Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DANGERS TO CHILDREN LURK IN EVERY ROOM IN A HOUSE
DEAR ABBY: Never have I felt so compelled to write to you as when I read the letter from "Concerned Mom" regarding guns in the house. She shouldn't feel awkward about her young son's welfare. If safe and proper storage methods have been adhered to, there should be no reason for alarm.
I don't see any mention in that letter that indicates "Concerned Mom" wouldn't let her children play at the Smiths because of kitchen knives in unsecured drawers or in a knife block on the counter, power tools in the garage, drain cleaners and other household products easily accessible stored under the kitchen sink, medication in the bathroom, electrical outlets uncovered, or cooking pots on the stove.
Our homes contain a multitude of potential threats to children. With supervision, knowledge and safeguards, our homes can be happy and protected places for our children -- guns in or guns out. You may use my name. -- SUSANE A. GREENE, MIDLAND, TEXAS
DEAR SUSANE A. GREENE: All of the potentially dangerous items you cite in your letter have been mentioned in my column many times, as well as the danger of having a loaded gun in the house.
DEAR ABBY: I have been at my job only about nine months, so I'm a little afraid to talk to my supervisor about a problem I'm having with a co-worker. I try very hard to do the best job I can, I'm dependable, and never miss work without a legitimate reason, while she wastes time, takes off for little or no reason, and "brown-noses" the bosses.
Abby, she lies to them about me, blaming me for every error she makes and accusing me of all sorts of things. It has become almost a full-time job defending myself, but if I don't, my supervisors may believe what she says, and I can't afford to be without an income.
I'm about ready to quit, but jobs are hard to find. Help! -- FED-UP LINE WORKER
DEAR LINE WORKER: Your supervisors can plainly see that you are doing a good job. They can also evaluate the performance of your co-workers.
If it's any comfort, Abraham Lincoln was also wounded by the arrows of his "enemies." This is what he had to say about it: "If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how -- the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end.
"If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, 10 angels swearing I was right would make no difference."
DEAR ABBY: My brother and I work for the same company. He has a position in the company that puts him in contact with hundreds of people. Here is my problem: It seems that everyone hates him, and I have to hear it!
What should I say to people when they tell me how they feel about him, and should I talk to my brother about this? -- "T'S" BROTHER IN ALBANY, N.Y.
DEAR BROTHER: If your brother is really making enemies right and left and it's not part of his job, he will be hearing about it soon enough from his boss -- so it shouldn't be necessary for you to counsel him. Your dilemma reminds me of an old saying: "It takes a friend and an enemy, working in concert, to hurt you to the core. The enemy to slander you, and the friend to tell you about it."
COUPLE LOOKS FOR WAY TO GET NEIGHBOR TO CLEAN UP HIS ACT
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have come to the conclusion that you are our only hope. We have had an ongoing problem since moving into our home two years ago.
Our trash is picked up weekly in the alley at the rear of our home. We have a neighbor who uses one broken plastic container for his trash. The container is full early in the week, so by the end of the week, there is unwrapped garbage all over. We fear the worst -- rats.
The sanitation men do an excellent job, but it's not their responsibility to scoop up garbage that's scattered on the ground.
I've thought about confronting this neighbor, buying him more trash cans, even sending him pictures of the mess -- anonymously, of course.
Our dilemma is this: He's not a bad neighbor. His children play with our children and we like him -- we just want his trash to be contained like the rest of the neighbors'. Above all, we don't want any hard feelings. Please help, but keep us anonymous. -- EVANSVILLE, IND.
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Sending your neighbor pictures of his garbage won't help -- I'm sure he already knows what a mess it is. Call your sanitation department and ask if there are city regulations about garbage containers (I'm sure there are). Ask the director of the department to write a letter to your neighbor pointing out the infractions and insisting on compliance.
If the letter doesn't cause the neighbor to correct the problem, explain your concerns to him and request that additional containers be purchased -- and used.
DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, I ordered your cookbooklet "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes," and only just now have tried one of your recipes -- the Burgundy Lamb Shanks. No need to tell you just how delicious they were: Even my husband -- who doesn't like lamb -- raved over them. I plan on serving this lively feast to guests some evening soon.
They are particularly suitable for entertaining, as I made them the day before (as you suggested), reheated them in the oven and served them on a bed of rice. Now I'm eager to try out a few more of your ideas.
Cookbooks are one of my hobbies. I think it's a real loss that most of our old recipes are disappearing and being replaced by ones mostly based on the quickness and ease of preparation, with not much time or love involved. They certainly would never be able to compete with your Burgundy Lamb Shanks. Thank you so much for sharing! -- MURIEL MCMAHON, WEST VANCOUVER, B.C.
DEAR MURIEL: Thank you for the kind words. Granted, many homemakers are now in the workforce and have limited time for cooking, but those who love the process as well as the result still manage to put together an occasional meal the old-fashioned way. Cooking is an interesting hobby, and one that provides a unique opportunity for bonding. Every time I cook with a new friend, I learn something.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
COMMENTS TO INFERTILE COUPLES MAKE LIST THAT KEEPS GROWING
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I appreciated your column on what not to say to an infertile couple. We are a professional couple in our late 30s, and infertility has been a part of our lives for almost 10 years now. We've been to six fertility specialists and have endured many months of high-tech procedures.
We have decided now to detour from the medical route because of the cost and spent emotions. It's more devastating not to be pregnant after spending several hundreds of dollars. Our current doctor cannot detect a medical problem with either one of us. We have tried to adopt a few times, but it didn't work out.
The most difficult part of infertility is the deafening silence. Most of our friends and relatives have had children with no difficulty; consequently, they can't relate to infertility.
We no longer attend family reunions because it's too stressful. Relatives seem concerned only with how many children one has, and since we have none, we have nothing to talk about.
We have endured many insensitive comments over the years from intelligent, well-educated people. Abby, I'd like to add a few more things to your list of "The 10 Worst Things to Say to an Infertile Couple":
1. "Are you barren? Or is your husband shooting blanks?"
2. "When God closes a door, he opens a window."
3. "Your husband should try wearing boxer shorts."
4. "Try standing on your head for several minutes after lovemaking. They say gravity is the key to conceiving."
Sign me ... INCONCEIVABLE IN CINCINNATI
DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion on a family matter. Our family has always been close-knit.
My sister died at 57. "Wayne," her husband of more than 30 years, subsequently remarried.
Recently I introduced them as "my brother-in-law and his wife, Jo Ann."
Twice she has corrected me publicly, saying, "He WAS your brother-in-law."
Abby, in my opinion Wayne will be my brother-in-law always.
Of course, I could be more specific and introduce his wife as "his second wife, Jo Ann," but I hope she doesn't push me to that point. -- NAMELESS, OF COURSE
DEAR NAMELESS: A marriage is more than the joining of two individuals. In many cases it's also the joining of families. And the promise "Till death do us part" doesn't always end with the death of a spouse.
A frank talk with Wayne about how you feel might help. Also, ask him how HE wants to be introduced. Reacting with hostility to this petty, insecure woman will only escalate your problem.
DEAR ABBY: My brother recently passed away, leaving his widow financially comfortable. She didn't have many friends, so I tried to spend as much time with her as possible. We planned a trip together, and in order to get to the airport for an early morning departure, I invited her to spend the night at my house. I gave her my bedroom and slept on the couch in another room so she could have her privacy.
After the trip was over, I discovered that she had broken my favorite crystal figurine, without mentioning it to me. Also, an overnight bag was missing from my closet.
In the past, she has been known to remove photos from our family albums. Also, she was once fired from her job for stealing, but we all believed that she had been unjustly accused. (Now we have our doubts.)
I fear that confronting her will cause a rift in our families, as I am quite certain that her children and grandchildren are not aware of her light-fingered habits.
Abby, I am worried about her. How can I help her? -- NO NAME, INITIALS OR CITY
DEAR NO NAME: You can help her by handing her this letter and suggesting (with love -- not incrimination) that she get professional help. You would be doing her an enormous favor. Trust me.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)