CONFIDENTIAL TO HOSTESS ON A BUDGET: It's not what you put on the table, it's what you put on the chairs that makes for a successful party. (Abigail Van Buren)
Mom Learns Shocking Lesson Through Daughter's Close Call
DEAR ABBY: Please consider reprinting this shocking "key" story. I am a 72-year-old grandmother who loves children. You may use my name. -- ESTHER ZUERCHER, WOOSTER, OHIO
DEAR ESTHER: Thank you for the reminder. This story serves as an important warning to parents of small children. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I was cleaning house when Kiki, my 2-year-old daughter, kept interrupting, so to keep her busy I gave her my car keys to play with; then I went back to work.
About 10 minutes later, I heard a loud thud, followed by a frightened little cry, so I assumed Kiki had climbed up on a kitchen chair and had fallen off. She came running to me with her arms outstretched, wanting me to hold her. I picked her up and told her to be careful on the kitchen chairs, noticed that her eyes were a little bloodshot, put her down after she stopped crying and returned to my housework.
About 10 minutes later, I went into the kitchen and, to my horror, I saw my car keys had been inserted into the electrical socket! I kicked them out of the socket -- they were burned on the ends. The electrical current had burned a small hole in the baseboard and blown the fuse to the refrigerator!
She hadn't fallen off a chair -- she had been shocked so severely that she was knocked off her feet! How stupid of me to have given her my keys to play with.
Abby, by the grace of God, my daughter is still alive! Please warn your readers. -- KIKI'S MOM
DEAR MOM: Thank you for sharing your close call as a warning to others. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, sitters, are you listening?
DEAR ABBY: "Jack" and I have been married for two years. Last week on my way home from work, I took a side road past one of our town's more exclusive restaurants. I was surprised to see Jack's car parked outside. I didn't stop, but when I arrived home, I found a note saying, "Sweets, I'm out with the guys." I figured since I know all his friends, why not go back and join them?
I returned to the restaurant, and I saw Jack and my best friend ("Molly") leaving, arm and arm. When I confronted them, Jack said "the guys" had just left. Molly said she'd been dining with a girlfriend and ran into Jack just as she was leaving.
Now Molly isn't speaking to me, and Jack is furious that I was out alone that late. He refused to answer any questions about his being with Molly, and says he doesn't want to talk to someone who has no trust in him.
I'm very hurt, Abby. What should I do? -- FEELING BETRAYED
DEAR FEELING: If Jack has given you no reason to mistrust him since your marriage, give him the benefit of the doubt and drop the subject. You will know from Jack's behavior if you have cause to worry.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Four months ago, I divorced my husband after I discovered he was having an affair. We had been married for many years. Since that time, my life has changed considerably, but there is one thing for which I was totally unprepared. I have been abandoned by my husband's family and our so-called friends.
I'm in a divorce-support group and have learned that abandonment is a common experience for divorced women. For some reason, this rarely happens to divorced men. Their social life flourishes.
Women in the process of divorce are often avoided for a variety of reasons: Friends may feel awkward because they don't know what to say; they may be embarrassed by the circumstances of the divorce, or may have known about the events which led to it and sided with the husband.
The point I want to make is this: If you know someone, especially a woman, who is going through a divorce, please don't avoid her. Even if you can't rush to her aid, a phone call, a note or a visit can make an enormous difference in her life. Sympathy can be conveyed without taking sides or becoming a party to mudslinging.
Please print my letter. If it helps even one person avoid some of the pain I have suffered, you will have performed a great service. -- RECENT DIVORCEE, NAUVOO, ALA.
DEAR DIVORCEE: With a large percentage of marriages ending in divorce in this country, men are also forced to make major social adjustments when a split occurs. Not all breakups are caused by infidelity.
Yours is a common problem; however, there are ways of turning the heartbreak from negative to positive. You now have the opportunity to make new friends and to begin building a new life for yourself. I wish you good luck and all the best.
DEAR ABBY: It wasn't my fault that I didn't get to serve on a jury panel. We were in the box waiting for the final question.
The lawyer asked me if there was any question he should have asked the other members of the panel or myself.
I said, "Yes, there is."
And he asked, "What's that?"
I replied, "You didn't ask if anyone could read lips."
His reply was rather curt, "And I suppose YOU can?"
My answer was equally brief: "Shall I repeat the conversation you just had with your client?"
His response was to say, "We respectfully ask that Juror No. 6 be excused." And excused I was. No one else knew what he had said to his client, and I wouldn't tell anyone because I was afraid I might cause a mistrial. Sign me ... WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD JUROR, CARSON, CALIF.
DEAR WOULD HAVE BEEN: Your integrity is commendable. I'll wager the lawyer includes that question in future jury selections.
DEAR ABBY: Those letters about cigarettes being thrown from moving vehicles gave me a good laugh recalling other objects thrown from moving cars -- such as a soda can that hit the helmet of a motorcycle cop. It was my head inside that helmet.
Although the incident was unintentional and the young man involved was very apologetic, the citation was easy for me to write.
Feel free to use my name. -- OFFICER J.A. CHESTER, PITTSBURG, KAN.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TROUBLE COMES IN SINGLES WHEN MAKING INVITATION LIST
DEAR ABBY: I sent my wedding invitations several weeks ago. This is the policy I followed: If a guest was married, engaged or living with someone, I invited the couple. If the guest was single but had dated someone for a long time, I invited both. About one-quarter of my guest list was made up of single, unattached adults who received invitations for themselves alone. I consulted several etiquette books, and not one said I was required to provide "and guest" invitations for singles. (Some authors clearly stated that it's presumptuous for a single guest to expect to bring a date.)
I've been planning this wedding for over a year, and my friends seemed enthusiastic about attending. Yesterday, however, I received "regrets" from three women who had previously accepted. "Alice" had only recently started seeing someone. "Betty" had just ended a relationship, and "Carla" is married, but a close friend of both Alice and Betty. I can only surmise that Alice was offended because she couldn't bring a date, and decided not to come -- so Betty and Carla declined also.
If they had a problem with the invitations, they should have spoken to me. I feel they have ended their relationships with me. Am I overreacting? -- HURT IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR HURT: I don't think so. Evidently Betty and Carla feel closer to Alice than they do to you. Be happy that you didn't invest more time and energy in cultivating these three insensitive women. A friend you can't count on is no friend at all. Celebrate without them.
DEAR ABBY: Recently you recommended Toastmasters International for adults who are shy and afraid to speak in public. Have you never heard of International Training in Communication? We were founded as a women-only club 51 years ago under the name of International Toastmistresses Clubs. At that time, Toastmasters was for men only. Both clubs were later forced to become co-ed. When that happened, the women flocked to join the men, although both clubs offered the same benefits.
Sensing that men would not care to be called "mistresses," in 1985, we changed our name to International Training in Communication, retaining the initials ITC.
I have been a member of ITC for more than 25 years. It has worked wonders for me because I can now stand up and speak when necessary without shaking knees. We learn far more than speechmaking. We gain overall self-improvement skills. The benefits are too numerous to recite.
To locate an ITC club in your area, call the Chamber of Commerce. Our clubs are located in every free country in the world! Please mention us, along with Toastmasters. Thank you. -- MARIECE HERRING, FORT WALTON BEACH, FLA.
DEAR MARIECE: A toast to you for alerting readers to International Training in Communication.
DEAR ABBY: The lighthearted trick, "I remember your name, but I can't think of your face," which causes the forgotten one to blurt out his name -- then laugh -- reminds me of a faux pas I made during a trip to Hawaii.
While writing postcards to the folks back home, I wrote the usual, "The scenery is beautiful, wish you were here," but I inadvertently wrote to my secretary, "The scenery is here, wish you were beautiful."
Luckily, she forgave me. -- GORDON MARTEN, GRASS VALLEY, CALIF.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)