To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
GIFT OF LITERACY CAN BEGIN WITH HOLIDAY BOOKS FOR KIDS
DEAR ABBY: During the holidays, many communities sponsor programs in which people buy new toys or clothes for needy children. Many of these children come from homes where there are no books.
An ongoing cycle of illiteracy haunts children on the edges of poverty. When teachers ask their students to bring a favorite book to class to share, these children show up with an advertisement or a coupon book because they have no books at home.
Abby, please help these children learn to love books and reading. If your readers are buying toys or clothes for needy children, please ask them to consider tucking in one or two children's books. -- D.W. IN RENO, NEV.
DEAR D.W.: I'm sure many readers will agree it's a great idea. Books make excellent gifts.
DEAR ABBY: Whoever gave you the misinformation regarding dinner table protocol that you passed on to "Serious in Boston" needs retraining themselves.
I'm a former embassy butler, and please know that the signal conveyed to a trained server, as you described the positioning of cutlery and plate (knife and fork together diagonally across the upper right rim of the plate), would be that the diner would appreciate being offered another helping.
To indicate that you are finished and wish the plate removed, the cutlery should be placed straight upon the plate, perpendicular to the diner, as clock hands at half past six, with the knife upon the right with the blade edge toward the fork.
If you are being attended by properly trained staff, it can avoid embarrassment to know what signals you are sending to the server.
Most sincerely at your service ... RUGGLES OF RED GAP
DEAR RUGGLES: Thank you for speaking up. Concerned that I had misled my readers, I consulted several more etiquette books. "The New Emily Post's Etiquette," by Elizabeth L. Post, states: "When you have finished the main course, the knife and fork are placed beside each other on the dinner plate DIAGONALLY FROM UPPER LEFT TO LOWER RIGHT. (Emphasis mine.) The handles extend slightly over the edge of the plate."
"The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette Entirely Rewritten and Updated," by Nancy Tuckerman and Nancy Dunnan, says, "Put your fork and knife across the center of your plate ON A DIAGONAL SLANT when you have finished eating."
Letitia Baldrige, whom I telephoned, told me that the flatware should be placed on the right rim of the plate, straight up and down -- not diagonally.
I can only conclude that the best way to signal that you have finished eating is to speak up and tell the server that you would like your plate removed.
Read on for a thought-provoking letter from a reader who offers a different perspective:
DEAR ABBY: While I have never written to you before, the letter from "Serious in Boston" -- whose English-born and reared ladyfriend criticized him for pushing his plate to the center of the table when he had finished eating -- really got under my skin.
In view of what is going on in this world today, just how important is it to place the knife and fork in a certain way in order to signal the server to remove your plate? Give me a break! I say, "Tell the lady to go back to England and eat with the Queen!"
I get a lot more upset about how few people have food to put on their plates, plates to put on their tables and roofs over their heads. -- MARY A. SLOAN, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: My name is Petunia, and I am the pot-bellied pig who was featured in your Oct. 14 column in the letter from my neighbor who signed herself "Peeved at Petunia in Elgin, Okla." I would like to tell my side of the story.
I have lived with my owner since I was 1 month old. I am now a year and a half. I consider myself to be a neighborhood pig. I live on a dead-end road out in the country, and my owner would let me out every morning and I would go visiting. I have eight neighbors, plus four horses and various cows, and I would call upon them during the day and meet my owner at home at 4:30 every afternoon when she returned from work.
People would tell her about feeding me and how much they enjoyed me, especially the families with kids. I did venture across the highway into town once, but that ended very badly. I spent the night in an outdoor dog pound with big, scary, barking dogs all around. That certainly won't happen again.
As to the charges that I chewed the roots of my neighbors' melon vines and strawberry plants -- I was framed. One neighbor who thought I had been tearing up her yard and flowerbed told my owner a few weeks ago that she had caught an armadillo in her front yard, rooting it up. She said there had been two of them staying under an empty trailer across the road.
In my defense, I think the armadillos were partly to blame for the destruction of the strawberry plants. Yes, I love berries and melon, but I don't destroy plants and roots. It is a sad day in a pig's life when we have to stoop to eating roots. That armadillo visited during the night and destroyed the plants, and when I made my usual early morning rounds, I was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
My owner is a conscientious pet owner and tries to be a good neighbor. If anyone had complained about me, she would have kept me in the house, but no one did. When "Peeved" (who usually fed me biscuits) called my owner one night and said I had destroyed her melons and berries, that was the end of my freedom. I was under house arrest. I was introduced to my first leash and harness, and my owner called the fence company the next day. We were put off by three fence companies for a month, and finally, the third fence guy came out and fenced the back yard. I have not been out on my own since the complaint, with the exception of one time when I created an escape route -- which my owners promptly plugged.
I apologize for the problems I caused, but with my fence and leash, it won't happen again. (And someone needs to pull that armadillo in for questioning.) -- INCARCERATED IN ELGIN, OKLA. (A.K.A. PETUNIA)
DEAR INCARCERATED (A.K.A. PETUNIA): Your apology is accepted, and now that you have your own turf, everyone hopes your wandering days are over. Don't think of it as false imprisonment; think of it as a permanent alibi.
DEAR ABBY: Add this to your collection of random acts of kindness:
A boy in our town had three kidney transplants; two failed, the third was successful. When he was at his sickest, the local florist decorated his hospital room.
One might have expected flowers, balloons or a fruit basket, but the florist contacted some of the boy's favorite sports teams who sent him autographed pictures and posters. He probably still doesn't know who was responsible.
This happened several years ago, and the young man is doing very well and is a blessing to all who know him. -- PROUD IN PENNSYLVANIA
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
RESPONSIBLE KIDS ARE PROOF THAT YOUTH IS ON RIGHT TRACK
DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy a story that restores my faith in today's youth. When you read about all the children in gangs who rob, kill, and destroy property as well as their lives, I'm happy you won't read about my children.
I have five. They are 11 to 14 -- four girls (one set of twins) and a boy. I have kept them involved in all kinds of activities -- choir, band, sports, chores at home. They attend church with my father every Sunday. I have always hoped this could keep them out of trouble and on the right path. Their grades are good and they have aspirations of attending universities. That will be tough for a single parent like me to afford, but we'll manage. We always do.
Last spring, my 75-year-old father had two femoral bypass surgeries. One became severely infected, and he was hospitalized for a week not too long after the kids got out of school for the summer. When Dad was released from the hospital, the doctors wanted to put him in a nursing home because of the care he would require. His leg had to be flushed every four hours and his IV changed every eight hours. It meant around-the-clock nursing.
I work 10 to 14 hours a day, as does my roommate (a nurse). But I just couldn't put Dad in a home, and my kids wouldn't hear of it either. Here's what they did:
My 14-year-old, Elizabeth, packed up and moved into Dad's house. The nursing service and my roommate taught her how to take care of him. Kit, Kate and Ashley rode their bikes over there every day to wash, cook, clean, shop or whatever else was necessary. My 11-year-old son, Michael, would go over and mow the lawn, wash the car, etc. All of the younger children took turns watching TV or visiting with Dad so their big sister could get some much-needed sleep.
Their entire summer was devoted to taking care of the only man in their life. They skipped going to the movies, swimming with their friends at the city pool, visiting the mall, attending slumber parties and birthday parties, and everything else kids do in the summer. I was so proud of my children.
I'm happy to tell you that my father attended the twins' football game yesterday, beaming with pride for all five of his grandchildren.
I know this is a long letter, and I certainly don't expect you to print it. I just wanted to share it with you, to let you know that there are still some good kids out there. -- JANE RIGGS, PHOENIX
DEAR JANE: Thank you for your heartwarming letter. Your children are to be commended for their maturity and generosity, as well as their ability to shoulder responsibility -- traits they obviously learned from you.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing to thank you for publishing the letter from John A. Hardaway from Leavenworth, Kan. He wrote about the signs of cardiovascular disease. I want to thank him also.
For years, I had a burning sensation in my throat when I walked up inclines. I dismissed it because it went away after I reached the top and rested. (Ann Arbor has a lot of inclines and I do a lot of walking.)
After I read Mr. Hardaway's letter, I immediately called my doctor for an appointment. He gave me a stress test and the catheterization that proved I had three blocked arteries!
I am having surgery in 10 days. That letter was a lifesaver. -- MARION ANHERT, ANN ARBOR, MICH.
DEAR MARION: I'm sure that John Hardaway will be as heartened as I was to learn that his letter has saved yet another life.
Good luck with your surgery, Marion. I wish you many more healthy, happy years.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.