Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Your readers are sending in their crazy wedding night stories, so here's ours:
When Rick and I married, Dec. 14, 1985, we had only a weekend to honeymoon, so we took my aunt's advice and rented a condo on the beach in Rosarito, Mexico. After the wedding, we made the two-hour drive, arriving at the gated entrance after dark. We asked the Spanish-speaking guard to point us in the right direction to our rented unit, showing him the street address.
Upon finding our condo, we could not imagine why the key wasn't in the potted plant by the door where the owner promised it would be. Also, my aunt had told us that the unit was right on the beach -- this one was across the street. Finally, Rick climbed the balcony and entered the condo through the sliding glass door; then he opened the front door for me. We had brought along groceries and even logs for the fireplace, so we made a delicious dinner and built a romantic fire in the fireplace. It was a perfect wedding night.
The next morning, I decided to go outside and try to find the key. When I looked on the wall above the potted plant, I saw a ceramic plaque with the condo's full address -- a completely different street name than the condo we had reserved! I don't think I have ever washed dishes faster than I did that morning! We made the bed, cleaned up the place and ran out the door as fast as we could -- scared to death, but laughing hysterically. We drove as fast as we could to the right condo -- just a few blocks down the street.
We never did find out who owned that first condo, but if the owners happen to see this in print, "Thank you, and we are sorry!" -- KRISTA AND RICK TOBERIO, SAN CLEMENTE, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, my parents divorced and my mother moved to another state and took me with her. I saw my father only three times until I was 15. I've talked to him over the telephone a few times. (I called him -- he has never called me, not even on my birthday.) He is now remarried and living a comfortable life with his second wife and two stepchildren.
How can a father ignore his own blood child? I have tried over and over to build some kind of relationship with him, but it hasn't taken hold. I admit, I've had some problems growing up. I dropped out of high school, and every time I called him he mentioned it, saying I didn't live up to his expectations, so I finally quit calling him.
I haven't called him in two years. I am 21 now. Should I give up or keep trying? It probably shouldn't bother me after 10 years, but he is still my dad. Well, maybe if he reads your column he will recognize me. Sign me ... "ORPHANED" IN IDAHO
P.S. I am engaged to be married. Should I ask him to pay for my wedding?
DEAR "ORPHANED": Apparently your father isn't as eager to build a relationship with you as you are to build one with him. How sad. Let him know that you are engaged to be married, and if he offers to help pay for your wedding, fine --- but don't ask him. If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed (again).
You deserve some happiness in your life. I hope you have it. Congratulations and all good wishes.
Free at Last of Cancer's Grip, Man Frees His Wife as Well
DEAR ABBY: More than a year ago, you published a letter from "Mac in Oregon." He told you about his life and his battle with cancer and said he hoped his wife would not spend her life alone after he died.
Well, Mac lost his battle on May 30. He fought long enough to show great courage, but not so long as to destroy those he loved. He was as unselfish in death as he was in life.
I knew Mac for 42 years. He taught me about life, love, truth and mercy, and left me (and others) with sweet memories and a treasure trove of lessons about what is truly important. He wasn't rich, powerful or famous, but he was my dad. Rest in peace, Mac -- we love you still. -- TIM McSWAIN, LINCOLN PARK, N.J.
DEAR TIM: My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. And now, as a tribute to Mac, I'm printing your father's letter that appeared in my column on April 24, 1990:
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for supporting the widow who started dating three months after her husband died. You were right to say, "The time to show respect for one's spouse is while that spouse is living." Here is my story, and there must be thousands of husbands (and wives) who feel as I do.
My wife and I had many good years together. We raised kids, lived through joyous good times and horrendous bad times.
I am in my 18th month of chemotherapy for various cancers. I may live three months or five years. It doesn't matter how short or long my life will be, but it's reasonable to assume that I will die before my wife does. I have had a more rewarding and fruitful life than I probably deserve, for which I am grateful. But the day I die, my last thoughts will be regret that I shall leave her alone. It's sad to know that after so many months of total concentration on my welfare -- days of putting up with my misery and never letting me see her own misery -- her reward will be to be left alone.
Abby, she is not the kind of person who should be alone. So I tell her now, and I want my kids and all my friends to listen: "As soon as you possibly can after throwing my ashes off the boat into the Pacific, wrap the memories of our life together around you -- and begin a new life. If three days, or three months after I'm gone, you find a man who will love and cherish you for a few years as I have for so many -- go for it! You've earned it." -- "MAC" IN OREGON
DEAR MAC: Your sincerity rings true, leaving me uncharacteristically speechless. Thanks for a two-hankie letter.
DEAR ABBY: You have stated twice in your column that both of the Wright brothers were bachelors.
Wilbur Wright died at the age of 45, a bachelor. Orville Wright lived to be 77 years old and married late in life. His wife was not as old as he was, but they had no children.
You were correct in stating that the Wright brothers do not have any direct descendants. -- HELEN L. THOMAS
DEAR HELEN L. THOMAS (not to be confused with Helen Thomas, veteran White House correspondent for United Press International): Thank you for attempting to set the record straight.
The New Encyclopedia Britannica, Volume 19, Page 1033, states: "Both the brothers died bachelors."
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Food Stamp Fraud Leaves Bad Taste in Wife's Mouth
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are taking a two-month vacation, so we advertised in our church newsletter for a house sitter. Our 18-year-old daughter lives with us, so we wanted a female. She works full-time and goes to night classes at our community college.
A 24-year-old girl I'll call Wanda answered the ad. She, her parents and grandparents are members of our church. We told Wanda she could live here for free and save the $100 a month she had been paying her parents for rent. Wanda said that she wanted $50 a month from us. She was the best choice we had, so we agreed.
Yesterday Wanda came over with her parents, and as they were leaving, her mother dropped this bomb: "Wanda has applied for food stamps -- but you will have to sign a paper saying that you are not paying her anything to live in your house."
My husband said, "No problem -- we will sign it."
I do not want to sign that paper. I don't believe in lying -- especially to help a young, able-bodied woman to defraud the government.
My husband professes to be a Christian, and apparently these people are Christians -- as she chided me for not attending church and all that good stuff.
Abby, what do you think about people asking a fellow church member to lie so their daughter can defraud the government? Our plans are made and confirmed, and we are leaving tomorrow; there's no time to find an honest non-Christian to live here. -- DISGUSTED
DEAR DISGUSTED: Shame on those Christian churchgoers for asking you to sign a false statement in order to defraud the government. And your husband should be ashamed of himself for condoning such shenanigans.
DEAR ABBY: My problem is my grandmother. (My father's mother.) Every now and then she says she is not sure that my brother and I are actually her grandchildren. Once, she introduced me to someone this way -- these are her actual words: "These are Wilbur and Thelma's children. Well, anyway, they are Thelma's, but I'm not sure if they are Wilbur's or not."
My mother has asked my father about his mother's insulting introduction, and he just shrugged it off as if it was nothing.
I feel that my father should talk to his mother about this slur on our mother's good name since he has no reason to believe that he is not our father. He refuses to say anything, because according to him, Grandma just means it as a joke.
This is not my idea of a joke, and my brother feels the same way. What is your opinion of a grandmother who would act like this? -- TWO HURT TEEN-AGERS
DEAR HURT: Grandmother could be experiencing mental or emotional problems. If that's not the case, she has a very vicious tongue. Tell her that when she makes such insulting comments about your mother, she hurts you deeply.
By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)