Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
RESPONSIBLE KIDS ARE PROOF THAT YOUTH IS ON RIGHT TRACK
DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy a story that restores my faith in today's youth. When you read about all the children in gangs who rob, kill, and destroy property as well as their lives, I'm happy you won't read about my children.
I have five. They are 11 to 14 -- four girls (one set of twins) and a boy. I have kept them involved in all kinds of activities -- choir, band, sports, chores at home. They attend church with my father every Sunday. I have always hoped this could keep them out of trouble and on the right path. Their grades are good and they have aspirations of attending universities. That will be tough for a single parent like me to afford, but we'll manage. We always do.
Last spring, my 75-year-old father had two femoral bypass surgeries. One became severely infected, and he was hospitalized for a week not too long after the kids got out of school for the summer. When Dad was released from the hospital, the doctors wanted to put him in a nursing home because of the care he would require. His leg had to be flushed every four hours and his IV changed every eight hours. It meant around-the-clock nursing.
I work 10 to 14 hours a day, as does my roommate (a nurse). But I just couldn't put Dad in a home, and my kids wouldn't hear of it either. Here's what they did:
My 14-year-old, Elizabeth, packed up and moved into Dad's house. The nursing service and my roommate taught her how to take care of him. Kit, Kate and Ashley rode their bikes over there every day to wash, cook, clean, shop or whatever else was necessary. My 11-year-old son, Michael, would go over and mow the lawn, wash the car, etc. All of the younger children took turns watching TV or visiting with Dad so their big sister could get some much-needed sleep.
Their entire summer was devoted to taking care of the only man in their life. They skipped going to the movies, swimming with their friends at the city pool, visiting the mall, attending slumber parties and birthday parties, and everything else kids do in the summer. I was so proud of my children.
I'm happy to tell you that my father attended the twins' football game yesterday, beaming with pride for all five of his grandchildren.
I know this is a long letter, and I certainly don't expect you to print it. I just wanted to share it with you, to let you know that there are still some good kids out there. -- JANE RIGGS, PHOENIX
DEAR JANE: Thank you for your heartwarming letter. Your children are to be commended for their maturity and generosity, as well as their ability to shoulder responsibility -- traits they obviously learned from you.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing to thank you for publishing the letter from John A. Hardaway from Leavenworth, Kan. He wrote about the signs of cardiovascular disease. I want to thank him also.
For years, I had a burning sensation in my throat when I walked up inclines. I dismissed it because it went away after I reached the top and rested. (Ann Arbor has a lot of inclines and I do a lot of walking.)
After I read Mr. Hardaway's letter, I immediately called my doctor for an appointment. He gave me a stress test and the catheterization that proved I had three blocked arteries!
I am having surgery in 10 days. That letter was a lifesaver. -- MARION ANHERT, ANN ARBOR, MICH.
DEAR MARION: I'm sure that John Hardaway will be as heartened as I was to learn that his letter has saved yet another life.
Good luck with your surgery, Marion. I wish you many more healthy, happy years.
Mixed Signals Can Muddle Patient's Visit With Doctor
DEAR ABBY: Please share something with medical professionals that will be of immense help to their patients:
When telling patients to perform an action -- "Stand on tiptoe, squat, turn this way or that, cough," etc. -- and it is essential for your diagnosis that they tell you whether it hurts or not -- ASK THEM!
I have more than once been cut off from essential medical treatment because I did not realize that the doctor, dentist, physical therapist, etc. had assumed that an action was pain-free because I didn't say "OUCH!" (I didn't say it because I didn't know I was expected to, and having a fairly stoic personality, I don't complain about every pain I experience.)
A similar lack of communication has been mentioned by several friends who have been asked, "Have you ever had such and such medication before?" They have simply replied, "Yes," without realizing that the care provider assumes that they will mention any bad reaction they had to the medication. Since doctors can't read minds, patients may wind up being re-dosed with something they are allergic to.
Remember, most of your patients have never been to medical or nursing school, so they don't know the reason for your questions unless you tell them. -- ROSEMARIE ESKES, ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR MRS. ESKES: On behalf of all medical professionals and their patients, I thank you. But I would like to add another thought: If a patient has a bad reaction to a prescribed medication, it is the patient's responsibility to notify the doctor immediately so that information can become a part of his or her medical file.
Also, when patients are being treated for a chronic problem, it is a good idea for them to keep a daily diary for the doctor, because often when patients get to the doctor's office, they become nervous or distracted and forget to tell the doctor about symptoms that might be important.
DEAR ABBY: We have a wonderful nanny who looks after our two preschool children 35 hours a week. It took us three months, 24 candidates and $1,200 to get her.
Another preschool mom and I share driving responsibilities. (I'll call her "Mrs. Jones.") Well, when Mrs. Jones picked up our daughter one morning, she asked our nanny if she would be interested in working part-time for a friend of hers. Abby, I am very offended by this. I feel it would have been a common courtesy to ask us before mentioning this to our nanny.
Our nanny is not simply an employee; she is a member of our extended family. We went through a lot of time and expense to find her, and we do not appreciate Mrs. Jones assuming that she is available for a part-time job.
Please tell me what you think of this. -- LONGTIME READER, BLOOMINGTON, MINN.
DEAR LONGTIME READER: I think Mrs. Jones was out of line to have approached your nanny about part-time employment without discussing it with you first.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: With the holidays coming up, please do your readers a favor and print your pecan pie recipe again. Although I had my own absolute, no-holds-barred favorite recipe, I decided to give yours a try -- and my whole family raved, saying it was the best they had ever tasted. I had to agree, Abby, and your recipe is now my No. 1 choice.
I think you should print it every year around this time, when pecan pie is so popular as a holiday dessert. NANCY IN CULVER CITY, CALIF.
DEAR NANCY: I'm delighted that you and your family enjoyed it, because it is one of my all-time favorite recipes. Although it is included in my "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes" booklet, it has been a while since I've put it in my column. So in the spirit of the holiday season, here it is. There's none better!
ABBY'S FAMOUS PECAN PIE
* 9-inch unbaked pie crust
* 1 cup light corn syrup
* 1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
* 3 eggs, slightly beaten
* 1/3 cup butter, melted
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
* 1 heaping cup pecan halves
Heat oven to 350 degrees.
In a large bowl, combine corn syrup, sugar, eggs, butter, salt and vanilla; mix well. Pour filling into unbaked pie crust; sprinkle with pecan halves.
Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes or until center is set. (Toothpick inserted in center will come out clean when pie is "done.") Cool. If crust or pie appears to be getting too brown, cover with foil for the remaining baking time.
You can top it with a bit of whipped cream, but even plain -- nothing tops this!
Serves: 8 to 10.
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I hope you can help me with. My husband is a terrific guy and I love him dearly. He is well-educated, clean, well-groomed, handsome and, most important, he is a good daddy. However, he insists on "helping" me around the house with everything from diapers to laundry, cooking to clean-up, the yard work and even homework. Too good to be true?
Well, it's true, but nothing is done to my liking. The diapers are thrown into a trash can in the baby's room, not taken to the garage where they belong. The laundry is "dingy." Meals are either underdone or overcooked, and the clean-up is a "lick and a promise."
How do I tell this wonderful, thoughtful man, "Thanks, but no thanks?"
I appreciate his efforts, but it's often more work undoing his mistakes than just doing it myself. Please help. -- HIS WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Your husband deserves high praise for his efforts. But if his results are not to your liking, it is your responsibility to show him how his efforts can be improved upon. Examples: If the diapers are creating a problem in the baby's room, explain why it's important that they be taken to the garbage. If the laundry is "dingy," explain that it is necessary to wash the white and colored items separately. Showing him how to follow a recipe and use exact measurements should improve his culinary skills. It may take patience, but the results should be spectacular.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)