For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DYING WOMAN LEAVES BEHIND HER PLEA FOR ASSISTED SUICIDE
DEAR ABBY: I am forwarding this letter to you from my mother, who recently died from ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). She wrote it almost one year before her death, when she was diagnosed with this terminal disease. She left it for us to send to you because she wanted people who are against issues such as assisted suicide to feel what she was going through. She asked for open-mindedness and understanding. Her words are better than any of ours, for only she truly knew what she had to face. -- KRISTIN BULL, MADISON, WIS.
DEAR KRISTIN: Please accept my sympathy at this sad time. Your mother makes a powerful argument for her point of view:
DEAR ABBY: Have you ever faced death with someone you dearly loved? Have you watched a loved one go through excruciating pain or helpless and hopeless suffering, because it's obvious the end is near?
I would like to spare my husband, daughters, parents, family and friends, as well as myself. I'm not so much scared to leave this life as I am of the journey that's in store for me. After being diagnosed with ALS, I have prayed for the strength to go with dignity. How can one be dignified while struggling with breathing, swallowing and all other muscular functions of the body?
I would love to have a Dr. Kevorkian with me to ease the way. What the world needs are more Dr. Kevorkians! I wish people would allow some flexibility in their thoughts and actions. I am considering being filmed at the end; it would be far more graphic than a letter. -- HELEN BULL, MADISON, WIS.
DEAR KRISTIN AND DEAR READERS: The latest acquittal of Dr. Jack Kevorkian by a jury in Michigan, coupled with a recent decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals, which held that the laws against assisting a suicide are unconstitutional, focuses attention on the issue of how a terminally ill patient can request and receive physician aid-in-dying rather than accepting home care or hospice.
The Hemlock Society USA advocates legalization of physician aid-in-dying for competent, terminally ill patients should they choose this method of ending their lives. In order to further patients' rights in this area, the Hemlock Society USA is working for the enactment of laws in each state that clearly and succinctly set forth the guidelines for voluntary aid-in-dying.
For more information and to receive two helpful booklets, "Patients' Rights and Resources" and "A Letter to My Physician," as well as membership information, please write to: The Hemlock Society, P.O. Box 101810, Denver, Colo. 80250.
DEAR ABBY: I am a steady reader of your column, which I really enjoy, but I am puzzled by one thing. A lot of letters start with: "Recently I read in your column," etc., or you will say, "Yesterday I published a letter from 'The Grandparents,'" etc. Well, not in my newspaper you didn't.
Abby, does each paper sort of do its own thing with your column or what? I read you in The Asheville Citizen-Times in North Carolina. Thank you for answering this. -- CHRISTEL FRITZCHING, LITTLE SWITZERLAND, N.C.
DEAR CHRISTEL FRITZCHING: Yes, each newspaper sort of "does its own thing." If a paper is short of space, it may drop a letter, then run it at a later date when space is available.
WOLF IN DOG'S CLOTHING IS DANGEROUS MIX FOR A PET
DEAR ABBY: This is regarding the letter from "Worried in Visalia, Calif." I have had my own experience with a part wolf-dog that I would like to share.
A couple of years ago, we were in the process of buying a house and had to live temporarily in an apartment where animals were not allowed. My parents agreed to keep our dog until our house was finished. Their next-door neighbors owned three large dogs, one being part wolf.
Our dog is a mini Doberman pinscher and quite small compared to the other dogs. One day when no one was at home at my parents' house, the three dogs came over their fence and attacked our little dog. The neighbor heard unusual yelping and went to check out what was happening. He jumped the fence to see the part wolf-dog tearing our little dog apart. The neighbor pulled the wolf-dog off and had to literally push our dog's intestines back inside before he could pick her up and take her to the vet. She had been torn open from her back down one side to the bottom of her stomach.
The neighbor, whose son owned the dog, was very apologetic and visibly upset about it and agreed to pay for the vet bill. Our dog was in the hospital for a week and we very nearly lost her, but she made it through the ordeal.
This is not the first time this dog has attacked. It has bitten another neighbor and chased my mother; it tried to attack them when they were walking next to the fence. The son of the neighbor refused to get rid of this dog, and they still have it.
A wolf-dog is a very dangerous breed, and anyone who plans to own one should reconsider because their behavior is very unpredictable.
I know this letter is long, but I hope you will print it so people will know how dangerous it is to own such a "pet." -- G.K.T.
DEAR G.K.T.: Thank you for a valuable piece of advice. Dog lovers -- are you listening?
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently invited to a neighbor's surprise 30th birthday party. It was held at an expensive restaurant and nothing was said about who was paying for the dinner.
At the restaurant, the waiter explained the limited menu options to the 20 guests. No prices were mentioned, nor were we given the opportunity to make a selection from the menu. (I just assumed that our host had selected the food, so who was to argue?)
Imagine my surprise when, at the end of the evening, we were each handed a bill. Only one person paid in cash.
Question: Who was responsible for paying for the dinner? The host or the guests? -- ONE EXPENSIVE EVENING
P.S. We all brought gifts, and most paid for a baby sitter for the evening.
DEAR EXPENSIVE EVENING: When people are invited to a birthday party, they naturally assume they are guests.
It was a surprise party in every sense of the word. The hosts were surprisingly ignorant of the social graces.
DEAR ABBY: You had a letter in your column recently about people not being happy about their old age. There are two ways to look at it.
First, without birthdays we would be dead, so be thankful instead for all the lessons of life you have learned and the love you have both given and received.
Second, look at age the way my granddaughter does. When Jessica was 3 years old, I misplaced something and was muttering to myself about being forgetful in my old age. She told me I wasn't in my old age. I asked her, "What do you mean?" She replied, "Your old age is what you were before your birthday. After that, you're in your NEW age."
She was right. -- MARY KALLINEN, COON RAPIDS, MINN.
DEAR MARY KALLINEN: What a bright granddaughter you have. Thanks for a dandy day-brightener.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Lying in the Name of Love Has Hateful Consequences
DEAR ABBY: I have read your column every day for years. Your recent reply to "Waiting for Frank" was right on line, but you omitted one important thing -- how lying and sneaking around is, in itself, detrimental to a person. Frank had promised to make up for all their lying and sneaking around. This kind of behavior changes one, and becomes a part of a person that can never be "made up for."
Thank goodness I had sense enough to know this years ago, when I was a married woman with children and fell in love with a married man who also had children. I knew that lying and sneaking around would change us as people, and realized the damage we could cause our families. Although we were deeply in love, we chose to let our heads rule over our hearts -- and we did not have an affair.
I do not mean to preach. Although we chose not to have an affair, I now have more compassion for people who are not strong enough to resist the temptation. I realize that in a weak moment, it could have happened to us.
It is certainly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The love we shared has enriched and sustained my life in many ways, but I am grateful that we did not succumb to the temptation to have an affair. -- HEAD OVER HEART
DEAR HEAD OVER HEART: If more people behaved as you did, I would be out of business. You are very wise. It's better to have used your head than to have bruised your heart and shattered your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I saw a letter in your column from "Plumber's Wife." She said that every faucet in her house dripped. Well, my mechanic husband and I own five cars. Two won't start at all, and one barely runs. I have sent the car that runs to the repair shop many times, which didn't faze my husband. It meant less work for him.
My father is a carpenter, and my parents' home was always the last to be repaired.
My former husband managed a grocery store and rarely would he shop for me.
I am a child-care provider, but after hours I prefer to be away from small children.
Abby, do you enjoy giving advice after office hours? I think it's only human nature to occupy your precious spare time with something other than your 40-hour-a-week occupation. -- MECHANIC'S WIFE
DEAR MECHANIC'S WIFE: I have no objections to giving advice after office hours. But perhaps that's because I love what I do and consider it a privilege -- not a job.
DEAR ABBY: Our friend "Mary" and her late husband raised six successful adult children, all professionals and most have multiple degrees.
We are upset by the way they treat their aged and disabled mother. They mock her disabilities and diminished hearing in front of her friends -- even strangers. We are embarrassed and angered, but do we have the right to say anything to her brood? Or should we continue to keep quiet? -- SACRAMENTO SAM AND VALLEY TOM
DEAR SAM AND TOM: You not only have the right, but an obligation to say plenty concerning the shabby treatment to which this aged and disabled woman is being subjected. Silence in this case is unforgivable!
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)