To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Couple Considers the Odds for a Second Time Around
DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I've ever written to you, but I have been reading "Dear Abby" since I was a teen-ager and I trust your advice.
I was married to "Harold" for 15 years. We had three children together and divorced four years ago for several reasons. The main reason was that he was unfaithful to me. I was hurt, bitter and angry because I had always been faithful to him. I never dreamed I would end up divorced, having to raise three children alone.
Now, after four years, he has had a relationship fall apart, and so have I. We have both reached the same conclusion. It is very hard to find a partner who is completely accepting of someone else's children. It makes life extremely complicated to be with someone who does not accept the full "package."
We are presently considering the possibility of dating and possibly reuniting our family. It makes a lot of sense for many reasons.
Abby, what are the chances of making a marriage work the second time around? The only one that comes to mind is Elizabeth Taylor, who married Richard Burton twice, and we all know how that ended. -- PUZZLED IN PORTLAND
DEAR PUZZLED: If there are reliable statistics on the success or failure rate of remarriages, I am not aware of them. In my opinion, the most important ingredient for a successful marriage -- in addition to love -- is for the couple to really need each other.
A word to the wise, however: Before committing yourself to another marriage to a partner who has been unfaithful in the past, make sure that whatever caused it is resolved. I recommend "couples counseling."
DEAR ABBY: I am a 71-year-old widow who has read your column for years. You've had letters about older men who are reluctant to become romantically involved because prostate problems have left them impotent. Yes, there are women, as you say, who prefer a sexless relationship. I am one of them. When I meet a gentleman, early on in our acquaintance I let him know that I do not want to become sexually involved.
My reason: I have an ugly body from my waist down. My thighs are heavy and I have developed what is called "drop stomach" or an "apron."
I joined a gym class and exercise regularly, but there is nothing I can do about this apron of flesh that just hangs down. This is very discouraging because I would like to have a gentleman in my life, but when I let a man know I want a sexless relationship, he loses interest in me.
Surgery (a "tummy tuck") is not an option for me. Ten years ago I had face-lift, and I've already had my eyelids lifted, and that's enough surgery for me.
My husband left me fairly well-off, so I don't have to marry a man for his money. What advice do you have for me? -- ABBY FAN IN ARIZONA
DEAR FAN: Most older men who marry older women do not care if the woman has an "apron" of flesh that hangs down. If you can overlook a man's potbelly, he can overlook your "apron."
The organ of the body that is most important in romance is -- believe it or not -- the EAR. What lovers hear when they make love can work wonders in achieving satisfaction. Trust me.
DANGERS TO CHILDREN LURK IN EVERY ROOM IN A HOUSE
DEAR ABBY: Never have I felt so compelled to write to you as when I read the letter from "Concerned Mom" regarding guns in the house. She shouldn't feel awkward about her young son's welfare. If safe and proper storage methods have been adhered to, there should be no reason for alarm.
I don't see any mention in that letter that indicates "Concerned Mom" wouldn't let her children play at the Smiths because of kitchen knives in unsecured drawers or in a knife block on the counter, power tools in the garage, drain cleaners and other household products easily accessible stored under the kitchen sink, medication in the bathroom, electrical outlets uncovered, or cooking pots on the stove.
Our homes contain a multitude of potential threats to children. With supervision, knowledge and safeguards, our homes can be happy and protected places for our children -- guns in or guns out. You may use my name. -- SUSANE A. GREENE, MIDLAND, TEXAS
DEAR SUSANE A. GREENE: All of the potentially dangerous items you cite in your letter have been mentioned in my column many times, as well as the danger of having a loaded gun in the house.
DEAR ABBY: I have been at my job only about nine months, so I'm a little afraid to talk to my supervisor about a problem I'm having with a co-worker. I try very hard to do the best job I can, I'm dependable, and never miss work without a legitimate reason, while she wastes time, takes off for little or no reason, and "brown-noses" the bosses.
Abby, she lies to them about me, blaming me for every error she makes and accusing me of all sorts of things. It has become almost a full-time job defending myself, but if I don't, my supervisors may believe what she says, and I can't afford to be without an income.
I'm about ready to quit, but jobs are hard to find. Help! -- FED-UP LINE WORKER
DEAR LINE WORKER: Your supervisors can plainly see that you are doing a good job. They can also evaluate the performance of your co-workers.
If it's any comfort, Abraham Lincoln was also wounded by the arrows of his "enemies." This is what he had to say about it: "If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how -- the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end.
"If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, 10 angels swearing I was right would make no difference."
DEAR ABBY: My brother and I work for the same company. He has a position in the company that puts him in contact with hundreds of people. Here is my problem: It seems that everyone hates him, and I have to hear it!
What should I say to people when they tell me how they feel about him, and should I talk to my brother about this? -- "T'S" BROTHER IN ALBANY, N.Y.
DEAR BROTHER: If your brother is really making enemies right and left and it's not part of his job, he will be hearing about it soon enough from his boss -- so it shouldn't be necessary for you to counsel him. Your dilemma reminds me of an old saying: "It takes a friend and an enemy, working in concert, to hurt you to the core. The enemy to slander you, and the friend to tell you about it."
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
COUPLE LOOKS FOR WAY TO GET NEIGHBOR TO CLEAN UP HIS ACT
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have come to the conclusion that you are our only hope. We have had an ongoing problem since moving into our home two years ago.
Our trash is picked up weekly in the alley at the rear of our home. We have a neighbor who uses one broken plastic container for his trash. The container is full early in the week, so by the end of the week, there is unwrapped garbage all over. We fear the worst -- rats.
The sanitation men do an excellent job, but it's not their responsibility to scoop up garbage that's scattered on the ground.
I've thought about confronting this neighbor, buying him more trash cans, even sending him pictures of the mess -- anonymously, of course.
Our dilemma is this: He's not a bad neighbor. His children play with our children and we like him -- we just want his trash to be contained like the rest of the neighbors'. Above all, we don't want any hard feelings. Please help, but keep us anonymous. -- EVANSVILLE, IND.
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Sending your neighbor pictures of his garbage won't help -- I'm sure he already knows what a mess it is. Call your sanitation department and ask if there are city regulations about garbage containers (I'm sure there are). Ask the director of the department to write a letter to your neighbor pointing out the infractions and insisting on compliance.
If the letter doesn't cause the neighbor to correct the problem, explain your concerns to him and request that additional containers be purchased -- and used.
DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, I ordered your cookbooklet "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes," and only just now have tried one of your recipes -- the Burgundy Lamb Shanks. No need to tell you just how delicious they were: Even my husband -- who doesn't like lamb -- raved over them. I plan on serving this lively feast to guests some evening soon.
They are particularly suitable for entertaining, as I made them the day before (as you suggested), reheated them in the oven and served them on a bed of rice. Now I'm eager to try out a few more of your ideas.
Cookbooks are one of my hobbies. I think it's a real loss that most of our old recipes are disappearing and being replaced by ones mostly based on the quickness and ease of preparation, with not much time or love involved. They certainly would never be able to compete with your Burgundy Lamb Shanks. Thank you so much for sharing! -- MURIEL MCMAHON, WEST VANCOUVER, B.C.
DEAR MURIEL: Thank you for the kind words. Granted, many homemakers are now in the workforce and have limited time for cooking, but those who love the process as well as the result still manage to put together an occasional meal the old-fashioned way. Cooking is an interesting hobby, and one that provides a unique opportunity for bonding. Every time I cook with a new friend, I learn something.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)