DEAR ABBY: Applause! Thank you for pointing out to "Knows What I'm Doing" that she is, at 21, too old to be seriously involved with a 16-year-old boy. It is the responsibility of adults to control their own behavior so that they don't put children and adolescents in harmful situations.
Too often people dismiss adult women courting teen-aged boys as something to wink at and joke about, when in fact, in some states it would be considered sexual abuse. Regardless of the laws of the state in which they live, "Ben" is still growing, developing and learning the ins and outs of being an adult. The attention of this 21-year-old woman can distort or interrupt his normal path to adulthood.
If the relationship is based on mutual interests and friendships, then she should be adult enough to allow the young man to reach full maturity before putting him in a sexual situation -- such as being alone with her without supervision.
I would ask "Knows What I'm Doing" to think about herself at the age of 16 and reflect on how much she has grown since then. She should also think about the fact that 16-year-old boys (and some girls that age) still need the protection and guidance parents provide. It was immature and irresponsible for the young woman to put "Ben" in the position of challenging or breaking his parents' rules. -- MARGARET CRITES, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, RAPE CRISIS CENTER OF ROBESON COUNTY, LUMBERTON, N.C.