For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Prayer for Mercy and Peace Honors Mothers Who've Died
DEAR READERS: Today is Mother's Day, and I would like to take this opportunity to extend congratulations and good wishes to my readers as we celebrate this sentimental occasion. I have been asked many times by people whose mothers are no longer living if I know of a special prayer that might be offered to honor the memory of a deceased mother. The one with which I am most familiar is the prayer I found in my Union Home Prayer Book. It is the prayer that Jews recite on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement:
IN MEMORY OF MOTHER
"I remember thee in this solemn hour, my dear mother. I remember the days when thou didst dwell on earth, and thy tender love watched over me like a guardian angel. Thou hast gone from me, but the bond which unites our souls can never be severed; thine image lives within my heart.
"May the merciful Father reward thee for the faithfulness and kindness thou hast ever shown me; may he lift up the light of his countenance upon thee and grant thee eternal peace! Amen."
DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter I wrote signed "Distraught Middle Child." I told you I didn't know what to do about inviting my brother and sister to my wedding since both had threatened not to come if the other was invited. I thought you and your readers, some of whom were concerned enough to write to you about my problem, might like to know how the story ended:
I took your advice and invited neither "Victor" nor "Sarah" to my wedding. However, at the last minute, complications took the situation out of my hands.
My husband's best friend from college had a sudden emergency and was unable to attend. My husband very much wanted Victor to round out the wedding party. Feeling that I had no other option, I re-invited both Victor and Sarah. Victor accepted immediately, but Sarah snapped, "I'll send you a present!" and hung up on me.
The wedding went beautifully. However, during the reception, the door suddenly burst open and Sarah entered! She walked straight up to our brother, hugged him, and through her tears told him how sorry she was for the way she had treated him for the last three years.
He accepted her apology gracefully; then, he, too, began to cry.
Sarah then begged my forgiveness for missing my wedding, to which my wonderful husband jokingly remarked, "Don't worry, she'll have more; no one can put up with me for very long."
I cannot imagine a wedding present more wonderful than the one I received from my brother and sister. -- NO LONGER DISTRAUGHT
DEAR NO LONGER DISTRAUGHT: Neither can I. Thanks for a delightful upper.
DEAR ABBY: This is for "Dance Dilemma in St. Petersburg, Fla.":
If the father-in-law-to-be is telling the young couple how to run their wedding, what will the future be like?
Come on, Abby. I've married off four children, and they each had a dollar dance following the wedding. It has become a tradition, just like removing the bride's garter and tossing the bouquet.
If millionaire daddy-in-law is embarrassed by the dollar dance, he should make it a $100 dance and throw in a stock option for good measure. -- THERESA IN MUSKEGO, WIS.
ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE STRIKES YOUNG ADULTS AS WELL AS OLD
DEAR ABBY: I was just 53 years old when I began having trouble on my job as a bank teller with what seemed to be vision problems. Suddenly it became difficult to enter large numbers into my computer and my performance nosedived. My doctors tried changing my eyeglasses, but nothing helped. Eventually my doctor referred me to a neurologist, who suspected that I had a brain tumor, but following dozens of tests, made the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease.
Since then, my life has changed so much. No matter how loving and caring your family and friends are, it's a difficult and lonely journey. I can no longer work and had to give up the freedom of driving. It's difficult to do many other things that most people take for granted.
My husband and I discovered the Alzheimer's Association, which has been our salvation. We have been blessed to participate in our local chapter's support groups, where we meet others who are going through the same problems and share their experiences and solutions. It makes you realize you aren't quite as alone as it seems most of the time.
To others in my situation: Learn all you can about Alzheimer's disease and go out and live one day at a time. I'm living each day to the fullest as I accept those things I cannot change and fight for those things I can. I haven't fallen into the trap of self-pity and depression.
Abby, if you print my letter, please do not disclose my name or location, as my mother does not yet know that I have Alzheimer's disease. -- "SUSIE"
DEAR SUSIE: Thank you for an important letter and for having the courage to speak out. Memory loss and changes in mood and behavior are early signs of Alzheimer's disease, but dementia, which is a decline in intellectual ability severe enough to interfere with a person's daily routine, can have many causes. At least 60 conditions can cause it -- including strokes, Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease, depression, drug interactions, stress, thyroid problems and vitamin deficiencies. Some of these conditions can be reversed if detected early. Early and accurate diagnosis is essential to determine the cause of the dementia.
Alzheimer's disease is the most common disorder causing dementia, and has been known to strike people in their early 40s and 50s. Presently, there is no cure for Alzheimer's.
The "early onset" form of this disease presents unique planning issues for both individuals and families. Early diagnosis may resolve the anxiety of wondering "what's wrong with me," and allow more time to plan for the future and address important issues regarding care, living arrangements, and financial and legal issues.
As more people in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease seek support and assistance, a growing number of the Alzheimer's Association chapters are providing support groups for individuals with the disease, in addition to their long-standing programs for caregivers and family members.
I urge readers to contact local chapters to learn about the help that's available. The Alzheimer's Association has a new brochure titled "Steps to Getting a Diagnosis: Finding Out If It's Alzheimer's Disease," which is available at no charge through local chapters, or the association's national information line: 1-800-272-3900.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My father, who is in his 60s, has a very controlling personality. He is also a hoarder. He refuses to throw anything away, and the rooms of his house are piled high with junk, old newspapers and magazines. He can never find anything. He has "misplaced" his checkbook, and many bills go unpaid because he misplaces them, too. His insurance was just canceled for nonpayment of the premium. When I tried to help him organize this mess, I found unopened mail and traveler's checks mixed in with his junk.
He gets furious with me for interfering and becomes nasty with the whole family if someone throws away an outdated newspaper or magazine. He says he plans to read them and wants them stacked in the rooms or basement until he's ready for them.
I dread the day when I will be stuck sorting this mound of trash. Please advise me if there is a solution to this problem. -- FRUSTRATED WITH PAPA HOARDER
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your father is not competent to live alone. He can no longer handle his finances, and the accumulation of junk makes his home a fire hazard and probably a health hazard as well. Stacks of papers and other junk are havens for rodents and insect pests.
Talk to an attorney. Someone (probably you) should be appointed to manage your father's finances and have the authority to get someone to look after him, or to place him in a care facility.
Don't delay -- the time to act is now!
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and am in college, as is my fiance. "Jack" is working his way through college. He comes from a poor but decent churchgoing family.
I am very close to my mother's sister ("Aunt Ida"), and when she heard that I had become engaged but did not get an engagement ring, she and "Uncle Ted" took it upon themselves to buy a beautiful (fake) diamond ring. Jack and I were invited to their home, where she handed Jack the ring to put on my finger.
Jack turned bright red, became very angry and didn't mince words. He told them that he didn't like to deceive people, and when he could afford to buy a ring, he would buy me one and it would be the real thing.
Now my mother is angry and isn't talking to Aunt Ida and Uncle Ted, and I'm caught in the middle. I know they meant well, but I feel terrible that my relatives put such importance on appearances. How can I defuse this situation? -- ENGAGED WITHOUT A RING
DEAR ENGAGED WITHOUT A RING: You appear to be a sensible young woman with excellent values. To defuse the situation, ask your mother to forgive Aunt Ida and Uncle Ted, because you already have.
DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I love my job and it pays well, but I have a problem I really need to resolve.
My boss -- a male -- opens all my mail. It is clearly addressed to me and marked "personal."
I think this is rude and unacceptable. Please print this, as he reads your column every day. -- ANNOYED IN COLORADO
DEAR ANNOYED: You should have your personal mail addressed to your home.
DEAR ABBY: Every so often you suggest appropriate gifts for senior citizens who don't need more bric-a-brac or perfume.
My granddaughter, who lives in California, gave me the perfect gift. She arranged for me to get unlimited taxi service. I bless her daily for her thoughtfulness. -- GRATEFUL GRANDMA, ST. JAMES, N.Y.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)