For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Young Mom's Share of Lunch Cost Her Some Embarrassment
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old, have been married for a year and a half, and have a 3-month-old son. We don't have much money and are struggling to get by.
Last week a friend of my mother's called and said, "Let's go to lunch. I want to see your new baby." I assumed it would be her treat. Imagine my embarrassment when I was asked for "my share" of the check. All I had with me was $5. My mother put in the rest.
Had I known I'd be expected to pay for my lunch, I would have suggested that she stop by my house to see the baby.
Was I wrong to assume that she'd be treating me to lunch? -- EMBARRASSED
DEAR EMBARRASSED: No. Since she invited you to lunch, she should have paid for it. However, some people make a practice of going "Dutch" and assume that everyone else understands.
Before accepting an invitation, leave nothing to chance. Ask, "Are we going Dutch?"
DEAR ABBY: I'm an avid reader and respect your opinion, which prompts me to write this letter. I am 31, and for three years I have been dating "Tom," who is 11 years older than I am. We have a fantastic relationship and can usually work out our differences. Recently we've been discussing marriage.
Tom has two daughters from a previous marriage. "Angie," the 21-year-old, does not live with him. "Michelle" is 18, a senior in high school, and will be leaving for college in the fall. Their mother is still living, and I am not attempting to take her place.
Tom and I attend all Michelle's functions together, and I praise her when she excels in something, but after three years, she has not warmed up to me. I don't mind her cool treatment, because she is always respectful and courteous.
If Tom and I marry, I would prefer that Michelle not address me by my first name.
What is the appropriate way for children to address their stepparent? (By the way, Angie is very fond of me and we get along great.) Tom and I have agreed to abide by whatever you suggest. -- TEXAS READER
DEAR READER: Since Tom's daughters are adults, and only slightly younger than you, they might be uncomfortable calling you "Mom." And to call you "Mrs. so-and-so" would be too formal.
The two remaining options: Your first name, or a mutually agreed-upon nickname.
DEAR ABBY: Can you please help me decide what to do? I am 60 years old and have adult children.
I want to write a journal of my life, but there are a few shocking things in my family's past. How much should I tell my children? Or should I leave the family skeletons in the closet? I've been worrying about this for a long time. -- MRS. "O"
DEAR MRS. "O": How much of your life you choose to reveal is a decision that only you can make; however, I urge you to think carefully before revealing information that could hurt family members.
Above all, whatever you disclose in your journal must be the truth.
Americans Abroad Discover Medicare Limits the Hard Way
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently took my 80-year-old mother-in-law to see her ancestral village in Ireland. On our return trip through Wales, my mother-in-law fell and broke her hip, which necessitated a partial replacement and a three-week stay in the hospital. In attempting to pay the hospital bill, we were advised by Medicare that it does not cover injuries or illnesses sustained outside of the United States!
Needless to say, this revelation was devastating to us, since my mother-in-law lives on a small Social Security income.
I have talked to more than 20 people since we got the bad news -- and have found only three who were aware of this exemption.
Abby, it would be a public service if you publicize this fact as a warning to others who plan to travel outside the country. -- STEVE CRAWFORD, CHAMBLEE, GA.
DEAR MR. CRAWFORD: People on Medicare should discuss purchasing supplementary medical insurance, which will provide coverage while they are in another country.
Those who are not on Medicare should make certain their health insurance policy provides coverage while they are out of the country. Many plans do provide some type of coverage, such as emergency services, but each plan varies, and it is up to the individual to find out what his or her plan offers.
Most insurance brokers and agents have an insurance guide that lists the various plans and the coverages they offer. If you are unable to obtain one from a broker or agent, contact your state insurance department or state insurance commissioner's office for a guide.
DEAR ABBY: Last September, my son was talking on the phone when a blood clot stopped his beating heart forever. It was a terrible shock to all of us.
Many friends and neighbors brought in food for our family. However, some neglected to put their names on the containers, so now I have several nice bowls and pans, and I don't know to whom they belong. I am too embarrassed to start telephoning people in an effort to learn who brought what.
Abby, please advise your readers that when taking food to a bereaved family, they should write their names on the containers so they can be returned to the owners.
Thank you from a grieving mom. -- WISCONSIN RAPIDS, WIS.
DEAR MOM: My heart goes out to you and your family on the loss of your beloved son. Realizing our mortality, we all expect that one day we will bury our parents, but having to bury a child is surely one of life's most heartbreaking experiences.
Thank you for writing to remind people who bring food to bereaved families to be sure their names are on the containers so they can be returned. Or better yet, bring food in disposable containers.
BARBERSHOP TALK: The famous French comedian Fernandel went to a new barber. Excited at having such a prominent customer, the barber almost danced around him and could hardly do enough. Finally, when he had finished, he got a mirror, held it behind the famous head and whispered, "Is that all right?"
Frenandel looked at him sternly and replied, "Almost -- just a little longer in the back, please."
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: About your suggestion to parents to get an IOU for the money they lend to their adult children: I will make a deal with you -- if you will promise not to try to practice law, I will promise not to write any "advice to the lovelorn" columns.
An IOU has no legal value whatsoever! Think about it. All it states is that one party owes another party money, and it does not involve any promise to pay it back by a certain date, etc.
There is nothing sadder than having a couple of old, retired people come into my office with a handwritten IOU on a piece of paper. The last couple had given their son $30,000 and wanted me to collect it for them.
Abby, first, parents should NOT lend their children money unless they can afford to lose it. Second, they should at least have a promissory note secured by a mortgage, etc. And you should stress that this can be wiped out by bankruptcy!
Please correct your column at once before more people fall prey to their children's greed.
Do we have a deal? -- MAX D. RYNEARSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, INDIANAPOLIS
DEAR MAX: Shake! It's a deal.
DEAR ABBY: You often print letters about what not to say to someone you know who is hurting, when a friend or acquaintance is recently divorced, widowed, unemployed, etc. The things that are most often said are labeled "insensitive."
Abby, those lists of insensitive statements make people feel very self-conscious about saying anything at all for fear it will be resented.
Please print a list of things for people to say. You did this for "Grieving," and I really appreciated it.
There are times when not saying anything makes people very uncomfortable. We want to be able to say SOMETHING. -- PUZZLED IN ST. PAUL
DEAR PUZZLED: When people have suffered a loss, the caring thing to do is to acknowledge it. Keep it simple: "I'm sorry about your loss," "Please accept my sympathy" or, "I heard about your misfortune and I'm so sorry" are all acceptable.
There may be times when silence is uncomfortable, but it is preferable to saying something that may be inappropriate. The mistake that people most frequently make is to ask for details -- or to compare the loss to one of their own. When people are hurting, a hug, a warm handshake, or just being available to listen can speak volumes.
DEAR ABBY: The Lake Elsinore, Calif., parents who donated little Patricia Ann's organs helped three other families. Patricia, a 5-month-old baby, died Jan. 10, about 13 hours after she and her mother were struck by a car.
Patricia's heart went to a 2-month-old boy in Alberta, Canada. A 16-month-old boy in San Francisco received Patricia's liver. The mother of two sons in Pennsylvania received Patricia's kidneys.
What an admirable and humanitarian thing to do. It would be wonderful if more people gave much-needed organs to an organ procurement center. Knowing that some good came from their tragedy would help families cope with their loss.
Abby, please publish this message so that more people will consider organ donations. -- VIRGINIA IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.
DEAR VIRGINIA: Patricia's parents are to be commended for their generosity in giving three people the gift of life in the midst of their own overwhelming grief.
I can think of no finer tribute to the memory of a loved one.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)