For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
NEIGHBORS REMAIN STRANGERS THROUGH 25 YEARS OF LIVING
DEAR ABBY: I have kept a letter you ran in Newsday (New York) on Aug. 20, 1982, and believe it is even more appropriate today.
If you agree, please consider rerunning it.-- JACK PLETMAN, HUNTINGTON STATION, N.Y.
DEAR MR. PLETMAN: I agree. Thank you for sending it.
DEAR ABBY: This is a letter I would like my neighbors to see. Perhaps your column will reach them:
"Dear Neighbors: I am reminiscing today over the 25 years that we have been your neighbors. When we moved here from out of state, we waited for you to welcome us. You never did.
"We are a decent, respectable family. Maybe our children were a little noisy at times, and our grass was uncut once in a while, and our religion was different from yours -- so you ignored us.
"Events in our lives -- births, graduations, weddings, deaths -- came and went with no acknowledgments from you.
"Now that we are all old and the children are gone from the street, shall we be hypocritical and mourn your deaths, or regret your moving?
"I think not. We are all poorer for having ignored one another, but we survived. May our children extend the hand of friendship to their neighbors." -- AGNES IN CULVER CITY, CALIF.
DEAR AGNES: What's done is done, but times have changed. Neighbors need each other today for security as well as for the sake of old-fashioned friendship.
This is a plea for people to reach out and offer their friendship to the newcomers in the neighborhood. And if the welcome is slow in coming, the newcomers should initiate the dialogue.
Nothing separates like silence.
DEAR ABBY: "Steve" and I have been married for three years. I'm 37 and Steve is 30. Steve told me right off the bat that he did not want children. (I was ambivalent.)
Recently I asked him to get a vasectomy as some of his friends have done, because I'm tired of the cost of the pill as well as its side effects, and a vasectomy is easier than female sterilization. Steve absolutely refused even to discuss it with me, much less with a counselor.
Abby, now I'm worried that in a few years down the line he could divorce me and have children with a younger woman, but I'd be too old to get married again and have children.
Is Steve just using me for sex and companionship until he reaches the financial peak of his career?
I am considering getting pregnant "accidentally" so that even if we got divorced, I'd have some child support coming in. What should I do? -- ANXIOUS IN ST. PAUL
DEAR ANXIOUS: The questions you have raised indicate that your marriage is on shaky ground. A marriage without trust is no marriage at all. It is possible that your husband is afraid that a vasectomy will be painful, or somehow make him "less of a man." It is imperative that you and Steve reach an understanding about this. "Accidentally" getting pregnant will only worsen the situation.
Automatic Answering System Wins One Voice of Approval
DEAR ABBY: You wrote that you know of no one who actually enjoys transacting business with a computer.
Well, you do now; I am one.
Maybe it's a sign of my generation (I'm 26), but I think automated telephone systems are fun. If I had a choice between getting a person or a computer to take care of my business, I'd choose the computer every time. It's very efficient, and I don't have to worry about being put on "hold" or dealing with a rude customer service representative.
I realize that not everyone can adapt to this type of technological leap, but I appreciate getting lots of information without saying a word. However, I think businesses need to accommodate customers who prefer to talk with a real person. Sign this ... PRESS 5 TO REPEAT
DEAR PRESS 5: Perhaps it's generational, but I confess that I am among those who become confused when I hear prerecorded instructions. However, more people wrote favoring automated systems than knocking them. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have a couple of thoughts after reading "Frustrated Fran"'s letter about automated answering systems. Automated systems are, admittedly, far more economical than employing a slew of live operators full time.
There are two ways companies can relieve the frustration of voice mail. The first is used by many firms who offer the caller the opportunity to speak to a live operator by pressing "0" if he/she cannot figure out how to get a satisfactory result from the menu options.
The second solution is one I have encountered less often, but is a real help. The recording gives an estimate of how long it will be before callers get through to the party or extension they seek. This provides the option of hanging up and calling again if the wait is longer than desired.
By utilizing either of these options, a company can markedly reduce the frustration that sometimes results from an encounter with a computer. I hope that corporate America will take this to heart. -- BURKE BELKNAP, OCEANSIDE, CALIF.
DEAR BURKE: At the risk of appearing cynical, let's not hold our breath until corporate America feels it deeply enough in the pocketbook to take it to heart.
DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from an older woman who still regretted her long-lost romance, and correctly signed it "Stupid in California."
She should have been advised: "Things usually turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out."
Also remember, "You may not be able to turn back the clock, but you can always wind it up again." -- BILL STAUN, CINCINNATI
YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY:
There is one fault that I must find
With the 20th century,
And I'll put it in a couple of words:
Too adventury.
What I'd like would be some nice full monotony
If anyone's gotony.
-- OGDEN NASH (1902-1971)
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Dad Does Not Take Lightly Marriage to a Heavyweight
DEAR ABBY: My father has lived with a lady for several years, but he will not marry her because of her weight. (Of course, he has not told her this.)
She is not fat, but she is a little overweight, a size 12 to 14. When we ask Dad why he hasn't proposed yet, he just says, "She's on a diet right now, and as soon as she loses some weight and stays slim for a while, I'll see about it."
Should I tell her she's wasting her time with my dad? It seems to me that he's just waiting for something better to come along. She cooks, cleans house, washes his clothes, everything. I feel he is just using her. He says he "loves" her.
I think if he loves her, he should marry her. What is your opinion? -- A SOUTHERNER
DEAR SOUTHERNER: It is not your place to tell the lady anything. When your father asks for your opinion -- and not until then -- give it to him with both barrels.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom looking for a job. Recently I was called for an interview, and it seemed to go very well, as I was called back for a second interview.
The prospective employer told me he would call me next week with a decision. Abby, I waited a whole week without any word, so I decided to call them back. I left a message, and again no response.
Abby, if someone is called in for an interview, wouldn't it be simple, common courtesy for the interviewer to take a few minutes to say, yes, no, or thank you? -- SNUBBED, BRAMPTON, ONTARIO, CANADA
DEAR SNUBBED: Yours is a question that I have been asked several times.
Of course you should have been called back (as promised) and told that you did not get the job, so you could feel free to continue your job search.
DEAR ABBY: My personal frustration with today's impersonal communications systems led me to write the enclosed poem. It was printed in my local newspaper, and is also posted in the library. It gets lots of laughs -- and is yours to print if you see fit. -- RAE LUDWIG, PLEASANTVILLE, N.J.
DEAR RAE: It's a hoot -- and well worth sharing.
DIAL 'F' FOR FRUSTRATION
The frustrating non-communication of today's fax, e-mail and telephone systems leads me to peer into the future:
You have reached your doctor.
If it's your head, press 1 NOW.
If it's your stomach, press 2 NOW.
If it's your heart, press 3 NOW.
If you've died while waiting, press 4 NOW
and the morgue will be over to pick you up.
DEAR READERS: Here's a thought-provoking quote from the late -- and great -- author, John Steinbeck: "We give the president more work than a man can do, more responsibility than a man should take, more pressure than a man can bear. We abuse him often, and rarely praise him. We wear him out, use him up, eat him up. And with all this, Americans have a love for the president that goes beyond party loyalty or nationality; he is ours, and we exercise the right to destroy him."
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)