Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Couple on Party's 'B' List Have a First-Class Beef
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were invited to a party at the home of some old friends. They are very social, always attending parties -- but we have never entertained them, so we were surprised to receive their invitation.
The invitation read "4 to 6 p.m." My wife and I arrived around 5 o'clock. We thought we'd see many of our old friends who are also friends of theirs. They have a huge home, and we were surprised to find only 10 other guests. They served hot cider and non-alcoholic punch -- that's all.
Well, the next day I ran into one of those old friends who told me that he had attended the party and wondered where we were. I told him that we were there and had been one of the last to leave around 6 p.m. My friend said, "We didn't get there until 7:30," and went on to describe the open bar, the fine wine, etc. -- none of which was offered when my wife and I were there.
Can you believe how tacky? There were two different party lists, and my wife and I were placed on the dull and, yes, "cheap" one.
I'd like to let the hosts know that we know about their slight and did not appreciate it, but we don't know how to do it without totally ruining the friendship. We'd appreciate your thoughts on this. -- TICKED OFF IN GEORGIA
DEAR TICKED OFF: There is nothing to be gained by confronting your hosts to complain about having been placed on their "B" list. Just make a mental note of where you stand with them and file it under "sadder but wiser."
DEAR ABBY: The "I remember your name but can't think of your face" solution to forgetting someone's name reminds me of an experience I had at my 50th class reunion at DePauw University in Indiana.
"Fred Anderson!" a fellow classmate greeted me after having obviously partied too long and too well. "You sure have changed. You used to be kind of fat and not as tall."
"I am not Fred Anderson," I replied. "I'm Jack Runninger."
"Oh, you changed your name, too, eh?"
I remember a true story from many years ago about the danger of pretending to know who someone is.
A lady couldn't remember the name of someone she ran into on the street one day. As she racked her brain, the other lady finally mentioned something about her brother.
"Oh, yes ... your dear brother ... what is he doing these days?" she asked, figuring this might give her a clue to the lady's identity.
"Oh, he's still the president of the United States," she replied. (She was Calvin Coolidge's sister.) -- JACK RUNNINGER, ROME, GA.
DEAR JACK: Speaking of Coolidge, he was a man of few words and was nicknamed "Silent Cal."
It was reported that Coolidge was seated next to a lively woman at a dinner party. She turned to Coolidge and said with a smile, "Someone bet me $10 that you wouldn't say three words to me all evening," to which Coolidge replied (with a straight face), "You lose."
DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Devastated in Long Island," I thought you would get a kick out of this:
Some years ago in a New England city, many members of a certain Jewish temple were becoming active with the Religious Society of Friends, also known as the Quakers.
When asked if he was aware of the situation, the rabbi came back with this classic: "Oh, yes. Why, some of my best Jews are Friends!" -- CHUCK EVANS, ERIE, PA.
SOME THOUGHT SHOULD GO IN BEFORE ANY TATTOO GOES ON
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Sorry in Maine," the woman who went to a tattoo parlor with a girlfriend and left with a rose about the size of a half-dollar tattooed on her shoulder: She thought it was so cool, she went back a week later and had another rose tattooed on the outside of her ankle.
What a coincidence! I, too, have a rose tattooed on my ankle and I love it. I put a lot of thought into getting a tattoo because I knew it was a permanent decision. Unlike "Sorry in Maine," I have never regretted it.
But I have a word of advice for anyone who wants a tattoo. Circumstances change, so never have someone's name tattooed on any part of your body. -- NEEDLED IN FORT WORTH
DEAR NEEDLED: Sounds like good advice to me -- right to the point. (Sorry, I couldn't resist it.) However, before doing anything irreversible to one's body, one should give it plenty of serious thought.
Read on for a letter in a similar vein:
DEAR ABBY: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but I have seen nothing but negative comments in your column about tattoos on women. I just had to write on my own behalf -- and I'm sure there are many other women who do not regret their tattoos.
Before I got one, I thought long and hard, then asked my husband if he'd mind. He said, "It's your body." So I searched and searched until I found a tattoo artist who did the kind of work I liked. I decided on a 2-by-4-inch tiger in blue, because I'm a cat lover. After it healed, I got a small tattoo of red and blue roses on my forearm.
I suspect the reason many people regret getting tattoos is because they did it on a dare or when they were under the influence.
I took my time, realizing this was something that would be with me forever. I would never have another person's name or initials tattooed on myself.
I was 40 when I got my first tattoo, and have heard only two nasty remarks from men. One was from my father, who thought I was nuts. The other was from a male who does not deserve mention. Someday I plan to get a third tattoo, although I have not yet decided what it will be. -- TATTOO MARY IN OTTUMWA, IOWA
DEAR TATTOO MARY: The majority of those who responded to the letter from "Sorry in Maine" were not in favor of tattoos for anyone; but since you are an adult who made an informed decision, I say good for you.
Some readers mentioned that a temporary tattoo is also available, lasts through showering and swimming, and can be removed with a special cream. (It's an excellent way for people to satisfy their curiosity with no permanent consequences.)
Some employers revealed that "a good overall appearance" tops their list of expectations for potential employees, and they would be less likely to hire people with visible tattoos. While acknowledging that their bias may be unfair, they associated a lower level of performance with people wearing tattoos.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mother Shies From Allowing Son to Visit House With Guns
DEAR ABBY: At 4 years old, my son John is getting to the age where he's occasionally invited to the homes of his schoolmates.
Last week, a parent I'll call "Mr. Smith" invited John to spend the afternoon at his home playing with his son. John had a great time, but when I picked him up, he described deer heads on the wall -- and to my horror, the guns in the house!
Obviously, Mr. Smith is a hunter and there's no doubt that the guns John described were real.
I have decided not to let John go back, but I feel awkward bringing this up with the Smiths. I don't want to appear rude, since both parents are very much involved with the preschool our children attend.
Abby, I don't ever want my children in a home with guns, but how should I handle this without offending the parents? -- CONCERNED MOM
DEAR CONCERNED: Your child's welfare must come first. Be up-front about it when an invitation is again extended. Tell the Smiths that your son mentioned the guns in their home, and you prefer that when the children play together, they do it in your home under your supervision.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from Jose Fidelino interested me. My wife was born in Laos. Her mother came from China and her father from Vietnam. She also lived in Thailand for several years, so she speaks many languages.
Since we now live in Long Beach, Calif., we're 20 minutes from Chinatown, 20 minutes from Little Saigon and five minutes from Little India. We have two children, and when we are all together, we get lots of stares. When my wife takes the children without me, she is asked lots of questions from strangers wanting to know where she got them (as if she had stolen them), but she takes it as a compliment and moves on.
As for people asking, "Where are you from?" I hear that often, but I do not take it as an insult. In the case of Asians, they are asking, "May I talk to you?" It is simply a sign that they are interested in you and are groping for a starting point.
I have started many conversations with, "Where are you from?" And I found out that the best cakes are from a Filipino bakery in Little India; the best soup is at a Cambodian restaurant in Little Saigon; the best dim-cha is in Chinatown. Also there is a beautiful Chinese temple in Hacienda Heights.
Americans are slowly opening their eyes to the Pacific Rim. While many people are unfamiliar with Asian history beyond the war stories, that is not to say we can't learn. Just give us time. -- KENNETH SPICER, LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: I am amazed at the number of credit card receipts drivers leave behind after using their bank cards at gas pumps. This is very risky business because the account number is on the receipt.
Abby, please warn your readers either to take their receipts with them, or to press the "no" button when the computer asks if they want a receipt so that it won't print one. -- CAREFUL ABOUT MY CARDS
DEAR CAREFUL: Thanks for the warning. People should also take their receipts with them after using ATMs (Automated Teller Machines), and destroy them before disposing of them.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)