What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
PRESIDENT GARFIELD'S JUDGE WAS THE MAN IN THE MIRROR
DEAR ABBY: I had a copy of President James A. Garfield's "Rules for Living" but have been unable to locate it for several months.
It seems that one of President Garfield's friends gave him a list of rules for moral living, which Garfield carried in his wallet for the rest of his life. These rules have been published in various periodicals.
I would appreciate it if you could locate a copy of these "rules for living" and print them in your column. I'm sure that many people would benefit from reading them again, and possibly for the first time.
I'm signing my name, but if you print this, please omit my name and sign this ... A MOMENT IN HISTORY
DEAR MOMENT: I have not seen the rules for living that you mention, but I came across a profound piece of philosophy attributed to President James Garfield. It is from a book I own titled "Facts About the Presidents" by Joseph Nathan Kane:
GARFIELD JUDGES GARFIELD
"I do not care what others say and think about me. But there is one man's opinion which I very much value, and that is the opinion of James Garfield. Others I need not think about. I can get away from them, but I have to be with him all the time. He is with me when I rise up and when I lie down; when I eat and talk; when I go out and come in. It makes a great difference whether he thinks well of me or not."
DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette when video-recording in someone else's home? My mother frequently visits my brother and his wife in another city with her trusty videocamera in tow. My brother and their toddler are always shot in their best light, but somehow she always manages to catch and film my sister-in-law first thing in the morning as she makes her bleary-eyed way to the bathroom. Mom especially likes shooting the dirty dishes or piles of laundry.
I've asked Mom why she didn't put down the camera and help with the chores, or at least film the great feast that led to the dirty dishes, but it does no good.
My mother makes no secret of her dislike for my brother's wife and uses her electronic demon to exact some demented pleasure. Is there a noncombative way of saying, "Leave the damn thing at home"? -- NOT EVEN A STATE, PLEASE
DEAR NOT EVEN: The best way to deal with this is for your brother to firmly tell your mother that she is welcome to visit -- on the condition that she leave her camcorder at home.
DEAR READERS: Mark Twain was a silent participant at a dinner party in Hartford, Conn., one evening. When he was chided afterward for not saying anything, he replied that his host had talked so incessantly as to leave little opportunity for any conversation.
"It reminds me of the man who was reproached by a friend, who said, 'I think it's a shame that you have not spoken to your wife for 15 years. How do you justify it?'
"The husband replied, 'I didn't want to interrupt her.'"
DEAR ABBY: I am responding to your wolf-dog article. In the response, you stated that owning a wolf hybrid is a bad idea. It's a good thing that you added "owners may argue," because I have an argument with your response.
I'm the proud owner of a black, yellow-eyed, 70 percent hybrid wolf. I got her from a breeder at 6 weeks old. I have learned a lot from her behavior. Many people fear "the big black wolf," but if they took the time to learn and understand them, they'd appreciate them.
Wolves do not attack people unless they are diseased or protecting their young, as any other animal would. Yes, I have heard terrible stories about young children who have been attacked, and I have also read about the wolf who was chained in his own back yard and attacked a child. The attack may have been provoked. Children should be taught responsibility and respect for animals.
It shocks me how many strangers (adults as well as children) will approach my hybrid, knowing she is a wolf, and start patting her and get in her face. No one should ever approach an animal without first asking the owner if it's a good idea. Some animals are nervous with strangers.
It is strongly suggested (and a good idea) to bring these animals around people as they grow. I have a 5-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old nephew. They both respect my wolf hybrid and play with her. She also shares the house with four dogs and one cat. Two of the dogs are toy poodles and one is a teacup poodle. The teacup poodle can make my hybrid drop to the ground and show her belly and her throat (her most vulnerable parts), which is what wolves do to show submission.
There are schools and classes for dogs. It's all in how they're brought up. If you abuse or neglect them, they might attack, as any other animal would. I wish I had the time to educate people, and more of these hybrids to raise. From what I have seen, these are some of the most graceful animals God has put on this Earth, and we need to respect them. I wish we wouldn't be so quick to judge what we know very little about. -- BEAUTY WITHOUT THE BEAST
DEAR BEAUTY WITHOUT THE BEAST: In fairness I'm printing your letter. However, the author of the article from which I quoted did check with experts on animal behavior. Therefore, I still caution anyone who is considering a wolf hybrid as a pet to be aware of the potential dangers when one tries to domesticate a wild animal.
DEAR ABBY: Your suggestion that "Needs Help Far From Home" find an Al-Anon meeting was right on. I have been attending Al-Anon for more than six years now and feel that everything I need to know I learned in Al-Anon.
The bottom line is that in Al-Anon we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, and that is the best calling card we can have for relationships of all kinds. -- J.Q., EUGENE, ORE.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am very troubled. When I married my second husband, "Fred," he told me he was a virgin, and passed himself off as caring toward women. Then, after our marriage, he mentioned that he used to frequent strip joints. I was upset about it because I'm a feminist, and I feel that visiting strip joints is disrespectful to women.
Two days before I went into labor to deliver our son, Fred told me that out of the five women he had slept with, he ranked me about third. After all, I'm 10 years older than Fred, and I'll never be as physically attractive as a prostitute. Then he said that emotionally he was more attracted to his high school sweetheart.
Abby, this is my second marriage and my third child. My chances of finding romance again are getting slimmer and slimmer.
I'm not ugly; I'm tall, slender and fairly attractive. I can't understand why someone who claims to love me would tell me that I rank lower than a prostitute. I was crushed. It made me feel very undesirable.
I told Fred if he wanted a younger woman, I'd leave and take the baby so he could start over again. He said no, he wanted me.
I find it degrading to live with a man who has been with prostitutes. He could have given me a disease. Am I the only woman who finds men who frequent prostitutes revolting? I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with a man like Fred.
However, he's going to college at my insistence. He says he has changed, and he'll volunteer some time in a women's crisis center to make amends.
Abby, should I stay with Fred or write him off as a bad mistake? -- DEVASTATED IN RENTON, WASH.
DEAR DEVASTATED: If Fred were sincere about making amends, he would offer to join you in marriage counseling instead of putting himself in a position to "help" troubled and vulnerable women in crisis.
Fear that your chances of finding another mate are slim is a poor reason for remaining in an abusive relationship. If I were you, I'd write Fred off as a bad mistake. And since he has told you that he has slept with prostitutes, I urge you to be tested for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
DEAR ABBY: My given name is William. My checks and credit cards are printed "William." My business cards identify me as William, and I introduce myself as William. My problem is, everybody wants to call me Bill, Billy, Willie or Will.
Today I received approximately 20 business phone calls, and at least 18 people, most of whom I've never met, immediately called me Bill. I find this presumptuous.
Abby, why do most people assume it is OK to address everyone named William as Bill? I notice that people named James are usually called Jim or Jimmy, and people named Robert are called Bob or Bobby.
Perhaps if you print this, it will let people know that they should use a person's name as he or she uses it. -- CALL ME WILLIAM
CONFIDENTIAL TO "APPROVES OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT" IN DETROIT: In the words of Robert Orben, "Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection unprotected."
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)