DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Recent Divorcee, Nauvoo, Ala.," the woman who experienced the painful loss of her family and friends after her divorce, was excellent.
She had learned in a divorce support group that this "abandonment" is a common experience among divorced women. I thought it might help "Recent Divorcee" to know that abandonment is not associated exclusively with divorce. It's also a common occurrence when a person suffers a terminal illness.
Those of us who have received this treatment refer to it as "ghost syndrome." It's as if we have already died! We disappear from the guest lists of friends planning parties, and it seems as though our names have been erased from their phonebooks.
I realize this may be a defense mechanism for many people, a way of easing the grief that awaits them. For others, confronting serious illness makes them too mindful of their own mortality.
Fortunately for me, my family was open enough to realize they had been inadvertently inching me out of their lives. I have been less blessed with my "friends." Only one close friend has stuck by me. But I have resolved to initiate new friendships. People who are uncomfortable with my limited future are not the kind I need to be spending my time with anyway.
I am one of the lucky ones. I have a wonderful husband and terrific children. My heart goes out to those who are more alone than I.
As you wisely advised "Recent Divorcee," when something catastrophic changes your life -- like divorce, the death of a loved one, or having to face your own mortality -- it's time to adjust and rebuild. With effort, we can find ways to turn a bad situation into something better. I wish her the best in doing so. -- SHIRLEY GRANDAHL, WINDSOR LOCKS, CONN.
DEAR SHIRLEY: Your attitude in the light of such challenging circumstances is impressive. Perhaps your letter will help "Divorcee" and others to view the unexpected changes in their lives more positively. God bless you and your family.