DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the poem I'm sending you so much that I hope you will share it with your readers. -- SCHOOLTEACHER
DEAR SCHOOLTEACHER: I'm sure many of them will enjoy it. It reads like the lyrics to a rap song:
Hey, whatcha doing? Whaddaya say?
Do ya wanna read a good poem today?
Hey, gotta sec? C'mon! Let's see!
Our language is changing, you'll hafta agree.
Well, gimme a minute, and lemme just show:
There's a new coined spelling, doncha know?
It's a heckuva note; it's kinda sad,
'Cuz our sloppy talking has gotten this bad.
If you're like me, and you hate there to be
Words like ain't in our vocabulary;
Don't be surprised if we're soon gonna see
Sorta or coulda in the dictionary.
Yeah, merchants and stores are doing it, too;
Making things EZ and quik for you.
They'll offer mor-valu; we can sav-rite tonite;
But the spelling's not kool; it's outtasite!
It's "lots of" (not lotsa), and "going to" (not gonna),
And "got to" and "want to," (not gotta or wanna);
It's "extra" (not x-tra), and "light" (not lite).
And who sez it's OK to use shur or nite?
Comic book lingo; doesn't it getcha?
Annoy? Perplex? Confuse? You betcha!
A whole lotta words like thru and tho;
So why do we all do it?
-- GEORGE WILLINK, 1995
DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married in four months and was planning on having a "dollar dance" at my reception.
My soon-to-be father-in-law is totally against it. He says it's tacky, and he would be embarrassed in front of his millionaire friends.
I told him that I have had friends do this at their receptions, and nobody thought it was tacky.
Help, Abby. I don't know what to do. -- DANCE DILEMMA IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.
DEAR DILEMMA: Since your father-in-law-to-be has told you that he would be embarrassed, I suggest that you skip the "dollar dance." The few dollars it would bring in aren't worth risking your relationship with your future in-laws.
DEAR ABBY: Re "Wiser Now," who bought fire extinguishers as gifts for weddings, housewarmings and graduations, after she had a close call with a pot of burning rice on the stove:
That has been a two-decade tradition in our family. My late father came up with the idea as a "funny" but practical shower gift. Dad suggested that I combine the "wishing well gift" (a bottle of aspirin) and the fire extinguisher, with a note:
"The extinguisher is for the bride to put his fire out, and the aspirin is for the groom to get rid of her headache!"
In all the years I have attended bridal showers, this is one gift that has never been duplicated, or returned. -- D. REBECCA SHOEMAKER, BETHLEHEM, PA.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
4900 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64112; (816) 932-6600