To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Telemarketers Offer These Tips to Sort Good Guys From Bad
DEAR ABBY: It is important to remember that the funds which are raised through legitimate telemarketing are the lifeblood for many major nonprofit organizations. As president of the American Telephone Fundraisers Association, I applaud the FTC rule that helps people fight back against criminals who use telephones to cheat people.
I'd like to offer your readers a few tips to distinguish legitimate telemarketers from scam artists. The following are tips for making telephone donations.
1. Give because you believe in the cause, the charity or organization. Good telemarketers never pressure or threaten those they phone for donations.
2. Be wary of the "too-good-to-be-true" pitches. Legitimate telemarketers do not offer valuable rewards or gifts.
3. If concerned, ask for identification. Legitimate marketing companies welcome verification calls from potential donors.
4. When in doubt, ask for information in writing. Professional telemarketers are sympathetic to questions and won't hesitate to provide written information about the charity they represent.
5. Ask questions. Don't be shy about inquiring how the donation will be used. Professional telemarketers have thorough knowledge of the charity they represent and will provide that information on demand.
6. Ask if the telemarketing firm is a member of any telemarketing trade association. Firms belonging to the American Telephone Fundraisers Association follow the industry's most stringent code of ethics, and their telemarketers will be aware of their company's membership. -- RALPH REESE, PITTSBURGH
DEAR MR. REESE: I am sure my readers will appreciate knowing they need not be intimidated by telemarketers. Thank you for a valuable letter -- one that's well worth posting near the telephone.
DEAR ABBY: Some of your readers complain about junk mail and want to know how to stop it. Abby, not everyone is disgusted with junk mail. The complainers should look at the broader picture.
The primary problem today in the United States is unemployment. Think about it -- if you eliminate junk mail, how many people will be out of work? Because of this mail, more postal workers are needed. Don't forget clerks, printers, lumberjacks and factory workers to produce products sold by mail, and copywriters, photographers, truckers, computer operators, and on and on. Entire businesses exist only because of this method of marketing. Need I go on?
Many people like me enjoy getting mail and ordering from home. When I receive junk mail I don't want, it goes in the recycle bin (yet another business that exists because of junk mail).
As to the environmental arguments, I believe most mail-order businesses use a great deal of recycled paper.
I vote to keep junk mail coming and more people working. -- E.A.T. IN GARLAND, TEXAS
DEAR E.A.T.: True optimists like you see the silver lining behind every cloud. You are outnumbered, but some of your arguments make sense.
Mother Struggles to Tell Kids That Dad's 'Trip' Was to Jail
DEAR ABBY: I would appreciate your advice on a problem that has been a nightmare for me. My husband is in prison. He will be serving time for the next 10 to 15 years for a crime he did not commit. My biggest problem has been how to deal with our two children, who are 6 and 8.
They have been very close to their father, and for the past year, they have sort of "accepted" his absence because I told them he's away on a business trip and will be home soon. They talk to him on the phone once a week. I am now considering going back to my country with the kids where I'll be closer to my family and friends.
Should I tell my kids that their dad can't come with us because he can't leave his business? Or should I tell them the truth?
I fear they will be unable to handle the truth at their ages. They think prison is a place for "bad" people, and I'm afraid it will kill them to find out that's where their dad is. Also, what will they say to their classmates if others ask them, "Where is your father?"
My instinct is to hold off until my kids are old enough to handle the situation. But if I wait, will they resent me for not telling them sooner? If I lie to our kids, I couldn't bring them with me to visit their father.
I love my husband very much and have to deal with this pain, too. But deceiving my children is the deepest hurt of all. Please don't print my real name if you put this in your column. -- A CANADIAN READER
DEAR CANADIAN READER: To quote Sir Walter Scott, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" I urge you to tell your children that their father has been sent to prison for a crime he did not commit.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old married woman. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. I have everything I want in life, except for the fact that we live far away from our families and friends, although we see them often.
When I get together with old friends, I become very nostalgic and have the urge to get in touch with one of my old boyfriends.
Abby, is there anything wrong with this? Is there anything wrong with wanting to know how he is and what he has done with his life? -- NOSTALGIC IN SPRINGFIELD, VA.
DEAR NOSTALGIC: It is only natural to let your mind wander back to the years when you were footloose and fancy-free -- and even romantically involved with someone else. Getting in touch with an old "flame" may seem innocent, but it could start a fire that is not easily extinguished.
Play it safe -- steer clear of old flames and you'll never get singed.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is dating a 28-year-old man who was picked up for indecent exposure about two weeks ago. This is the second time, according to police. My daughter has two young children, and I'm afraid she may leave them alone with him.
Abby, is he a danger to the children? Please answer soon. He doesn't have a court date as yet. -- GRANDMOTHER IN UTICA, MICH.
DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Let me put it this way: If there is any question in your mind or your daughter's -- the children should NOT be left alone with this man.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Man Stays Married for Money Despite Woman's Offer of Love
DEAR ABBY: I am 44 and have been divorced for two years. I recently met a very attractive man who has been unhappily married for 25 years. The only reason he is not divorced is money -- it would break him.
I went to bed with him on our first date, and it was wonderful for both of us. After that we saw each other almost every night for two months. Then he said we were getting "too close," and suggested that we end our relationship and just be "friends."
I explained that I was in love with him and couldn't be his "friend." I know he has feelings for me, but he's too stubborn to admit it.
I have not been with any other men since I met him. I've called him a few times, and can tell by his voice that he still cares for me. I asked him if he still loves me and he said, "It doesn't matter -- we just can't see each other anymore."
Abby, why is money more important than his true feelings? He is in his 50s and has everything a man could want, but he doesn't have the love I'm offering him. What should I do? -- CONFUSED AND HURTING
DEAR CONFUSED AND HURTING: Keep looking for a man who's available. Not every man is willing to sacrifice everything for "love." This one may care about you -- but he cares more about the assets he's accumulated and is unwilling to divide them to pursue a future with you.
DEAR ABBY: I have had enough of the letters from people who ask you to fight their battles for them. I am referring to those who ask you to print a column on what not to say to overweight people, what not to say to a recent widow or widower, and what to say (or not say) to a childless couple, etc.
Abby, your advice to them should be to tell people exactly how they feel instead of waiting for you to tell them.
When my beautiful 5-year-old daughter lost all her hair when she had chemotherapy for cancer, I didn't write to Abby and ask her to tell people to be more sensitive to those who suffer from cancer.
I politely told people my daughter was recovering from cancer. When she was confined to a wheelchair, we took her to the mall to window-shop and ignored those who stared and asked questions.
And by the way, I think "Sympathetic in Seattle's" sister-in-law should be more sympathetic to those of us who have lost a child. I hope she'll never know firsthand what a terrible comparison she makes insisting that failure to conceive a child is the same as losing a child in death. I respect the fact that she's disappointed and upset, but she's comparing a paper cut to a gunshot wound.
Believe me, if I ever heard her say that, I'd tell her that to her face and not wait for Abigail Van Buren to write it in her column. -- PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)