To order Abby's booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Vacation Condo Busybodies Make Owners Long for Home
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Good Neighbor, Ventura, Calif.," prompts this letter. Who elected her to be the neighborhood cop? My wife and I own a condo in Florida. The majority of the owners use their condos only for short vacations and rent them out the rest of the year. The complex is beautiful, but the busybodies there drive us nuts. These full-timers, who occupy only 10 percent of the units, think the complex is their private domain.
The year-rounders are overly concerned about tenants who have unapproved sunshades on their balcony or who fail to get permission to fly the American flag from their sunporches on the Fourth of July. They complain to security about children playing on the lawns (which are not off- limits) and don't understand that people in the swimming pool like to laugh, splash and have a good time. These crabs and cranks have driven away repeat renters. They dominate homeowner board meetings and almost always get their way. All the owners in our complex are supposed to be equal, but it seems that some are more equal than others.
"Good Neighbor's" mother was right. She IS a busybody, and you should have told her to mind her own business. People like her make us wish we had invested somewhere else. I'm eligible for retirement, but there's no way I'd ever retire to a condominium. -- SUFFERING FROM A CONDO COMPLEX, PARAMUS, N.J.
DEAR SUFFERING: Reread my answer. I refrained from name-calling, but I did caution "Good Neighbor" to be judicious when informing on her neighbors, reminding her that disapproval is not justification for "turning people in."
I also stressed that law enforcement needs reliable, serious witnesses who are willing to report crimes. But to irresponsibly report minor infractions is a waste of important official time. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was outraged when I read the letter from "Good Neighbor, Ventura, Calif." I am a law enforcement officer, and those "whistle-blowers" actually do more harm than good.
It is true that law enforcement officers frequently rely on citizens to alert them when a crime has been committed. These people can offer good leads, be good witnesses and provide a sense of security among their neighbors.
However, these whistle-blowers often don't realize that it is not their place to decide whether or not it is appropriate for someone to park, stand or walk somewhere unless their actions are creating a danger -- and not just an inconvenience -- to someone else. We are bombarded with crimes far more serious than illegally parked cars. Our time is committed to catching real criminals, not responding to tattletales. Nobody likes a tattletale. -- FIGHTING "REAL" CRIME, MILWAUKEE
DEAR ABBY: Your column on forgiveness some months ago was very moving. It reminded me of something I clipped from your column about seven years ago:
FORGIVENESS
The friend who ran off with your wife
Forgive him for his lust;
The chum who sold you phony stocks,
Forgive his breach of trust;
The pal who schemed behind your back,
Forgive his evil work;
And when you're done, forgive yourself
For being such a jerk.
-- LONGTIME READER
DEAR READER: The poem carries a worthwhile message. Who among us, at one time or another, did not need forgiveness?
Reducing Volume of Junk Mail Helps to Preserve Environment
DEAR ABBY: All of us are disgusted with the amount of junk mail we receive. But it wasn't until I researched a speech for one of my classes that I realized the impact junk mail has had on our environment. Americans receive almost 2 million tons of junk mail daily! Fifty percent of it is never opened. That fact struck a chord with me. Now I'm making an effort to stop my junk mail.
I'd like to share some methods that work: First, contact an organization that provides the service of removing your name from mailing lists. Also, when you order anything (or receive junk mail that includes a self-addressed, stamped envelope), send a written request that the organization or company not add your name to its mailing list except for specific billing purposes related to your account. Also, state that you do not want your name given or sold to any other mailing lists, now or in the future.
To halt the delivery of catalogs, I have written a form letter on my computer and just fill in the new address, date it and drop it in the mail. It's also a good idea to keep a running list of companies to which you have sent the stop requests.
Even with my full-time job and carrying a full course load in college, I have managed to get this accomplished. Protecting the future environment for my children and grandchildren is an important priority. -- JUDIE SONGER, ROGERSVILLE, MO.
DEAR JUDIE: Conserving the environment is a concern to many readers, who will utilize your valuable suggestions. Mail (and telephone) solicitations become more numerous with time. Direct marketing to specifically targeted age-groups is a common sales strategy in our computer age.
To have your name deleted from these lists, write to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association, P.O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, N.Y. 11735. There is no charge for this service. The lists are purged only once every quarter, so it may take some time to notice a change in the volume of junk mail you receive.
DEAR ABBY: I saved a favorite clipping from your column dated Aug. 5, 1982. It is an essay titled "On Youth." When you published it, you didn't know who wrote it, but later discovered that Samuel Ullman was the author. He was born in 1840 and died in 1924.
His essay is still relevant today, and I would like to see it in your column again. -- ALABAMA READER
DEAR ALABAMA READER: I'm happy to print it again. Its message is timeless.
ON YOUTH
"Youth is not entirely a time of life -- it is a state of mind. It is not wholly a matter of ripe cheeks, red lips or supple knees. It is a temper of will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions.
"Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. You are as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fears; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.
"In the central place of every heart, there is a recording chamber; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer and courage, you are young.
"When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, have you grown old."
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WOMAN'S DEPRESSION WAS All IN HER THYROID, NOT HER HEAD
DEAR ABBY: I recently suffered from a serious depression. I was so depressed that thoughts of self-destruction were almost impossible to get out of my mind. I cried all the time and was paranoid about everything and everybody. I felt I couldn't do or say anything right. I thought I had nothing to live for. What a helpless feeling!
My mother and two of my friends insisted that I have my thyroid gland checked. My doctor didn't think a thyroid evaluation was necessary because I didn't have the usual physical symptoms. She wanted to prescribe anti-depressants. However, when I insisted, she agreed to do the thyroid function test.
A couple of days later, she called and prescribed medication to treat my thyroid problem. She also congratulated me for insisting on the test.
If I had not asked for the thyroid test, I would be taking anti-depressants and still be physically sick. Perhaps others who struggle with depression are really suffering from thyroid disorder. -- FEELING BETTER IN ATLANTA
DEAR CONCERNED: I would like to think that those who are on anti-depressants have been first evaluated for physical disorders. However, if they haven't been, perhaps your letter will give them the courage to insist on testing to determine if there is a physical cause for their depression -- which can be caused by a thyroid condition. Depression can also be caused by certain prescription medications, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia (pain in the muscles, ligaments and tendons), and even lack of sleep.
Before any anti-depressants are dispensed, a complete medical evaluation -- including blood tests that would reveal a thyroid problem -- should be performed by a qualified physician.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother. Please tell your readers that not all of us on welfare are freeloaders.
I have been on welfare since August 1992. For the past two years, I have tried to get off.
My grandmother sees the stress I'm dealing with every day, and she sometimes takes me to play bingo. The few times I've gone, I have heard remarks such as, "How can people on welfare afford to go to bingo?"
Abby, I have applied for jobs -- sometimes three or four times at the same place -- but I am not called. I have no car, so it would be almost impossible to get to some jobs. On AFDC, I receive $490 a month and $140 in food stamps. I pay $400 for rent and another $60 for utilities. I have no phone, so my mom lets me use hers as a message phone.
Many jobs require people to speak Spanish. I speak only English. Until people who trash us walk in our shoes a while, I wish they'd lay off. -- ELIZABETH B. IN FRESNO, CALIF.
DEAR ELIZABETH: Although some individuals may take advantage of the system, I'm sure the vast majority of those on welfare would gladly work if they could find jobs that paid a living wage.
DEAR ABBY: My husband needs to be on oxygen all the time. He has a portable tank for when we go out, but it's too cumbersome for him to manage by himself.
When we are in a restaurant and he needs to use the restroom, what should I do? Should I take him to the ladies' room with me? Should I go to the men's room with him? Should I ask the waiter or some other male service person to accompany him?
What is the polite or socially acceptable course of action? Please don't use my name. -- FLORIDA WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Have your husband ask a male employee if there is some man who could help him to the bathroom and assist him to return.
DEAR READERS: Credit Charlie Reinke (L.A. Times) with this one: "For Christmas, I got a great exercise machine. It came with its own dust and cobwebs already on it."
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)