For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Like the lady in Arlington, Va., whose husband lived at the gym lifting weights, I am also alone.
My husband, "Paul," is 50 and wants the body of a 20-year-old. He consumes protein drinks and energy bars, pops vitamin pills, and reads body-building magazines every day. His gym equipment amounts to several thousand of dollars. Paul is constantly after me to get into exercising with him, but I'm really not interested. Besides, I still have a pretty good figure after five kids.
Now that the kids are grown, you'd think we would spend more time together, but Paul is in the recreation room working out four nights a week, so I find myself alone. He can find the time to exercise, but no time to paint the house. I told him painting would be good exercise, but he says, "It's the wrong kind."
Abby, after 30 years of marriage, I still love Paul, and I'd never leave him, but he's really overdoing the physical fitness routine. All in all, if it were up to me, I'd prefer a husband with love handles to no love at all. -- BARBELL WIDOW
DEAR WIDOW: Perhaps I'm jumping to a wrong conclusion, but if you are literally getting no love at all, you should insist that Paul join you in some sessions with a marriage counselor.
DEAR ABBY: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but a family problem has gotten out of hand and I need the help of an objective party.
My older brother, "Victor," who is 28, attempted suicide two years ago after a messy breakup with his wife, with whom he was still in love. He now regrets the act and realizes that they married too young (at 21).
Since suicide is a crime in our religion, my parents and my younger sister, "Sarah" (who is still in college), refuse to speak to Victor.
In a few months, I plan to marry a wonderful man. We had planned to include both Victor and Sarah in the wedding party. However, each has said he/she will not attend if the other does.
My parents predict that my marriage will end as Victor's did if I allow him to come. Victor says our parents will disown me, too, sooner or later, so it may as well be sooner. My husband-to-be just rolls his eyes.
Whom should I choose, Sarah or Victor? -- DISTRAUGHT MIDDLE CHILD
DEAR DISTRAUGHT: It is your right to invite whomever you want to your wedding; furthermore, it's unfair to be put on the spot as you have been.
Anyone who says, "If you invite so-and-so, I'm not coming," deserves to be excluded. I would exclude BOTH of them.
DEAR ABBY: My mother always used to say, "The shoemaker's family goes barefoot." Well, she was right. I married a plumber, and every faucet in our house drips.
I have begged my husband to fix them, but he keeps putting me off. I tried to repair them myself and almost lost my thumb. What should I do? -- PLUMBER'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: The biggest "drip" in your house is your husband. The plumbing in a plumber's house should be perfect, so tell your husband you'll give him one more chance before calling his competitor with instructions to put your plumbing in first-class condition, and send the bill to your husband.
Couple on Party's 'B' List Have a First-Class Beef
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were invited to a party at the home of some old friends. They are very social, always attending parties -- but we have never entertained them, so we were surprised to receive their invitation.
The invitation read "4 to 6 p.m." My wife and I arrived around 5 o'clock. We thought we'd see many of our old friends who are also friends of theirs. They have a huge home, and we were surprised to find only 10 other guests. They served hot cider and non-alcoholic punch -- that's all.
Well, the next day I ran into one of those old friends who told me that he had attended the party and wondered where we were. I told him that we were there and had been one of the last to leave around 6 p.m. My friend said, "We didn't get there until 7:30," and went on to describe the open bar, the fine wine, etc. -- none of which was offered when my wife and I were there.
Can you believe how tacky? There were two different party lists, and my wife and I were placed on the dull and, yes, "cheap" one.
I'd like to let the hosts know that we know about their slight and did not appreciate it, but we don't know how to do it without totally ruining the friendship. We'd appreciate your thoughts on this. -- TICKED OFF IN GEORGIA
DEAR TICKED OFF: There is nothing to be gained by confronting your hosts to complain about having been placed on their "B" list. Just make a mental note of where you stand with them and file it under "sadder but wiser."
DEAR ABBY: The "I remember your name but can't think of your face" solution to forgetting someone's name reminds me of an experience I had at my 50th class reunion at DePauw University in Indiana.
"Fred Anderson!" a fellow classmate greeted me after having obviously partied too long and too well. "You sure have changed. You used to be kind of fat and not as tall."
"I am not Fred Anderson," I replied. "I'm Jack Runninger."
"Oh, you changed your name, too, eh?"
I remember a true story from many years ago about the danger of pretending to know who someone is.
A lady couldn't remember the name of someone she ran into on the street one day. As she racked her brain, the other lady finally mentioned something about her brother.
"Oh, yes ... your dear brother ... what is he doing these days?" she asked, figuring this might give her a clue to the lady's identity.
"Oh, he's still the president of the United States," she replied. (She was Calvin Coolidge's sister.) -- JACK RUNNINGER, ROME, GA.
DEAR JACK: Speaking of Coolidge, he was a man of few words and was nicknamed "Silent Cal."
It was reported that Coolidge was seated next to a lively woman at a dinner party. She turned to Coolidge and said with a smile, "Someone bet me $10 that you wouldn't say three words to me all evening," to which Coolidge replied (with a straight face), "You lose."
DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Devastated in Long Island," I thought you would get a kick out of this:
Some years ago in a New England city, many members of a certain Jewish temple were becoming active with the Religious Society of Friends, also known as the Quakers.
When asked if he was aware of the situation, the rabbi came back with this classic: "Oh, yes. Why, some of my best Jews are Friends!" -- CHUCK EVANS, ERIE, PA.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SOME THOUGHT SHOULD GO IN BEFORE ANY TATTOO GOES ON
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Sorry in Maine," the woman who went to a tattoo parlor with a girlfriend and left with a rose about the size of a half-dollar tattooed on her shoulder: She thought it was so cool, she went back a week later and had another rose tattooed on the outside of her ankle.
What a coincidence! I, too, have a rose tattooed on my ankle and I love it. I put a lot of thought into getting a tattoo because I knew it was a permanent decision. Unlike "Sorry in Maine," I have never regretted it.
But I have a word of advice for anyone who wants a tattoo. Circumstances change, so never have someone's name tattooed on any part of your body. -- NEEDLED IN FORT WORTH
DEAR NEEDLED: Sounds like good advice to me -- right to the point. (Sorry, I couldn't resist it.) However, before doing anything irreversible to one's body, one should give it plenty of serious thought.
Read on for a letter in a similar vein:
DEAR ABBY: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but I have seen nothing but negative comments in your column about tattoos on women. I just had to write on my own behalf -- and I'm sure there are many other women who do not regret their tattoos.
Before I got one, I thought long and hard, then asked my husband if he'd mind. He said, "It's your body." So I searched and searched until I found a tattoo artist who did the kind of work I liked. I decided on a 2-by-4-inch tiger in blue, because I'm a cat lover. After it healed, I got a small tattoo of red and blue roses on my forearm.
I suspect the reason many people regret getting tattoos is because they did it on a dare or when they were under the influence.
I took my time, realizing this was something that would be with me forever. I would never have another person's name or initials tattooed on myself.
I was 40 when I got my first tattoo, and have heard only two nasty remarks from men. One was from my father, who thought I was nuts. The other was from a male who does not deserve mention. Someday I plan to get a third tattoo, although I have not yet decided what it will be. -- TATTOO MARY IN OTTUMWA, IOWA
DEAR TATTOO MARY: The majority of those who responded to the letter from "Sorry in Maine" were not in favor of tattoos for anyone; but since you are an adult who made an informed decision, I say good for you.
Some readers mentioned that a temporary tattoo is also available, lasts through showering and swimming, and can be removed with a special cream. (It's an excellent way for people to satisfy their curiosity with no permanent consequences.)
Some employers revealed that "a good overall appearance" tops their list of expectations for potential employees, and they would be less likely to hire people with visible tattoos. While acknowledging that their bias may be unfair, they associated a lower level of performance with people wearing tattoos.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)