YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: "How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teen-ager who wants to stay out all night?" -- FROM A MILWAUKEE READER
Claims of Kinship Require Proof of Blood, Not Words
DEAR ABBY: My son (I'll call him Ned) just turned 40. Recently a 19-year-old boy came forward and announced that he was Ned's son. When Ned told me, I invited the young man to my home for dinner so we could meet.
Ned seems eager to accept this boy as his son, even though the boy's mother has had three other sons by three different men.
The boy looks nothing like anyone in our family (not that this is necessary), but I'd like to have some tests done before I change my will to include a grandchild that may or may not be mine.
Where do we go, and what do we need as proof of blood relationship? And how accurate would a test of that kind be?
Do you agree that I should want proof before leaving an inheritance to a person who has never made contact (nor has his mother) before now? -- STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
DEAR CONFIDENTIAL: It couldn't hurt. But first, your son should consult an attorney who can direct him to laboratories that perform these tests and have the best reputations for accuracy. However, blood tests are not always 100 percent accurate, so it might be wise to repeat the tests at a different laboratory. It will be necessary for both Ned and the young man claiming to be his son to be tested.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old female who has been driving for 54 years, and I have never even had a parking ticket. I am neither confused nor disoriented.
I'm sorry about the girl who was struck by an elderly gentleman, but there are many people in her age group who are on drugs and alcohol who kill people every day, so it's not just the elderly who should not be driving. -- SHIRLEY RODDY, TEMPE, ARIZ.
P.S. I am in pretty good shape. I jog and swim for an hour every day.
DEAR SHIRLEY: Certainly some older drivers are safe drivers, but everyone past the age of 55 should consider that as we age, our reflexes slow down, and our vision and hearing may not be as sharp as they used to be.
I urge seniors to inquire about courses for mature drivers that instruct them on how to compensate for this, and which may also qualify them for a discount on car insurance.
DEAR ABBY: I wish people would quit calling mail carriers "mailmen." There are many communities that employ women to deliver mail. I know, because I am one of them. Please don't use my name or location. -- CIVIL SERVANT
DEAR CIVIL SERVANT: It's nice to know that today's woman is not limited to "delivering" babies.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN OF FORMER BIG GIRTH SHOULD NOT GIVE FAT WOMEN WIDE BERTH
DEAR ABBY: Congratulations to "Abnormal in California," the 34-year-old bachelor who lost 100 pounds and wonders where the women he's now dating were when he was fat and alone.
Perhaps he should look to women who understand what he's been through -- those who may be sitting at home feeling rejected and alone because they are overweight.
If he doesn't consider a fat woman worthy of his time, then he's doing the same thing he accuses the women of doing to him. -- A DULUTH, MINN., READER
DEAR DULUTH READER: You make a valid point. "Abnormal" has a special understanding to offer women whose social lives are suffering because of their weight. I was inundated with letters from readers who shared their painful experiences. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In reference to "Abnormal in California": I, too, was overweight during my childhood and teen-age years. After painful harassment and great struggle, I finally lost the weight. Suddenly, I miraculously fit into the socially acceptable world, even though nothing else about me had changed. I had the same personality, moral standards and sense of humor I had when I was heavy.
Although being overweight is unhealthy, it doesn't mean an overweight person is not worth knowing.
Unfortunately, we live in a "visual" world where people cannot see us for what we are inside.
Perhaps "Abnormal in California" should consider dating overweight women instead of those with "body perfect" figures. He could then be sure they would have something in common with him, and they could see each other for who they really are.
My husband is overweight, and he is the most wonderful friend and companion a woman could have. -- C.A.A. IN DELAWARE
DEAR ABBY: Recently I left a pot of rice on the stove too long. By the time I remembered it, the pot was smoking. Last week, a friend of mine accidentally started a grease fire in her kitchen. I heard many tragic news reports over the holidays about Christmas trees causing fires and heartbreak in what should have been a joyful season.
Abby, I'd like to pass on a suggestion that was made to me after my close call with the rice: Every home should have at least one fire extinguisher. The new ones are inexpensive and come with easy-to-follow instructions. Learn how to use it as soon as you get it home, then put it in plain sight. If you buy only one, the kitchen is the best place to keep it.
I have decided to purchase fire extinguishers as gifts for the weddings, housewarmings and graduations I know I'll be invited to this year. What better way to say, "I care about you"?
Thanks, Abby, for printing my letter and for the love and concern you have shown for others over the years. -- WISER NOW
DEAR WISER: Thank you for a practical suggestion that may save lives. Fire extinguishers should not be considered a replacement for smoke detectors, but rather as an additional important tool for home fire prevention.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HONESTY IS ALIVE AND WELL IN STATE FULL OF ALOHA SPIRIT
DEAR ABBY: Recently my sweetheart left all his credit cards, two checkbooks and $300 in cash in the basket of a shopping cart in the parking lot of a large supermarket. This was in a poor neighborhood with a high unemployment rate where many people are living on the ragged edge of poverty.
Two hours later, with little hope of recovering his money and credit cards, he went back to the store. Imagine his surprise to learn that somebody had turned in his credit cards, checkbooks and the $300 in cash!
In Keaau, Hawaii, where this occurred, they call it "the Aloha spirit"; in the rest of the country, we call it human dignity and integrity. -- L.P., OLYMPIA, WASH.
DEAR L.: Thank you for a letter that reinforces the fact that there are still people in this world with integrity.
How unfortunate that the person who turned in the checkbooks, credit cards and cash didn't leave his or her name or telephone number in order to receive a thank-you or a well-deserved reward.
DEAR ABBY: About eight months ago, I started dating a man I'll call Wayne. He had been divorced for two years and told me I was the first woman he had dated since his divorce.
Soon after we started having sex, I had a gynecological exam that showed that I had chlamydia. When I told Wayne, he said he got it from his ex-wife. He also said the doctor told him chlamydia can remain dormant for years.
Wayne is 16 years older than I am. I love him, but I don't know what to think about this disease and our future together. Please help me. -- NO NAME
DEAR NO NAME: Chlamydia is treatable, so it should not prevent you from having a future with the man you love.
As I have written in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," chlamydia, herpes and genital warts are the three most common sexually transmitted diseases. Chlamydia is the No. 1 sexually transmitted bacterial infection in the United States. It's conservatively estimated that 3 million to 4 million people get it every year.
Fifty percent of its victims experience no symptoms until months or years later, when they develop complications. The only way many learn they have chlamydia is from a partner who is sufficiently responsible and mature to inform them that they have been exposed and should be tested.
A male may notice a discharge or a burning and itching sensation when urinating.
The symptoms in women can be vaginal discharge, itching or unusual pain and/or low-grade fever. If you suspect you have chlamydia, be tested by a doctor. It is treatable, but the doctor's instructions must be followed to the letter. A follow-up examination is necessary to be certain that the cure is complete.
To prevent reinfection and complications, your partner(s) must be tested even if there are no symptoms.
Chlamydia can be avoided by abstinence or the use of a condom.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)