To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Sharing Is the Secret Sauce to Make This Day Special
DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day, so here's my traditional Thanksgiving column.
Take a few minutes to think about what you have to be thankful for:
How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)
If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.
How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.
Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, call someone. Go out of your way to do something nice for somebody. It's a sure cure for the blues.
Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern -- concern for fair play under the law. Your country may not be a rose garden, but it also is not a patch of weeds.
Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.
As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:
O, heavenly Father,
We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service.
That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God bless you and yours. -- LOVE, ABBY
An afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the post-holiday blues is to do something nice for someone. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him (or her) over for dinner?
Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Many older people don't drive, and those who do don't like to go out alone after dark.)
Try it. And let me know the results.
P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my Thanksgiving prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.
Adoptees' Need to Know Is Both Emotional and Medical
DEAR ABBY: A letter recently appeared in your column from a mother who was upset because the birth mother of her adopted daughter had written to her requesting to meet the girl.
I am an adoptee who is actively involved in helping other adoptees and birth mothers with their searches. I believe you replied correctly in advising the mother to tell her daughter about the letter she received. However, I think your advice should have included, in addition, a message about the importance of knowing about the medical history and the current medical condition of the birth mother. If the girl still does not wish to meet her birth mother, that's fine. But the adoptive mother and the birth mother should remain in contact with each other so that if a medical necessity should arise, or should the girl change her mind, contact could be made.
The need to know about our biological roots varies among adoptees and surfaces at different times in our lives. But it will eventually become an issue. No matter how good our relationship with our parents, or how much we are loved, there's a basic need in all adoptees to know who we are, who we look like and the circumstances behind our relinquishment.
It usually has no reflection on how we were raised, and a child's finding a birth parent is not to be feared as many adoptive parents believe. No one will ever take the place of Mom and Dad. If a "find" results in a relationship, then all the better. Often there are other siblings to be gained, or at least half-brothers or sisters, and there is always enough love to go around.
This has always been a sensitive issue and one that we are just beginning to learn how to deal with. You may use my name. -- GARY STRODE, TULSA, OKLA.
DEAR GARY: There are many sound reasons for encouraging and facilitating reunions between birth parents and their children. An opportunity for them to meet should be made available if both parties are willing. The secrecy that once shrouded adoption is no longer necessary now that society has come to understand that a pregnancy outside of marriage is not an unforgivable crime.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to a letter you published from "Bothered Brother," about the way his brother "Mike" treats the employees at their small firm.
Just because Mike is the boss doesn't mean he can be a bully. The highest incidence of workers' compensation lawsuits currently under litigation are: 1) intentional tort; 2) stress, embarrassment, humiliation; 3) violence in the workplace. Since "tort" is defined as damage, injury or a wrongful act done willfully or negligently, the No. 1 reason applies to Mike. Stress, embarrassment and humiliation are a given in this case.
If a supervisor hits or physically abuses an employee, the supervisor and the company can be sued by the employee. In this case, workers' compensation insurance would not protect the company or the owners. It is "Bothered Brother's" responsibility to keep his brother in check because it is his company, too. And all three reasons could be used by a sharp attorney to convince one of the employees to take the company to court. Since Mike throws his tantrums in front of the entire workforce, there are many witnesses -- most of whom have probably been yelled at themselves and who might want to retaliate.
I'm not an attorney, but I am a supervisor of eight people, and I would be fired on the spot if I acted that way at our company. -- CAUTIOUS BOSS IN INDIANAPOLIS
DEAR CAUTIOUS BOSS: Thank you for the input. Your letter may have a chilling effect on more than one hotheaded employer.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Friendly Hospital Handshake Can Unleash Enemy Germs
DEAR ABBY: I have never seen this subject in your column -- shaking hands with patients in hospitals. There has been a lot of information to the effect that we transmit germs when we shake hands with, hug or otherwise touch others.
When I visit patients in a hospital, I refuse to shake hands with them. I tell them they have enough troubles now and they do not need me bringing new and different germs to complicate their problems.
It would seem to me that hospitals would discourage the practice of shaking hands with patients. I would hope that the doctors would support this policy.
Thank you for listening to me. You may use my name. -- HARRY C. WILLIAMS JR., NASHVILLE, TENN.
DEAR MR. WILLIAMS: The doctors do support you in that policy. I recall an infection awareness campaign that was sponsored by the Mayo Clinic (that medical mecca in Minnesota) in which posters were displayed throughout the hospital corridors. Upon each was illustrated a pair of hands, and beneath, the terse message: "The 10 Most Common Causes of Infection."
As a reminder to doctors, nurses and employees of the Mayo Clinic to wash their hands frequently, other posters were displayed bearing this catchy message: "A milligram of handwashing is worth a kilogram of antibiotics." Obviously, the same goes for visitors.
DEAR ABBY: When a very dear relative died several years ago, she left me a small inheritance that I shared with my family and church.
I also bought my closest friend a simple, yet beautiful piece of jewelry, which I have seen her wear only three times over the years. This makes me very sad. I would like to offer to buy it back from my friend. I would wear it often and it would mean a lot to me, as it was originally purchased with my loved one's money.
Abby, is this reasonable, or do you think it would be resented? My friend and I are still close, and I wouldn't hurt her feelings for the world. -- SAD IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR SAD: Yes, offer to buy it back from your friend. I cannot imagine her being resentful or hurt; she probably would be delighted to give it to you. But you have nothing to lose by offering to buy it.
DEAR ABBY: A possible solution to "A Floridian" who wants his remains to remain in Florida while his adult children want him buried next to their mother, his first wife:
Request cremation, and have half the ashes buried in Florida and the other half with the children's mother.
Abby, believe it or not, where to put the remains can be a painful issue. I've got three places I "need to be" after I'm dead (just like in life, huh?), and this is a great solution.
Also, ashes do not have to be scattered. They can be buried, kept on a mantel or subdivided like real estate. -- TRULY SCATTERED IN OREGON
DEAR TRULY SCATTERED: There's wisdom in what you suggest. Better a half-ashed interment than none at all.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)