For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN WHO HELPED HITCHIKERS PUT HIS LIFE IN THEIR HANDS
DEAR ABBY: When I saw that letter from "Worried," whose husband picks up hitchhikers, I had to write. He may do it because it makes him feel good, but he should listen to his wife. Or maybe he would rather hear it from me. I've had firsthand experience.
My grandfather was also a kind man. One day that kindness led to tragedy. He had always said if he needed a ride, he hoped someone would pick him up. One day, he saw a young man walking on the highway "thumbing" a ride. My grandfather couldn't ignore the man, so he gave him a ride. That was the last ride my grandfather gave anybody. He was brutally beaten to death. He was thrown into a ditch, with only a blanket to cover him. His body was discovered a week later by a bus full of schoolchildren returning from spring vacation.
Because of his age and "good behavior," my grandfather's killer served only a few years for his crime.
"Worried" should ask her husband to read this letter. Perhaps then he will realize that someday my grandfather's story may be his own. I know how this hurt our family. I hope my letter will save another family from a similar tragedy. -- CONCERNED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR CONCERNED: I, too, hope your letter will serve as a warning to other kindhearted but misguided souls.
Never pick up a hitchhiker. If someone appears stranded on a street or highway, the prudent way to lend assistance is to notify the police, sheriff or highway patrol.
DEAR ABBY: As a professional who works with grieving individuals on a daily basis, I would like to offer another opinion to the person who wrote you advising that food brought to grieving people be brought in disposable containers or "garage sale castoffs" rather than in containers that need to be returned.
Abby, returning the empty container is the important part. It becomes a way for the grieving individual to have contact with the person who sent the food. That subsequent contact may be more needed than the food that came in the container.
People who are grieving need contact with others, and this is a good way to get it. -- PAUL V. JOHNSON, DIRECTOR OF AFTERCARE SERVICES, ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR MR. JOHNSON: You make an excellent point.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to a recent letter in your column regarding dental patients who do not brush their teeth before their dental appointments.
I can understand the dental hygienist's chagrin. But I want to know what to say to a dentist when he has bad breath. On occasion, my dentist could use some mouthwash -- but I just don't know how to tell him. Do you have any ideas? -- GAGGING IN OHIO
DEAR GAGGING: How you tell people they have bad breath is not a problem. It's whether you have the courage to tell them that could be a problem.
If your relationship with the dentist is cordial, you might smile and say, "What's it going to be -- a mint, some mouthwash or a mask?" If you've caught your dentist unaware, the next question will be, "What do you mean?" to which you can respond, "You're about to wilt me with your dragon's breath."
Trustee of College Makes Classes His No. 1 Priority
DEAR ABBY: May I add to your continuing saga of persons "too old to go back to school"?
At the age of 64 and having only a 1937 diploma from an apprentice training school, I decided to enroll in a new weekend college program at Findlay (Ohio) College -- now the University of Findlay. The result? In 1985, at the age of 69, I was granted dual B.A. diplomas engraved "Cum Laude," which meant a five-year grade-point average of 3.56 on a scale of 4.0. My degrees are in business administration and information systems analysis (meaning computers).
My "excuse" for going to college at the age of 64 was to find out what I did right in business for 33 years. The secondary reason was to prove to myself that I was an "A" student -- which I accomplished by making the dean's list the second semester.
Because the dean of the college knew I expected to be treated like any other student, we both laughed about the professor who rushed into the dean's office and exclaimed, "I have a trustee of the college in my class! What do I do?" When the dean told me about it, my response was, "I hope you told him to fail me if I didn't do the work." To which the dean replied, "That is exactly what I told him." -- WAYNE I. PRIBBLE, NEW HAVEN, IND.
DEAR MR. PRIBBLE: Your letter proves it's never too late to resume one's education. We're never too old to learn as long as we're willing to make the effort. Congratulations on your accomplishment.
DEAR ABBY: "Wally" and I have been married for 15 years. We've had our ups and have been through some difficult situations. We support each other and care deeply, but there's one problem we cannot agree on.
Wally loves our house and has decided that all the walls should be painted white. We don't paint that often, but now that we've made some improvements to our home, it's time to paint again.
I would like to get away from the all-white look and consider using wallpaper. I've brought home wallpaper sample books and paint color charts, but all he'll say is that white looks best. He refuses to look through the books or compromise in any way.
We have lived in this white house for 12 years, and I think it's time I had my way. I could wait until he goes on a business trip and redecorate while he's gone, but that would be dishonest. I'm home more than he is since our children have come along. What should I do? -- COLORLESS IN NEWBURYPORT, MASS.
DEAR COLORLESS: An interior decorator who is used to sales resistance may help you convince Wally that a dash of color will liven up the place. Keep in mind that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. A decorator can help you "accessorize" your home with accents of color and texture, making it more visually interesting and less sterile. The bathrooms and kitchens would be the least threatening places to begin.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -- THEODORE ROOSEVELT
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ORGAN DONATION TURNS TRAGEDY INTO TRIUMPH FOR TWO FAMILIES
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from Sen. Bill Frist urging people to become organ donors, and I want to tell you our personal experience.
Our precious daughter, age 19 and a National Merit Scholar, was killed in an automobile accident in September. While at college, she signed an organ donor card, and I knew about her wishes.
When the doctor told us there was no hope, my husband and I received comfort from being able to tell the doctors that our daughter had signed an organ donor card, and we wanted to carry out her last wishes. The coordinator, a registered nurse who took us through the procedure, could not have been kinder. She told us she would stay with our daughter the entire time, and that our daughter would be treated with every consideration.
Although we cannot bring back our wonderful child, it gives my husband and me great solace to know that somewhere out there, families are giving thanks for the new chance at life they have received. During her lifetime, our daughter brought joy and happiness to her family and friends. Through the gift of her organs, she continued to do so for others.
I urge all of your readers to sign and carry an organ donor card. -- COMFORTED MOTHER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR COMFORTED MOTHER: My sincere condolences to you and your family on the tragic loss of your beloved daughter. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience so that an important message can be heard. I hope the following letter of gratitude will help illustrate what an enormous difference organ donation can make in the lives of the recipients and the people who love them:
DEAR ABBY: Your letter from Sen. Bill Frist really hit home. The day before it appeared in your column, our son-in-law finally got the call for which we had been waiting almost two years: A kidney from a 28-year-old woman was being flown in from the East Coast to Minneapolis for our daughter, who has been diabetic for 20 years. The last five years have been increasingly difficult, from kidney failure to loss of her eyesight. You can't imagine the gift this woman and her family have given us through the donation of her kidney.
In our joy, we now turn to the family of the donor in their sorrow. We want them to know how grateful we are for this gift of life. In that giving, their daughter will live on in ours. You will all be in our prayers. -- L.A.S., INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, MINN.
DEAR READERS: Now is a good time to search your hearts and add your name to the lists of those who wish to give the gift of life to someone who desperately needs a transplant.
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for referring readers all over the world to Al-Anon. Al-Anon saved my life.
I had become submerged in my husband's alcoholism because I was addicted to him. The Al-Anon program and the wonderful people in it taught me that I was a person in my own right and that whatever my husband chose to do was his right.
I had the choice to stay, or not to stay. I chose to stay.
Other Al-Anon members become strong enough to leave and smart enough not to pick up another alcoholic to take care of.
My husband finally wanted what I had: a happy life. He now has seven years of sobriety. -- SAVED BY AL-ANON
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)