What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
GRANDMA GETS BOUQUET OF THORNS FOR TACKY WEDDING BEHAVIOR
DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a formal wedding where I witnessed something I thought was outrageous. When it came time for the bride to toss her bouquet, the bride's grandmother, who is well into her 70s, shoved the bridesmaids and young cousins of the bride aside and caught the bridal bouquet. Everyone was bewildered!
When it came time for the groom to toss the bride's garter, none of the young men tried to catch it, so it fell to the floor.
One young man was coaxed into picking it up and placing the garter on Grandma's leg. Obviously embarrassed, he put it on up to her knee when Grandma urged him to go higher until it reached her thigh. (Yes, she was sober.)
When one of the bridesmaids reminded Grandma that tossing the bouquet was a ritual intended for the young unmarried girls, Grandma shouted, "Well, I'm single!" Everyone applauded.
Abby, what do you think of Grandma's behavior? -- NEW JERSEY READER
DEAR READER: I think it was outrageous and inappropriate, although it did add some unforgettable frivolity to the wedding. (Are you sure Grandma was sober?)
DEAR ABBY: Unless you are willing to state unequivocally that the books and magazines you read and the movies you saw in your youth did not affect the way you conducted yourself, then your statement, "It's unrealistic to hold the media responsible for your daughter's morality ..." is unrealistic.
When I was a teen-ager, the movies and what I read had some influence on my behavior toward others. Today we see raw sex on TV as early as 7:00 in the evening, and magazines on supermarket shelves devoted almost entirely to sex. I have seen sexual innuendoes on many TV shows to such a degree that it destroys their humor. I have heard more foul language in one Eddie Murphy movie than I heard in my several years in the Navy -- ashore and at sea.
You cannot tell me that the language of the movies is not absorbed by teen-agers, resulting in unbelievable rudeness. And the sex scenes ARE going to reduce their inhibitions.
There is no way that "Concerned in Chicago's" daughter can avoid seeing or reading all of this. When our children said, "But everyone else is ..." we could say, "YOU are not going to ..." with neutral or positive influence by the media. Now the movies and the printed word tell them that such conduct is all right. -- ALEX R. THOMAS, SAN ANTONIO DEAR MR. THOMAS: It is the job of parents to supervise the exposure their impressionable children have to "the media" and to provide moral standards for them. Although the idea seems tempting, I am opposed to censorship. The family should provide the "filter" through which their children view society.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were shopping in a small pottery shop in a large city. I selected some merchandise that cost $80. As I stepped up to the counter, I realized I had used my last check. The store didn't accept credit cards, and I didn't have enough cash to cover the purchase. I was very disappointed, because I really wanted to buy the pottery.
Seeing my dismay, the owner suddenly told us to take the pottery and "just send me the money when you get home." I thought he was joking, but he waved off my attempt to give him identification or an IOU. We left the store with the pottery, still owing the money. Of course, the moment I got home I wrote a check and mailed it.
Believe it or not, this happened in the Greenwich Village section of New York City. I am sure people would like to know there are still some trusting people in such a large city. -- CINDY CARNEY, DENVILLE, N.J.
DEAR CINDY: Thank you for an upper of a letter. What a positive message with which to begin the new year!
Mom Learns Shocking Lesson Through Daughter's Close Call
DEAR ABBY: Please consider reprinting this shocking "key" story. I am a 72-year-old grandmother who loves children. You may use my name. -- ESTHER ZUERCHER, WOOSTER, OHIO
DEAR ESTHER: Thank you for the reminder. This story serves as an important warning to parents of small children. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I was cleaning house when Kiki, my 2-year-old daughter, kept interrupting, so to keep her busy I gave her my car keys to play with; then I went back to work.
About 10 minutes later, I heard a loud thud, followed by a frightened little cry, so I assumed Kiki had climbed up on a kitchen chair and had fallen off. She came running to me with her arms outstretched, wanting me to hold her. I picked her up and told her to be careful on the kitchen chairs, noticed that her eyes were a little bloodshot, put her down after she stopped crying and returned to my housework.
About 10 minutes later, I went into the kitchen and, to my horror, I saw my car keys had been inserted into the electrical socket! I kicked them out of the socket -- they were burned on the ends. The electrical current had burned a small hole in the baseboard and blown the fuse to the refrigerator!
She hadn't fallen off a chair -- she had been shocked so severely that she was knocked off her feet! How stupid of me to have given her my keys to play with.
Abby, by the grace of God, my daughter is still alive! Please warn your readers. -- KIKI'S MOM
DEAR MOM: Thank you for sharing your close call as a warning to others. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, sitters, are you listening?
DEAR ABBY: "Jack" and I have been married for two years. Last week on my way home from work, I took a side road past one of our town's more exclusive restaurants. I was surprised to see Jack's car parked outside. I didn't stop, but when I arrived home, I found a note saying, "Sweets, I'm out with the guys." I figured since I know all his friends, why not go back and join them?
I returned to the restaurant, and I saw Jack and my best friend ("Molly") leaving, arm and arm. When I confronted them, Jack said "the guys" had just left. Molly said she'd been dining with a girlfriend and ran into Jack just as she was leaving.
Now Molly isn't speaking to me, and Jack is furious that I was out alone that late. He refused to answer any questions about his being with Molly, and says he doesn't want to talk to someone who has no trust in him.
I'm very hurt, Abby. What should I do? -- FEELING BETRAYED
DEAR FEELING: If Jack has given you no reason to mistrust him since your marriage, give him the benefit of the doubt and drop the subject. You will know from Jack's behavior if you have cause to worry.
CONFIDENTIAL TO HOSTESS ON A BUDGET: It's not what you put on the table, it's what you put on the chairs that makes for a successful party. (Abigail Van Buren)
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Four months ago, I divorced my husband after I discovered he was having an affair. We had been married for many years. Since that time, my life has changed considerably, but there is one thing for which I was totally unprepared. I have been abandoned by my husband's family and our so-called friends.
I'm in a divorce-support group and have learned that abandonment is a common experience for divorced women. For some reason, this rarely happens to divorced men. Their social life flourishes.
Women in the process of divorce are often avoided for a variety of reasons: Friends may feel awkward because they don't know what to say; they may be embarrassed by the circumstances of the divorce, or may have known about the events which led to it and sided with the husband.
The point I want to make is this: If you know someone, especially a woman, who is going through a divorce, please don't avoid her. Even if you can't rush to her aid, a phone call, a note or a visit can make an enormous difference in her life. Sympathy can be conveyed without taking sides or becoming a party to mudslinging.
Please print my letter. If it helps even one person avoid some of the pain I have suffered, you will have performed a great service. -- RECENT DIVORCEE, NAUVOO, ALA.
DEAR DIVORCEE: With a large percentage of marriages ending in divorce in this country, men are also forced to make major social adjustments when a split occurs. Not all breakups are caused by infidelity.
Yours is a common problem; however, there are ways of turning the heartbreak from negative to positive. You now have the opportunity to make new friends and to begin building a new life for yourself. I wish you good luck and all the best.
DEAR ABBY: It wasn't my fault that I didn't get to serve on a jury panel. We were in the box waiting for the final question.
The lawyer asked me if there was any question he should have asked the other members of the panel or myself.
I said, "Yes, there is."
And he asked, "What's that?"
I replied, "You didn't ask if anyone could read lips."
His reply was rather curt, "And I suppose YOU can?"
My answer was equally brief: "Shall I repeat the conversation you just had with your client?"
His response was to say, "We respectfully ask that Juror No. 6 be excused." And excused I was. No one else knew what he had said to his client, and I wouldn't tell anyone because I was afraid I might cause a mistrial. Sign me ... WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD JUROR, CARSON, CALIF.
DEAR WOULD HAVE BEEN: Your integrity is commendable. I'll wager the lawyer includes that question in future jury selections.
DEAR ABBY: Those letters about cigarettes being thrown from moving vehicles gave me a good laugh recalling other objects thrown from moving cars -- such as a soda can that hit the helmet of a motorcycle cop. It was my head inside that helmet.
Although the incident was unintentional and the young man involved was very apologetic, the citation was easy for me to write.
Feel free to use my name. -- OFFICER J.A. CHESTER, PITTSBURG, KAN.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)