DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office, seven women and one man. The holiday tradition is that the boss and his wife host a holiday dinner in their home for the staff. Last year was my first time to attend.
I was taught from childhood that when you go to someone's home for a party, you bring the hostess a gift -- which I did, along with a small gift for their only child. These gifts were not very expensive and our hosts seemed to be appreciative. The staff contributed to a joint gift for the boss.
Upon returning to the office the next work day, I was told by one of the longtime employees, "We don't buy gifts for the boss's wife and daughter." When you work in an environment of female employees, there can be a lot of back-stabbing, which I don't want to be a part of in any way. Now I don't know what to do about this this year. I would feel very awkward arriving empty-handed, and yet I don't want it to look like I'm seeking brownie points.
Although I won't be comfortable with this decision, I won't take a gift this year, but what should I do next year? Help me if you can, please. -- SHOULD ETIQUETTE PREVAIL?
DEAR SHOULD: It is gracious to give the hostess a gift, but in order to avoid conflict with your co-workers, you could send it a day or two after the party. (And though it's also thoughtful to send the child a gift, it's not necessary.)