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by Abigail Van Buren

Lying in the Name of Love Has Hateful Consequences

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column every day for years. Your recent reply to "Waiting for Frank" was right on line, but you omitted one important thing -- how lying and sneaking around is, in itself, detrimental to a person. Frank had promised to make up for all their lying and sneaking around. This kind of behavior changes one, and becomes a part of a person that can never be "made up for."

Thank goodness I had sense enough to know this years ago, when I was a married woman with children and fell in love with a married man who also had children. I knew that lying and sneaking around would change us as people, and realized the damage we could cause our families. Although we were deeply in love, we chose to let our heads rule over our hearts -- and we did not have an affair.

I do not mean to preach. Although we chose not to have an affair, I now have more compassion for people who are not strong enough to resist the temptation. I realize that in a weak moment, it could have happened to us.

It is certainly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The love we shared has enriched and sustained my life in many ways, but I am grateful that we did not succumb to the temptation to have an affair. -- HEAD OVER HEART

DEAR HEAD OVER HEART: If more people behaved as you did, I would be out of business. You are very wise. It's better to have used your head than to have bruised your heart and shattered your marriage.