CONFIDENTIAL TO TALKED ABOUT IN NEW ORLEANS: Keep your character in mint condition, and your reputation will take care of itself.
Homeless People Are More in Need Than Homeless Pets
DEAR ABBY: You told a woman that if reconciliation with her estranged son is not successful, she and her husband can leave their money to their favorite charity or to their local animal shelter.
A few years ago, I might have said the same thing. But my drive to work takes me through the streets of downtown Los Angeles, where hundreds of men, women and children live, scrounge through trash cans for garbage to eat, and warm themselves by bonfires they light in the street at night. I've seen grown men using the streets for a public restroom, with looks of anguish and great embarrassment on their faces as I drive by.
Given the awesome task of helping such people, it grieves me to think of people with money to give away donating it to animals. The number of children without food, people without jobs and families without homes is growing daily, and it appears that the government isn't going to do much about it at the moment. -- FEMALE EXECUTIVE
DEAR EXECUTIVE: Must one make a choice? I would hope the human heart would be big enough to provide ample food and shelter for all God's living creatures. But in a country as wealthy as ours, for people to be scrounging in trash cans for garbage to eat is a national disgrace.
DEAR ABBY: I have decided to end our marriage. The reason for our divorce is my wife's marital indiscretions. We are well known in town, and our family and close friends were utterly shocked when they heard the news.
My problem: I do not want anyone thinking that I have been a less-than-decent, caring husband and father. There was no wrongdoing on my part. My wife, although appearing to be a very decent, moral woman, chose to ignore her vows to "forsake all others," if you get my drift -- and I think you do.
I do not wish publicly to slander her, but mutual friends are treating me somewhat coldly because I initiated the divorce.
At the present time, I am not speaking to my wife, which is perceived as being cruel; however, I feel that this is appropriate in light of her indiscretions.
So, should I remain silent and try to ignore my friends' cold shoulders? -- MR. X
DEAR MR. X: Whether you want to speak to your wife is your own business, but for you to "let people know" that she violated her marriage vows will make you look like a cad. It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself.
This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
LONG-DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR ENDS IN TRIP TO THE ALTAR
DEAR ABBY: In December 1987, I sent Christmas cards to all six of the addresses you had in your Operation Dear Abby III column. I received three responses -- one was from a Ken Castaneda, serving on the USS Coral Sea. (The others wrote nice letters, but Ken's was special.)
When Ken received my Christmas card, he was on a Mediterranean cruise, and we corresponded until his ship pulled into Norfolk, Va., in March of 1988. Ken went on leave to his hometown of Brighton, Colo., and we talked for the first time when he called me in my hometown of St. Charles, Mo. He decided to drive from Colorado through Missouri to meet me on his way back to Virginia. (We still joke that if it hadn't been "on the way" we would not have met.)
To make a long story short, we had an awesome time together -- and we have had a long-distance relationship since then. But now, we are making our dream come true, as you can see from the enclosed wedding invitation. How can I thank you? -- TONJA DILLON
DEAR TONJA: You just did, and when this goes to press you will be Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Castaneda. Congratulations and all good wishes to you both.
DEAR ABBY: I can't believe you let the woman who didn't know whether to tell her son that his dad is in jail get by with such flippancy about the nature of his crime. Driving drunk IS a violent crime. On at least three occasions he could have killed people, and if her big city is like ours (Houston), it's unlikely that he was caught every time he broke the law, and likely that he was completely over the edge before the police noticed. That she dismissed his level of wrongdoing by saying, "My husband didn't steal anything, nor did he commit a violent crime," indicates that she still doesn't get it.
I'd rather have a role model for my child who stole to feed the family, than one who takes others' lives in his hands so casually and without redemption. -- DEBRA DANBURG, STATE REPRESENTATIVE, AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR MS. DANBURG: The mother wrote asking whether she should tell her 6 1/2-year-old son that his father was in jail for a year for driving drunk -- or would it be better to say, "Daddy is away on business and he may be gone for a long time"?
I advised her to tell her son the truth; I didn't think it was necessary to rub salt in her wounds by reiterating that driving drunk is a very serious crime. She already knows that.
CONFIDENTIAL TO CHARLIE IN CINCINNATI: Samuel Johnson said, "Every animal revenges his pains upon those who happen to be near." Man is no exception.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
CHILDREN OF ANY AGE ARE STILL KIDS TO THEIR PARENTS
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter in your column about calling 35- and 44-year-olds "our children," I had to smile.
Our children are 26, 27, 29, 30 and 34, and we still call them "the kids."
My husband is 59 and I am 50, and his parents always refer to us as "the kids." But what really strikes me as being funny is hearing the grandparents who are 76 and 75 years old call my in-laws "the kids."
Don't you just love it, Abby? It sounds so loving and youthful. -- MARJORIE GELLAT
DEAR MARJORIE: I more than "just love it" -- I can relate to it. My husband and I, at age 73, are still called "the kids" by his parents, who are 92 and 93 years old. And may the good Lord continue to bless that beautiful couple, Rose and Jay Phillips of Minneapolis, married 74 years ago today. Happy anniversary, Mother and Dad!
DEAR ABBY: In the words of William Wordsworth, "The child is father of the man." The definition of a "child" as offered by the couple who signed themselves "Ohio Parents" was limited. (They felt that at age 35 and 44, it was inappropriate to refer to their heirs as "children.")
We have had this discussion in our house many times. In biblical usage, "children" are descendants regardless of their ages.
I have two adult sons. I maintain that I will always be their mother. Consequently, these fine young men, both in their 20s, will always be my children. -- MICHIGAN MOMMY
DEAR ABBY: Your correspondent, "C.C. in Florida," is misinformed. The story that a Japanese manufacturer marked his products "MADE IN USA" in an attempt to mislead the buyer is not only false, it is a rumor that has been going around for at least a quarter of a century.
This tale was given worldwide publicity when it was published in Reader's Digest back in the 1960s. Your column is so widely read that the letter from C.C. will probably do as much to keep that rumor alive.
Abby, there IS a "Usa," Japan, but it is a tiny village with no manufacturing facilities. A check with the Japanese consulate in Los Angeles should confirm that. Also, no Japanese city has changed its name to "Usa" to mislead people.
Finally, a Japanese product marked "Made in USA" would be in violation of U.S Customs regulations, and would not be allowed into this country. -- JAMES STEELE
DEAR JAMES STEELE: Thank you for setting the record straight. I hope C.C. sees this.
Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)