CONFIDENTIAL TO JEANNE, MY BEAUTIFUL FIRSTBORN OF WHOM I'M VERY PROUD: Happy birthday. You're loved.
USING WRONG METHOD COULD KEEP HOMES FIRES BURNING
DEAR ABBY: I am very concerned about the letter signed "Wiser Now," regarding the use of fire extinguishers in the kitchen.
Just last week on our local television channel, the guest was a woman from the fire department. She stressed that one should not always use a fire extinguisher to put out a fire on one's kitchen stove. I had always thought the same as the lady who wrote to you. The fire department representative said that the force of the foam coming out of the nozzle can be so strong it simply blows the flames around the stove or curtains. She recommended using a lid -- or better yet, a cookie sheet -- to slide over the pan to smother the flames.
She also said never to use baking soda, because it can explode the flames. -- MRS. ORRIN T. WELLS, SAN MARCOS, CALIF.
DEAR MRS. WELLS: Julie Reynolds, director of public affairs for the National Fire Protection Association, confirmed that in the case of a pan fire, a fire extinguisher used too close to the pan could splatter the fire, spreading it further around the kitchen. The safer method is to smother the fire by carefully sliding a lid over the pan and then turning the burner off. Lifting the lid to see if the fire is out will allow oxygen to rekindle the flames. Also, it is very dangerous to attempt to carry a burning pan to the sink or outside. The flames could easily ignite clothing or other combustibles, causing dangerous burns and spreading the fire.
While baking soda may be used to extinguish flames, the National Fire Protection Association does not recommend it since it requires one to be near the flames. (In addition, if the wrong substance -- flour or baking powder -- is grabbed, it could create a larger and more dangerous blaze.)
For fires in other parts of the house, it is vital that you have the proper extinguisher for the type of fire you need to fight, and that you know how to operate it. If a fire is small and contained (such as fire in a wastebasket), using the proper fire extinguisher may be the best approach, but in some cases, it's wiser to leave the premises and call the fire department.
DEAR ABBY: I am 24 and my boyfriend, "Jerry," is 27. We have been dating almost a year.
Our relationship is terrific except for one problem. Jerry talks in his sleep and says the names of different women in a sexual way -- almost like he's having sex with them. Abby, I recognize a few of the names because he either works with them or we have mutual friends. I have asked Jerry about these women, and he swears he's not fantasizing about anyone or seeing anyone else. He doesn't remember dreaming about these women or calling out any names.
This is beginning to affect our relationship, Abby. I'm deeply hurt and confused, and I don't know what to do. Should I ignore it? -- ALLISON IN GALVESTON
DEAR ALLISON: It's not surprising that your boyfriend has no recollection of what he dreamed or that he talked in his sleep. Dreams are an activity of the unconscious mind, and just because someone dreams something does not mean he or she would actually do it. (I have heard from readers who dreamed of walking naked down Main Street or into a court of law -- something few would do in the cold light of day.)
Don't take your boyfriend's sleep-talking personally. If you cannot ignore it, try earplugs or separate bedrooms.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I hope my letter will spare someone the sorrow of losing a little kitten.
During the night, my cat's three kittens climbed atop the tires of my car. As I approached the car, I noticed a pair of tiny paws on my left rear tire and moved the kitten to safety. Upon checking the other wheel wells, I found the two other kittens, each one on top of a tire. Unfortunately, while I was moving the others to safety, the first kitten returned, unseen by me, and resumed its perch. He's at the vet now, in very guarded condition, and may not make it.
I have seen numerous other kittens on top of tires since. It appears to be a common practice with kittens. They should be taught that cars are things to fear and avoid, no matter how inviting they may be. So, as cruel as it may seem, if the weather is warm, I hose down the wheel wells whenever I see a kitten there. If it's cold, I just fetch them out and keep my fingers crossed.
I've heard of grown cats climbing into motor compartments in the wintertime, but I've never heard or read about kittens resting on tires. I'd bet more kittens are killed this way than cats seeking warmth from a motor. Please say a word or two about it; it may spare a lot of grief. -- THE HON. H. HAYWOOD TURNER III, COLUMBUS, GA.
DEAR JUDGE TURNER: Thanks for the warning.
DEAR ABBY: I am disappointed with your response to a letter signed "Old-Fashioned Grandma."
I've been reading your column for years and usually your responses are pretty open-minded, but the fact that you agreed that adult nudity in the presence of young children was cause for concern shocked me.
A father showering with his 3-year-old daughter (as I do with my son) is completely natural and teaches children that the human body is nothing to hide. Keeping "boy stuff" and "girl stuff" separate at such a young age only instills sexual stereotypes and causes sexual hang-ups in adult life. There is nothing sexual or wrong in showering with a young child.
As for bathroom privacy, my children know that a closed door means "Mommy wants privacy" (or whoever is in there), but they often walk in when I leave the door open.
You should have told "Old-Fashioned" that "Jimmy" showering with Mommy (or "Jenny" with Daddy) is totally natural. Today's parents are trying to raise their children without the hang-ups that they have had to overcome from THEIR "old-fashioned" upbringing. -- DISAPPOINTED IN TORONTO, CANADA
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: The letters I received from readers show your attitude to be far more popular than mine -- especially with the parents who are currently raising children.
Ten whacks with a wet diaper for me!
DEAR ABBY: When I bought a new exercise bike recently, a friend asked me if she could have my old one. I gave it to her thinking she would use it.
After a short while, I found out that she had sold it. Am I wrong in thinking she should have asked me if I wanted it back? Or at least offered to split the money she got from selling it?
I'm really having a big argument about this with my husband. -- NO NAME, PLEASE
DEAR NO NAME: When you gave your friend the bike, it was hers to do whatever she chose to do with it. The money she received from the sale of the bike was also hers to do whatever she chose to do with it. Your husband is right.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Your recent reprint of a letter about the importance of being a good neighbor compelled me to write to you for the first time in 30 years.
Being too friendly with the neighbors can be risky business. What if it turns out that you don't really want to be friends with these people after you get to know them better? Then what do you do -- move?
Abby, neighbors should respect one another's privacy.
I have had neighbors who seemed to think that because I was always nice to them, they could preach their religion to me, tell me how to vote, dress and raise my kids. Sometimes I wish I'd never said more than a casual hello.
My idea of a good neighbor is one who is cordial, minds his own business and is willing to help in an emergency.
If a friendship develops over the years, fine. If not, you've still got a good neighbor. -- MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
DEAR MINDING: There's an old saying, "Too thick doesn't stick." Before you and your neighbors became neighbors, you were strangers. After getting to know one another, you -- and they, too -- can decide how much you want to see of one another.
DEAR ABBY: A letter you published recently reminded everyone not to store a fire extinguisher above the stove. In the event of a fire, you might not be able to reach the fire extinguisher. Having experienced a car fire at our home a few weeks ago, we learned a few more fire-safety tips the hard way.
Place a smoke detector in your garage. Car fires can start after the engine has been turned off, and since most of us keep flammables like paint and paint remover in the garage, a smoke detector located near these items can save lives and property.
Small fire extinguishers that can be easily lifted and used are great, but you probably need several located throughout your home. Don't store them in the most likely place for fires to break out, i.e. above the stove, in the water-heater closet or near the furnace.
In our case, we were able to reach our extinguisher and nearly had the car fire under control when our lone extinguisher ran out. If we'd had even one more, the fire could have easily been controlled before the fire department arrived. -- DEBI MEANS, PLANO, TEXAS
DEAR DEBI MEANS: Good advice. Readers -- are you listening? (I hope so.)
DEAR ABBY: Re computer voicemail systems: The best defense is a good offense. Here's what I'm tempted to record on my machine:
"If you have a Touch-Tone phone, press one; if not, I am sorry, I will not be able to communicate with you at this time. For my name and address, press two; occupation and marital status, press three. To learn my husband's name and occupation, please press four. Press five if you'd like to talk to me, and press six if you'd like to talk to my husband. Frustrated and forgot why you called? Press seven. To have this message repeated, press eight. For a busy signal, hang up, try again, and have a real nice day. -- VIEW OF IRATE CONSUMER EXPRESSED, MINDLESS ANSWERING IS LOATHSOME
DEAR V.O.I.C.E.M.A.I.L.: I am sorry, the advice columnist you dialed is either disconnected or not in service at this time. Please check the number you dialed, and call again ... and again ... and again.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)