my oxygen company, I obtained an "Oxymatic" (a lightweight computer that's attached to a gauge and to a canister filled with concentrated oxygen). It weighs only 4 pounds and can be used up to 7 1/2 to eight hours. It comes in a compact, nice-looking carrying case and can be carried by the handle or a shoulder strap. It's very convenient, and I easily manage alone in restrooms.
"Florida Wife" should contact her husband's oxygen company. I understand the cost is covered by Medicare.
Abby, I hope this information will help someone -- it has certainly made my life easier. You may use my name. -- JEAN BRIXIUS, LAKEWOOD, COLO.
DEAR JEAN: Your suggestion of a more compact oxygen system is excellent and should prove helpful to those who are required to have oxygen with them at all times. I checked, and portable and stationary oxygen equipment is covered by Medicare.
DEAR ABBY: I've found that stopping the flow of junk mail is nearly impossible. I once telephoned a catalog company and asked that my name be deleted.
Sure enough, my next catalog was addressed to: "Mary Delete McEvoy." -- MARY T. MC EVOY, D.D.S., MINNEAPOLIS
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)