"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Our middle son, Andy, is a very intelligent young man of 19. He went to college for one year just to please us, then he quit, saying, "I don't want to waste any more of my time and your money."
His grades were fine, but he says he prefers working with his hands. He's now enrolled in a trade school and we're so disappointed in him!
I'm not putting down people who work with their hands, Abby, but it seems to me that people who work with their hands do so because they aren't smart enough to work with their minds.
Andy's father is a professional man, and both of Andy's brothers plan to enter professions.
Please say in your column that a college degree is absolutely necessary these days. After Andy graduates from college he can do anything he chooses, but we desperately want him to have a college degree first. -- ANDY'S MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: I disagree. College is NOT for everybody. If Andy prefers to work with his hands, that's what he should do.
It's not true that people work with their hands because they aren't smart enough to work with their minds. Some handwork requires more skill, talent and know-how than many professions. You do your son a tremendous disservice by telling him he's "disappointed you" and urging him to go to college. Change your tune.
DEAR ABBY: I just read in a local newspaper that a clergyman urges a ban on babies attending church. After what happened at our church last Sunday, I have to agree with him.
Today, parents dress up their kids real cute and take them to church to show them off, but they don't discipline them.
One little girl about 18 months old did everything but swing from the chandelier, and all her mother did was "shush" her by putting her fingers to her lips. Her brother (about 8) kept stirring her up by poking her, and the mother just gave him a few dirty looks.
Another child sitting behind me kept trying to grab my earrings. When I turned around and glared, her mother just smiled. At one point, when announcements were made over the loudspeaker, there was so much commotion from kids yelling that no one could hear the announcements.
The minister was disgusted, but he didn't have the courage to say anything. He should have told the mothers of those unruly children to take them to the bathroom and give them a good learning experience!
What do you think? I am ... HOPPING MAD IN POCATELLO, IDAHO
DEAR HOPPING: I think you're right. Parents who love their children discipline them. And contrary to common belief, "to discipline" does not mean "to punish." It means "to teach."
Counseling Saves Self-Esteem as Well as Woman's Marriage
DEAR ABBY: May I second your excellent recommendation to "Nervous Wreck," whose bull-headed husband refused marriage counseling, was walking all over her, and was teaching her son to do the same?
We had a similar situation at our house. I finally sought counseling alone because my husband not only refused to go with me but also tried to talk me out of it.
Several sessions with a psychiatrist relieved my depression, and at the doctor's suggestion I signed up for a course in assertiveness at a nearby mental health clinic.
Well, Abby, our marriage is on an entirely different footing now. In counseling I was treated as a rational, sensitive person whose feelings are important, and I came to view myself that way.
Because I changed, my family's reactions toward me did, too. They found that I would firmly reject disrespectful attitudes and actions and that I demanded my rights in any situation.
My husband now seems like a different man, and we are both 100 percent happier. As for me, I'm ... NO LONGER A WRECK
DEAR NO LONGER: Thank you for supporting my constant recommendation to "get counseling." To some it may sound like a broken record; to others, a cop-out. Mental health clinics across the nation continue to provide lifesaving support for troubled people at a price everyone can afford to pay. If your marriage is in trouble and your mate refuses counseling -- go alone!
DEAR ABBY: Some people seem to think that just because we have a large family, our yard is a public playground.
At this moment I have 16 kids playing ball in my back yard, and only seven of them are mine. My problem is that the kids aren't allowed to play in other yards because they ruin the grass and fall in the flowers. I really don't mind, but it wouldn't hurt some of the other parents to let the kids play in their yard once in a while.
At night, the kids ask me to turn on my yard lights so they can play after supper. The yelling and the screaming can be heard for blocks.
When, oh when, will I have peace and quiet again? -- MOM WITH PUBLIC PLAYGROUND
DEAR MOM: Too soon. Count your blessings, Mom. You're lucky your children are occupied in a healthy, wholesome sport. You don't have to worry about where they are, what they're doing and with whom. Anybody can raise grass. It takes special people to raise children.
DEAR ABBY: While in church, I saw a woman put a $5 bill in the collection plate and take back $4. Is that considered proper etiquette? -- CURIOUS
DEAR CURIOUS: Why not? God knows she put in $5.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Dear Abby: John and I Were Married in 1970. It Was the Second Time Around for Both of Us. Because of Interfering Relatives, Including Eight Children and in-Laws on Both Sides, Who Did Everything They Could to Break Up Our Marriage, We Were Divorced Three
Despite all the unpleasantness, we forgave each other and continued what has always been a wonderfully loving relationship. We are in our mid-50s and feel ridiculous sneaking around to be together.
John says, "Let's say to heck with everything, sell our houses, move 1,000 miles away from all the relatives and enjoy the years we have left!"
Neither of us has to work, and our financial situation is good. Should I put myself first for once in my life and remarry John? Or keep up a house for my remaining unmarried daughter? -- TORN
DEAR TORN: Your John is a man after my own heart. Remarry him and move away from both your families. Don't worry about your unmarried daughter. She's probably due to leave the nest soon anyway. Enjoy your lives. It's always later than you think.
DEAR ABBY: When I travel, I like to take my dog with me, which presents a problem because not all hotels allow dogs.
I recently stopped at a hotel where I was made welcome with my pet, and I saw this framed "notice" hanging in the lobby. It tickled me, and if it tickles you, maybe you'll run it in your column.
"Dogs are welcome in this hotel. We never had a dog that smoked in bed and set fire to the blankets. We never had a dog who stole our towels, played the TV too loud or had a noisy fight with his traveling companion. We never had a dog that got drunk and broke up the furniture. So if your dog can vouch for you, you're welcome, too." -- DOG LOVER
DEAR DOG LOVER: I've been tickled by a version of that notice, but in case some readers haven't, I'll run it. Thanks for a well-deserved tribute to man's best friend.
DEAR ABBY: My husband went on a 10-day business trip recently, and he wrote me three letters. He addressed the first one to "Mary Smith," the second to "Mrs. Mary Smith" and the third to "Ms. Mary Smith."
I have a friend who studies psychology, and she told me that my husband's addressing me as he did -- carefully avoiding using "Mrs. John Smith" -- was his way of "de-wifing" me.
I should add that when my husband returned from the trip, he was as affectionate and loving as ever, and he certainly didn't "de-wife" me then.
What do you think of my friend's theory? -- PERPLEXED
DEAR PERPLEXED: Not much. And if I were you, I would "de-friend" her.
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)