DEAR ABBY: I'm an avid reader and respect your opinion, which prompts me to write this letter. I am 31, and for three years I have been dating "Tom," who is 11 years older than I am. We have a fantastic relationship and can usually work out our differences. Recently we've been discussing marriage.
Tom has two daughters from a previous marriage. "Angie," the 21-year-old, does not live with him. "Michelle" is 18, a senior in high school, and will be leaving for college in the fall. Their mother is still living, and I am not attempting to take her place.
Tom and I attend all Michelle's functions together, and I praise her when she excels in something, but after three years, she has not warmed up to me. I don't mind her cool treatment, because she is always respectful and courteous.
If Tom and I marry, I would prefer that Michelle not address me by my first name.
What is the appropriate way for children to address their stepparent? (By the way, Angie is very fond of me and we get along great.) Tom and I have agreed to abide by whatever you suggest. -- TEXAS READER
DEAR READER: Since Tom's daughters are adults, and only slightly younger than you, they might be uncomfortable calling you "Mom." And to call you "Mrs. so-and-so" would be too formal.
The two remaining options: Your first name, or a mutually agreed-upon nickname.