What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Charities Give Little Relief From Requests for Donations
DEAR ABBY: Please print this letter from someone who is tired of getting solicited for donations, especially those that specify how much one should give.
I live on a fixed income that barely pays for rent and food, not to mention my insurance and other obligations. I tithe at church and give to food projects and kitchen funds, so it's not as though I am stingy.
I have had requests to donate to several different causes and have been criticized when I do not respond. They have no way of knowing what my money situation is, so why can't they just accept whatever I offer and quit dunning me?
Abby, I'm doing well to support myself at age 78 without burdening my family.
I resent being made to feel guilty when I can't send money for cards and address stickers I did not order. I live in a senior citizens lodge, and most of the tenants feel the way I do, so please speak out for us. Thanks for letting me sound off. -- JANE W. IN BERKELEY, CALIF.
DEAR JANE: People are not obligated to pay for anything they did not order -- this includes stickers with your name and address printed on them. By the way, you are not obligated to return them either. Please share this information with your friends at the lodge.
DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, you published a letter from a woman whose sister died at 57. Wayne, her husband of more than 30 years, subsequently remarried.
She said she had recently introduced them as her brother-in-law and his wife, Jo Ann. Twice Jo Ann corrected her publicly, saying, "He WAS your brother-in-law," stressing the "was."
She said that in her opinion Wayne would always be her brother-in-law.
Abby, according to the IRS, the following relationships that are established by marriage are not ended by death or divorce:
"Your child, grandchild, great-grandchild (a legally adopted child is considered your child).
"Your stepchild.
"Your brother, sister, half-brother, half-sister, stepbrother or stepsister.
"Your parent, grandparent, or other direct ancestor, but not foster parent.
"Your stepfather or stepmother, your uncle or aunt, a niece or nephew, your father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law or brother-in-law." -- OSCAR G. PRICE JR., A GRATEFUL ENROLLED AGENT FAN, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.
DEAR MR. PRICE: Thank you for pointing this out. Who says tax men don't have a heart?
DEAR ABBY: Please get this message out to the media, authors and sign painters. Numbers are not possessive or contractions; they do not require an apostrophe.
Abby, I see this error -- "20's," "50's," "80's" -- on television, in the newspapers, on billboards and on signs. Aren't these numbers properly written 20s, 50s, 80s? Or am I incorrect? -- CAROLYN FRINGS, RETIRED SECRETARY
DEAR CAROLYN: You are correct, but there is one case in which an apostrophe should be used: when indicating the contraction of a year. For example, when referring to 1996, it may be written: He starred in two plays in '96. (Note the apostrophe is in front of the numbers.) Or for a decade: She published four best-sellers in the '80s.
GOOD ADVICE AT RIGHT TIME LED ABUSE VICTIM TO HELP
DEAR ABBY: While I was going through some old papers, I came across a letter you wrote to me in 1984. At the time, I was 16 and suffering from the effects of several years of sexual abuse by my stepfather. I was suicidal and in one of the darkest places in hell. You gave me sound advice: "Confide in a trusted adult and call the Child Abuse Hotline."
I can't recall if I ever thanked you, Abby, so I'm thanking you now for sending a ray of hope into my prison of pain and confusion.
I did get help and learned that there are more good, caring people in the world than villains.
I'm now working on my master's degree in teaching. I work with homeless and abused children. My career goal is to be an international English teacher in Asia or Africa.
I dream of becoming an advocate for abused children because there are many in situations far worse than mine when I sought your help.
Although I wish I had never been abused, I have emerged stronger, more self-confident and more motivated than I might have been had my childhood been easier.
Many people have helped me. Although I can't repay them individually, I can do my best to pass on the love and care I received.
Thanks again for caring, Abby. Many of us need guidance when we're stumbling in the dark. Sign me ... HEALED IN BAINBRIDGE ISLAND, WASH.
DEAR HEALED: No need to thank me -- that's what I'm here for.
Victims of child abuse should know that help is available and where to find it. The first step is to call the Child Abuse Hotline: (800) 422-4453. (The hotline is a program of Childhelp USA and is sponsored by IOF Foresters.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old woman married to a man 15 years my senior. I have never been happier than I am in this marriage. Alec and I were both married before. He has three grown children, and I love them very much.
Two of his children are married and have their own problems. Now for our problem: One (whom I'll call Sonny) lives with us. He is 25 years old and very lazy. He refuses to do anything around the house to help, including cleaning his room, bathroom, or even picking up after himself. He can't hold a job. Every time he finds one, he quits. He parties all night and sits around all day watching television while everyone else is at work.
My husband agrees that Sonny is lazy, but says there is nothing he can do about it. I'm at the end of my rope. I love my husband very much, but Sonny has become a big problem in our marriage. Your thoughts, please. -- FRUSTRATED
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Sonny is clearly taking advantage of you both, but nothing will change until his father puts his foot down and quits being a softy. As long as he's allowed to, Sonny will stay home and watch television all day. Your husband is doing his son no favor by tolerating his shiftless behavior.
It's high time Sonny got a job and found a place of his own. Tell Alec for Sonny's sake that he should hang tough.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DOG'S DEVOTION TO ITS MASTER DESERVES KINDNESS IN RETURN
DEAR ABBY: Knowing that you are an animal lover, I beseech you to print "A Dog's Prayer" again. This has been a brutally cold winter, and I challenge anyone to read it without getting a lump in his throat. -- BUD CALVERT, FORSYTH, MO.
DEAR BUD: I admit I get a lump in my throat when I read it. Here it is:
A DOG'S PRAYER by Beth Norman Harris
Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.
Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshiper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest -- and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.
DEAR ABBY: I recently took a vacation trip to Hawaii with a friend. The vacation itself was fine, except for the airplane flight.
Upon taking our seats, we noticed a young woman with long hair seated directly in front of us. She immediately started running her fingers through her hair and flipping it over the seat. Then she leaned her chair back and continued to toss her hair over the back of the seat. In fact, she didn't even lean forward for the meal. She was not asleep or reading. This went on for the entire five-hour flight!
We asked her to please lean forward so we could get by to go to the bathroom. When she moved, she made a snide remark and gave us a look that could kill. The seat was immediately returned to the completely leaned-back position -- hair hanging down and all.
Hey, you're trapped on a plane, and when it's full, there is no place to move. How could I have handled this without an ugly confrontation? Sign me ... HARRIED PASSENGER
DEAR PASSENGER: You could have asked the flight attendant to speak to the long-haired passenger. Inconsiderate people rarely see themselves as others see them. Bottom line: The right to swing your arms (or hair) ends where the other person's nose begins.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)