What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Lying in the Name of Love Has Hateful Consequences
DEAR ABBY: I have read your column every day for years. Your recent reply to "Waiting for Frank" was right on line, but you omitted one important thing -- how lying and sneaking around is, in itself, detrimental to a person. Frank had promised to make up for all their lying and sneaking around. This kind of behavior changes one, and becomes a part of a person that can never be "made up for."
Thank goodness I had sense enough to know this years ago, when I was a married woman with children and fell in love with a married man who also had children. I knew that lying and sneaking around would change us as people, and realized the damage we could cause our families. Although we were deeply in love, we chose to let our heads rule over our hearts -- and we did not have an affair.
I do not mean to preach. Although we chose not to have an affair, I now have more compassion for people who are not strong enough to resist the temptation. I realize that in a weak moment, it could have happened to us.
It is certainly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The love we shared has enriched and sustained my life in many ways, but I am grateful that we did not succumb to the temptation to have an affair. -- HEAD OVER HEART
DEAR HEAD OVER HEART: If more people behaved as you did, I would be out of business. You are very wise. It's better to have used your head than to have bruised your heart and shattered your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I saw a letter in your column from "Plumber's Wife." She said that every faucet in her house dripped. Well, my mechanic husband and I own five cars. Two won't start at all, and one barely runs. I have sent the car that runs to the repair shop many times, which didn't faze my husband. It meant less work for him.
My father is a carpenter, and my parents' home was always the last to be repaired.
My former husband managed a grocery store and rarely would he shop for me.
I am a child-care provider, but after hours I prefer to be away from small children.
Abby, do you enjoy giving advice after office hours? I think it's only human nature to occupy your precious spare time with something other than your 40-hour-a-week occupation. -- MECHANIC'S WIFE
DEAR MECHANIC'S WIFE: I have no objections to giving advice after office hours. But perhaps that's because I love what I do and consider it a privilege -- not a job.
DEAR ABBY: Our friend "Mary" and her late husband raised six successful adult children, all professionals and most have multiple degrees.
We are upset by the way they treat their aged and disabled mother. They mock her disabilities and diminished hearing in front of her friends -- even strangers. We are embarrassed and angered, but do we have the right to say anything to her brood? Or should we continue to keep quiet? -- SACRAMENTO SAM AND VALLEY TOM
DEAR SAM AND TOM: You not only have the right, but an obligation to say plenty concerning the shabby treatment to which this aged and disabled woman is being subjected. Silence in this case is unforgivable!
Pet Adoption Campaign Asks for Open Hearts and Homes
DEAR ABBY: Hats off to you! Because you reminded your readers about the importance of spaying or neutering their pets, thousands of calls from pet owners all over the United States were made to our SPAY/USA hotline number.
Abby, will you please inform your readers about an event that we have conceived and developed that is truly history-making? On May 4 and 5, more than 700 shelters throughout the United States, Canada, England and India will be united for "Pet Adoptathon '96." The participating shelters will remain open for 36 hours straight with the hope of finding a quality home for each and every dog, cat, puppy and kitten in their care.
Just think -- with the help of your readers, thousands of "little guys" all over the world could be safe and sound in adoptive homes by the end of Adoptathon weekend!
Please ask all animal lovers to open their hearts and homes on May 4 and 5. Go to your nearest Pet Adoptathon '96 shelter, pick out a faithful lifetime companion, and enjoy the unconditional love that only a pet can give. For the name of the nearest Adoptathon shelter, call the toll-free hotline number: 1-800-863-4267.
On behalf of all our furry friends, we thank you! -- MIKE ARMS, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE, PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y.
DEAR MIKE ARMS: I'm delighted to help in this noble effort. I can already hear the "meows" and "bowwows" in Southern California.
DEAR ABBY: Our family was invited to my brother-in-law's wedding. The invitation said "Adults only" and noted that a baby sitter would be provided at the house. Nice try, but no go. Look at it from my side: I'm to drive to a strange state, a strange city, a strange house, leave my 2-year-old with a stranger, and then off for six hours and have fun? Fat chance! I'd worry and so would my child. Furthermore, a kid is not a pork chop or a dog; you can't freeze it or tie it up in the back yard.
Our options were: I stay with my child and my wife attends the wedding and reception alone, or we disobey the rules and bring our kid, or we don't go. Period. However we do it, the hosts are not going to be pleased, but that's life.
We attended the wedding as a family. I brought books and toys, parked in a corner of the reception hall, took my kid to wrestle on the lawn and explore the country club. Then I read to him. Afterward, I apologized to the hosts, who were very gracious.
But what disturbs me is how brides lose track of what their wedding is all about. Because they're spending $25,000, they plan a major Hollywood production or a Disneyland extravaganza. They want to direct and make everything perfect. It's not going to happen.
A wedding is nothing but a fancy party, a celebration bringing families and friends together. Uncle Albert is just as likely to get drunk and paw the women, or Cousin Bruce to start a fight, or Jeannie to flirt with the groom as my kid is to spill his punch. You might as well note on the invitation: "No drunks, punks, flirts or smokers." If a bride wants a flawless affair, she should hire a producer, choreographer, and actors to stand in as family, and then mail videos to "invited guests."
Five years from now, when these brides have their own toddlers, they'll receive an invitation to a wedding with a P.S.: "No kids allowed." Then they will understand that every hurt comes home. -- A FAMILY MAN IN BANGOR, MAINE.
DEAR FAMILY MAN: Although you make a strong statement supporting kids at weddings, the fact remains that you brought an uninvited guest -- a 2-year-old who is not responsible for his behavior -- over the objection of your hosts. You should have declined the invitation, or your wife should have attended alone.
DEAR ABBY: I have a cat named Abby. She is an Abyssinian. Some days she's "Dear Abby," and some days she's "Abbie Hoffman"! -- HELEN LEE, R.N.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Charities Give Little Relief From Requests for Donations
DEAR ABBY: Please print this letter from someone who is tired of getting solicited for donations, especially those that specify how much one should give.
I live on a fixed income that barely pays for rent and food, not to mention my insurance and other obligations. I tithe at church and give to food projects and kitchen funds, so it's not as though I am stingy.
I have had requests to donate to several different causes and have been criticized when I do not respond. They have no way of knowing what my money situation is, so why can't they just accept whatever I offer and quit dunning me?
Abby, I'm doing well to support myself at age 78 without burdening my family.
I resent being made to feel guilty when I can't send money for cards and address stickers I did not order. I live in a senior citizens lodge, and most of the tenants feel the way I do, so please speak out for us. Thanks for letting me sound off. -- JANE W. IN BERKELEY, CALIF.
DEAR JANE: People are not obligated to pay for anything they did not order -- this includes stickers with your name and address printed on them. By the way, you are not obligated to return them either. Please share this information with your friends at the lodge.
DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, you published a letter from a woman whose sister died at 57. Wayne, her husband of more than 30 years, subsequently remarried.
She said she had recently introduced them as her brother-in-law and his wife, Jo Ann. Twice Jo Ann corrected her publicly, saying, "He WAS your brother-in-law," stressing the "was."
She said that in her opinion Wayne would always be her brother-in-law.
Abby, according to the IRS, the following relationships that are established by marriage are not ended by death or divorce:
"Your child, grandchild, great-grandchild (a legally adopted child is considered your child).
"Your stepchild.
"Your brother, sister, half-brother, half-sister, stepbrother or stepsister.
"Your parent, grandparent, or other direct ancestor, but not foster parent.
"Your stepfather or stepmother, your uncle or aunt, a niece or nephew, your father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law or brother-in-law." -- OSCAR G. PRICE JR., A GRATEFUL ENROLLED AGENT FAN, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.
DEAR MR. PRICE: Thank you for pointing this out. Who says tax men don't have a heart?
DEAR ABBY: Please get this message out to the media, authors and sign painters. Numbers are not possessive or contractions; they do not require an apostrophe.
Abby, I see this error -- "20's," "50's," "80's" -- on television, in the newspapers, on billboards and on signs. Aren't these numbers properly written 20s, 50s, 80s? Or am I incorrect? -- CAROLYN FRINGS, RETIRED SECRETARY
DEAR CAROLYN: You are correct, but there is one case in which an apostrophe should be used: when indicating the contraction of a year. For example, when referring to 1996, it may be written: He starred in two plays in '96. (Note the apostrophe is in front of the numbers.) Or for a decade: She published four best-sellers in the '80s.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)