Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
GOOD ADVICE AT RIGHT TIME LED ABUSE VICTIM TO HELP
DEAR ABBY: While I was going through some old papers, I came across a letter you wrote to me in 1984. At the time, I was 16 and suffering from the effects of several years of sexual abuse by my stepfather. I was suicidal and in one of the darkest places in hell. You gave me sound advice: "Confide in a trusted adult and call the Child Abuse Hotline."
I can't recall if I ever thanked you, Abby, so I'm thanking you now for sending a ray of hope into my prison of pain and confusion.
I did get help and learned that there are more good, caring people in the world than villains.
I'm now working on my master's degree in teaching. I work with homeless and abused children. My career goal is to be an international English teacher in Asia or Africa.
I dream of becoming an advocate for abused children because there are many in situations far worse than mine when I sought your help.
Although I wish I had never been abused, I have emerged stronger, more self-confident and more motivated than I might have been had my childhood been easier.
Many people have helped me. Although I can't repay them individually, I can do my best to pass on the love and care I received.
Thanks again for caring, Abby. Many of us need guidance when we're stumbling in the dark. Sign me ... HEALED IN BAINBRIDGE ISLAND, WASH.
DEAR HEALED: No need to thank me -- that's what I'm here for.
Victims of child abuse should know that help is available and where to find it. The first step is to call the Child Abuse Hotline: (800) 422-4453. (The hotline is a program of Childhelp USA and is sponsored by IOF Foresters.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old woman married to a man 15 years my senior. I have never been happier than I am in this marriage. Alec and I were both married before. He has three grown children, and I love them very much.
Two of his children are married and have their own problems. Now for our problem: One (whom I'll call Sonny) lives with us. He is 25 years old and very lazy. He refuses to do anything around the house to help, including cleaning his room, bathroom, or even picking up after himself. He can't hold a job. Every time he finds one, he quits. He parties all night and sits around all day watching television while everyone else is at work.
My husband agrees that Sonny is lazy, but says there is nothing he can do about it. I'm at the end of my rope. I love my husband very much, but Sonny has become a big problem in our marriage. Your thoughts, please. -- FRUSTRATED
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Sonny is clearly taking advantage of you both, but nothing will change until his father puts his foot down and quits being a softy. As long as he's allowed to, Sonny will stay home and watch television all day. Your husband is doing his son no favor by tolerating his shiftless behavior.
It's high time Sonny got a job and found a place of his own. Tell Alec for Sonny's sake that he should hang tough.
DOG'S DEVOTION TO ITS MASTER DESERVES KINDNESS IN RETURN
DEAR ABBY: Knowing that you are an animal lover, I beseech you to print "A Dog's Prayer" again. This has been a brutally cold winter, and I challenge anyone to read it without getting a lump in his throat. -- BUD CALVERT, FORSYTH, MO.
DEAR BUD: I admit I get a lump in my throat when I read it. Here it is:
A DOG'S PRAYER by Beth Norman Harris
Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.
Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshiper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest -- and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.
DEAR ABBY: I recently took a vacation trip to Hawaii with a friend. The vacation itself was fine, except for the airplane flight.
Upon taking our seats, we noticed a young woman with long hair seated directly in front of us. She immediately started running her fingers through her hair and flipping it over the seat. Then she leaned her chair back and continued to toss her hair over the back of the seat. In fact, she didn't even lean forward for the meal. She was not asleep or reading. This went on for the entire five-hour flight!
We asked her to please lean forward so we could get by to go to the bathroom. When she moved, she made a snide remark and gave us a look that could kill. The seat was immediately returned to the completely leaned-back position -- hair hanging down and all.
Hey, you're trapped on a plane, and when it's full, there is no place to move. How could I have handled this without an ugly confrontation? Sign me ... HARRIED PASSENGER
DEAR PASSENGER: You could have asked the flight attendant to speak to the long-haired passenger. Inconsiderate people rarely see themselves as others see them. Bottom line: The right to swing your arms (or hair) ends where the other person's nose begins.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mailbox Filled With Memories Honors Marriage of 50 Years
DEAR ABBY: Our parents are Vivian and Orlin Rongstad. Last fall, we started thinking about their 50th wedding anniversary. They made it clear they had no interest in a big celebration.
My sister and I remembered a letter we saw in your column about a woman turning 80, whose daughter arranged a mail campaign to friends requesting they send a note with a recollection instead of a gift. So we went to work.
Unbeknownst to our parents, we poked through their two address books and mailed 136 letters to relatives and friends, from California to Norway. (They live in Wisconsin.) We requested the greatest gift of all -- sharing a memory! We had no clue what the response would be.
It was an unbelievable success. Their anniversary was Feb. 9. From Feb. 5 through Feb. 27, they received 166 cards and letters in the mail, with the majority sharing a memory. Our parents were surprised and delighted with their overflowing mailbox of pleasant remembrances. It truly was the greatest gift we could have given them. Dad said, "A party would have been over in four hours, but this lasted three weeks!"
Thank you, Abby, for the idea. We provided a joyous celebration for our parents without having an organized party. -- PROUD DAUGHTERS KAY IN ILLINOIS AND CAROL IN WISCONSIN
DEAR PROUD DAUGHTERS: My belated congratulations to your parents on the occasion of their 50th anniversary. I'm pleased to learn it brought them so much pleasure.
Many adult children ask how to plan celebrations for parents who are adamant about not collecting more "things" at this stage of their lives.
They ask, "How can we let guests know that our parents do not want gifts?" In past columns, I have offered the following solution:
"The children of Iver and Helen Dahl invite you to celebrate with them the 50th wedding anniversary of their parents. A reception will be held May 7, at 2 p.m., at the Elmhurst Country Club.
"We request your help in compiling a book that recalls memories from our parents' first 50 years of marriage. On the enclosed sheet, we ask that you write one memory or experience that you have shared with them, and return it to us by April 26. We believe that the loving memories they have shared with you, their friends, would be the most treasured gift they could receive; therefore, we request that no other gift be sent."
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Confused and Hurting," the 44-year-old divorcee who fell into bed with a 50-year-old man on their first date. After two months of "getting together" every night, he suggested that they end their relationship and just be friends.
What "C and H" needs is a big reality adjustment. She willingly feeds her romantic fantasies about being so special and good to this man she's "in love with" that he couldn't help but love her in return and leave his empty but financially comfortable marriage for her. The fact is, this philanderer made it clear he didn't intend to have anything but an affair and that she was a temporary fix.
At 44, this woman is overdue to grow up. If she would give up her fantasy life and spend her time and effort developing some self-esteem, predatory men would avoid her and decent men would take notice. Change may be painful, but it is worth it. She should seek professional help, if necessary. This from ... THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)